ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Today is an anniversary with my ex. I thought about letting him know that I am thinking about him. I know this is a bad idea but I can't help thinking about it. It's only been a week. I was feeling extremely well yesterday, but today I am starting to think of him again. I am strong enough to not do anything that will break my No Contact, but I am having a hard time today...so any words of encouragement would be welcome. Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Hey... take a minute to read my previous thread on the exact same situation. I hope it helps. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Hey... take a minute to read my previous thread on the exact same situation. I hope it helps. ] It does help. The thing is, we stopped talking last week and broke up over email, if you can call it that...there was no closure at all...none....so I am not hoping to get back together and I am not waiting for him to contact me. I am just sad about the way things ended and how much was left unsaid and the fact that he actually thinks he dumped me, instead of the other way around. It is all a mess, but I have to be strong and not do anything stupid. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Honey - closure comes from within you - when you accept that some things happen for a reason over which you have no control and if you have no control, why worry about it? I can quite see where you are coming from but give this a bit of time and you will look at this much more philosophically and realise that actually - it really doesn't matter who broke up with who. At the end of the day your relationship was far from healthy so it is far better to be apart than back in that mess - you know this - right? You are down a bit because of that anniversary - but you had a good day yesterday and you will have a better day tomorrow. I know that you are too smart to do anything daft! Mark Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 You be strong, be strong for yourself. I won't pretend I know your story but if the relationship wasn't right for you then it either changes or you must move on. Be happy for yourself knowing that you are doing the right thing(s). If this person was not right for you, you can now move forward knowing that you are one step closer to meeting that person that is. Like you I didn't feel I got closure either. I analyzed the heck out of the situation. I realized that ultimately it didn’t matter. She left, she didn’t feel it was right. I know I’m one step closer to meeting the woman of my dreams. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 I guess my problem with accepting a break-up is that I can get along with anyone but it is very hard for me to find guys that are intellectually stimulating, as well as physically....and do not have too many emotional problems. As a result, I tend to stay in a relationship much longer than I should, thinking that if I change or accept them as they are....we will work things out. Of course, I end up resenting the guy, and things never turn out well. I am trying to be more selective and just stay single if I feel that something is not quite right. Far too often, I let the physical aspect of a relationship be the determining factor in my choice of partner. I am trying to do the mature thing and not fall into that pattern again, but it is making me depressed. Link to comment
riley123 Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 I am trying to be more selective and just stay single if I feel that something is not quite right. Far too often, I let the physical aspect of a relationship be the determining factor in my choice of partner. I am trying to do the mature thing and not fall into that pattern again, but it is making me depressed. These are very good insights you only learn through past relationships. Don't dwell on the fact that the relationship is over -- think about how much you learned about yourself and what you want out of your next relationship. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 These are very good insights you only learn through past relationships. Don't dwell on the fact that the relationship is over -- think about how much you learned about yourself and what you want out of your next relationship. I am really confused. I feel like I just want to be alone...and not get close to anyone physically. This is not the right frame of mind if I actually meet someone, so I just have to let it pass. I am not sure how long it will take before I am ready to try again. The ex and I broke up 6 months ago. I dated a couple of people and the I broke NC. Within a few weeks we were back to the usual fighting, etc...so last week it ended for good. I am hoping that if I just keep up the NC, then I will really move on. Link to comment
riley123 Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 I am really confused. I feel like I just want to be alone...and not get close to anyone physically. This is not the right frame of mind if I actually meet someone, so I just have to let it pass. I am not sure how long it will take before I am ready to try again. The ex and I broke up 6 months ago. I dated a couple of people and the I broke NC. Within a few weeks we were back to the usual fighting, etc...so last week it ended for good. I am hoping that if I just keep up the NC, then I will really move on. The feeling of wanting to be alone is very natural after the end of a relationship. It's the way our heart protects us from additional suffering and pain, but it will pass -- with time. Focus on getting through the rest of today. Try and make plans with some friends to get your mind of the situation – at least temporarily. I think NC would be best. It sounds like many of the issues which caused the breakup initially haven’t been resolved. You both need more time. Go NC and focus on healing yourself. Good luck! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 I have a few more hours of work. I do not have definite plans for tonight but it is Friday and I am sure I can convince one of my many friends to keep me company. I could go on a blind date, but I do not think I am in the right frame of mind to meet any new guys today. I don't think it would be fair since I cannot present myself in the best possible mood. Link to comment
riley123 Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Yea, I would advice against dating for the time being. The last thing you need right now is a bad first date! Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Yea, I would advice against dating for the time being. The last thing you need right now is a bad first date! That is what I am thinking. Also, I have a friend who was offering his "services" but I decided that it is not what I am looking for at this point in my life. So that's progress, right? Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Sure it is progress - good progress. Before you are in any fit state to be with anyone else you have to get yourself back first. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Sure it is progress - good progress. Before you are in any fit state to be with anyone else you have to get yourself back first. I know...but it's freaking lonely up here...even though I am enjoying some aspects of it. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 But you don't want to be with someone because you are lonely, do you? Link to comment
IMAbadman Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Hang in there... you'll get through it. Link to comment
riley123 Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 That is what I am thinking. Also, I have a friend who was offering his "services" but I decided that it is not what I am looking for at this point in my life. So that's progress, right? Good job. Is your friend a prostitute? Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Good job. Is your friend a prostitute? No, he is a guy who is really good at getting women to sleep with him...he is a FWB type...and he is there if I ever need some "action" but I am trying to stay away from that kind of activity. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 But you don't want to be with someone because you are lonely, do you? Nope...that has always gotten me into trouble and that is how I met the EX.... Link to comment
deang Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 I am in the same crummy boat ...it's been 14 days since she broke up with me in txt messages. I haven't talked to her at all. I spent a miserable weekend texting, leaving vm's, and emails then went into NC. I'm feeling better day by day...some days are worse(like today) but most are better. I had relationships with the wrong women and did the same as you did and tried to change myself so that I'd love them then things would fall apart on me. We deserve better and we'll get there...I wish it was soon but we'll get there when we do. The last one was hard because we got along so well and had a lot in common but as I pull away I notice things were not as good as they seemed. Things will get better. They always have for me. I just wish that all my brain could realize this and not miss her so much and feel so hurt when it doesn't make sense. It does no good to hurt but we do nonetheless. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 Very true. I think I may go out on that blind date tonight after all. One drink will not kill me and the guy is a reporter who travels all over the world, so I know that he will have some interesting stories to tell. As far as getting over the ex. With each passing day, I get a little more strength. Link to comment
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