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How to get her to talk

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Some of you might have read my last post saying that I've dated this girl for a while now (we've gone out about 6 times now). My question though is how do I get her to be more talkative? When we're out together we talk quite a bit. Same with when we're on the phone. But lately when we've been online talking there's hardly any talking going on at all. If there is it's almost ALWAYS me initiating any type of conversation we have and most of the time it's short... as if she doesn't even want to talk. Another question I have is, should I confront her on this? I don't want to scare her off by asking her about it but is it the right thing to do?

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hey texas guy, merry christmas!


My immediate thought was that she maybe shy because i was in this situation as well with my ex (always being the one to start a discussion), and that was her problem. Has it always been like this? Or have you just noticed it lately?


In any case all you can do is continue to make her feel comfertable around you. If she doesnt seem to be talking on msn then try ways in which she has talked in the past- ie the phone. Its probably some short term thing and will clear up. But if theres still that feeling then keep on smiling and encouraging. Ask her is anything wrong or what shes thinking of you two, but do not directly ask her why she seems to have stopped talking. This will only make the situation awkward whenever you two meet and probably put 'pressure' on her to talk, and that wouldnt be healthy especially if she is shy.


If shes not shy then obviously something has cropped up, and you should definetly ask her those questions mentioned. From experience, all you can do is keep smiling and be that person that she liked when you first met.


good luck

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Hey Vfunkera, thanks and a Merry Christmas to you too!


To tell you the truth it seems to be something that happens somewhat sporadically. One day she'll be really talkative and the next she'll be really quiet. I know it's something that I shouldn't really worry about but I can't help it.


I do know she feels comfortable around me just from some of the stuff that we've talked about and some of the things she's said and done to/for me. We both hint at each other about stuff related to a relationship and after around 5 months of talking I'm thinking it's about time I make a move on her towards something along those lines.

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i wouldnt really be too worried about it. If you think there is a problem, no doubt address it directly or indirectly (depending on how you think she will react). Communication has always been the key to everything.


Some days they maybe bursting, the next they just aint in the mood. But if it is noticeable and consistent (especially when it didnt used to be) and you think somethings up then there probably is. Body language would be a good way of reading what shes thinking and what shes actually saying when you decide to ask her.


Dont pressurise her though, she is after all a female (who are very in-touch with their feelings). Do you know that i began to tell my ex off for being so shy (i used to call her depressing, intimaidated (by me of course) and dependant). I found it frustrating especially when it was after 4 months into a relationship. I played a role in her finishing it and as soon as she left i realised what i had lost and regretted it. I had taken her for granted. Don't let the same happen to you. Be her friend and ask her out when your ready and think shes ready!


good luck

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Wow man. That really sucks. Did you try to get back with her afterwards?

The same thing pretty much happened with me and my last ex. She was extremely shy and hardly ever talked but she was a sweet girl. We're still friends but I feel bad about breaking it off with her for those reasons.


As for this girl now I haven't really pressured her and I deffinately won't. I've been taking things slowly just because I for one want to make sure I want to be with her. I don't want to move in too fast like I did with my last relationship.

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Yea i did try to get her back, thats why i ended up on this forum, looking for advice. I learned that i couldnt change her and had to take her for who she was in terms of her being shy. She the past though and we are apparently 'just friends' (although we hardly talk to each other anymore), and if she came back i would tell her that things wont be the same.


You are going the right way about it. The other problem with my ex was we jumped straight into a relationship with out really hanging out first. I think thats why she was quite shy during the relationship. And they never usually work out. If you are looking for a lover, especially long-term, then always first search for a friend. Someone who will make you smile.


Good luck

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hi i thought i might be able to help you a little in this regard coz i'm in a similar situation with a girl i'm in love. well.. if she doesn't seem to be all that talkative, you just have to admit that it is her! it's a really bad idea to confront her with this.. it's only going to make her feel uncomfortable. so i suggest you lead the conversations... you should also remember that in a relationship with a guy and a girl.. there's always someone who's leading and someone who's being led... in your case, don't feel afraid to be in charge and lead whatever conversation you wanna talk about. be the dominant!

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