amystar Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 It was exactly a week ago that he left me on the doorstep crying. I feel like I took about a million steps backward today. I felt so much better yesterday. Tonight for some reason, it feels like I just got my heart ripped out all over again. When does it stop hurting like hell? I'm pathetic....I just want to call him up and scream at him on the phone and say: "You idiot!!!! Look what you did!". I'm sure he's fine. Probably just out drinking with his old buddies and sleeping around with random women. Arg...I'm sorry...I'm justing venting...again...:sad: Link to comment
Maree79 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Aww, Im sorry. It has only been 7 days..I think at that mark we are supposed to feel devastated, I sure did. It was 2 weeks ago today for me & today is easier than last Sunday, but by no means easy. Don't apologize for how you feel, you're allowed to be sad, then ok, then angy, than ok, and so on. Did you go see Sex & the City? Link to comment
amystar Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 Yeah, I did go to see it. It made me cry. It had a happy ending, I wish life was like that. I don't know if you've seen it but the scene where Samantha breaks up with her boyfriend, it reminded me of my breakup, the "I love you but I just love myself more" line sounds all too familiar except mine was "I love you but not the way you love me". I didn't know there were multiple ways you could love your partner....ah well. Thanks for making me feel better. I feel like I'm posting on here more than anybody, am I being crazy? Link to comment
arcadefire Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I find that when you're still trying to get over a break up (and one week is still very fresh) don't try to watch romantic movies, listen to love songs, or read happy romantic things. It'll just make you miss what you had and the pain of the break up will occur all over again. Also, the whole "I love you, not in love with you" or love this and that still hurts when I hear that too. Reminds me how I loved my ex and he didn't love me back! He "really likes" me, even after all we've done. I suppose there are many ways to "love" someone, except I take it as one person is more emotionally attached than the other. Link to comment
undercover007 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 I'm sorry about your breakup. I feel your pain.. my bf just broke up with me last night. We've broken up many times before.. but it always feels like this is the last time. He told me no more chances.. even though ive heard that before.. i think this may be the final break up. It hurts so bad and ive been crying my eyes out all day. I'm trying to follow the NC rule. Lets stay strong together. Link to comment
Maree79 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 hah, no you aren't crazy. You have to let it out & expressing it like this I think it really healthy. Plus, I feel you get unbiased answers. I haven't seen it, I really want to but don't feel I could get through it just yet. But I love Carrie & the gals..so maybe soon. "I love you but not the way you love me" - yeah what does that mean? The last thing my ex said to me was "one day you will understand"...umm, no. I will never understand. Link to comment
amystar Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 Thanks for your replies. Undercover, I know how you feel! Hang in there! I keep hoping that my ex would call me and say something like: "I was wrong, I still love you, I want to be with you, lets make it work, things will be different this time". I know it's for the best that he doesn't, our relationship was not healthy anymore, but I'm still hurting.....so bad. Link to comment
undercover007 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Yeah its funny, ive been through this a million times with my bf. He constantly would break up with me.. he was also emotionally abusive. But of course i love him so i keep going back. I begged and pleaded him not to end the relationship.. i called him over n over.. i know i made it worse. But we've been through so much together.. i cant picture him not in my life. He said we can be "friends" but thats almost impossible for me cause i will always have these feelings for him. Its so hard not calling him Link to comment
amystar Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 I know, but please just don't call him! Neither of us needs these emotionally abusive, unappreciative jerks in our lives. People keep telling me (so I'm going to tell you) there are nearly 7 billion people out there in the world, about half of whom are men, there have to be a few good once right?? Like I said, it's difficult for me to take my own advice because like you, my ex and I went through so much together, I've known for a quarter of my life! But you know, he changed, he's not the person I fell in love with and I have to let it go. You and I both need stay strong! I know you can do it! It will be a week tomorrow since I have had contact with my ex. I seriously thought he would try to contact me, but it's for the best he doesn't, shows me how much he truly cares. If I can do it, you can too. With me, I was so used to calling him all the time that when I pick up my phone to call a friend, I accidentally dial his number but I always catch it before I click send (luckily). We can do it! Stay strong, I know how it is....I don't think I have cried this much in my entire life.... Link to comment
amystar Posted June 2, 2008 Author Share Posted June 2, 2008 Oh my goodness......his favorite movie just started playing on cable...on the channel I happened to leave my TV on while I was surfing the net....we just watched it together the week before last. This is just strange! So stupid and silly. Link to comment
zeevegal Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 try to keep yourself busy. It might be hard the first month but time heals. Link to comment
undercover007 Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 Thanks amy, im trying to strong. I just walked 5 miles.. listening to my love songs on my ipod and i just started bawling Good thing it was at night so no one could tell. Don't you hate how like everything can just remind you of him.. like a restaurant you pass by or a beach that you use to go to. It makes me so depressed. They will miss us right? I hope they will realize what they lost. I did everything for him Link to comment
Cooperstown Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 It's fresh, you're gonna have those moments. Eventually they will become far less frequent and hurt far less, but it is my belief that if you truly did love them those moments they will always be a part of you in some way shape or form. Perhaps it's something you learned from them, or just a great memory you two shared, whatever it is cherish that and realize it happened for a reason. Reffering to a previous poster about staying away from love songs/romantic things etc. For the most part I agree, but sometimes you just need to let it out and they can be a good way to help purge it from your system. Good luck Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 2, 2008 Share Posted June 2, 2008 When my ex spilt with me i was devastated and my mates were really worried for me. Its now going to be three weeks on Wednesday that he split with me and i am not ok but i feel better. It will go away soon but somedays you feel like it has gone and others it will come back and you will start crying all over again like i do. But you have to remember that it is his loss and not yours. I did NC and then a week of NC he texted me saying how are your exams going and wanted me to call him so i did, it was not a good idea as he was asking me if i knew why he broke up with me i felt like crying and he said he wanted to be mates and meet me this week, i think that you should not contact him at all and see if he contacts you and if he does do not reply. It will go away when you have had enough time to heal and that could take days, weeks, months or even years but it will go away eventually. I thought it was never going to go away but it does, slowly all your memories go away an you start to realise what the other person has done to you and you start to see that there are other people who are better for you It will go away and i am sorry that you are going thru this Keep strong and trust me in time it will go away. Link to comment
amystar Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Undercover007, Oh yes. I hate how everything reminds me of him, I hate it! I hope my ex realizes what he lost as well....I really do. I hope he wakes up one day and says to himself "What did I do?". But I think that is unlikely. Sometimes I wonder what it is that I did to deserve all this pain. I loved I guess. I know some of the thoughts I'm having are silly because I'm in a lot of pain but I wonder if I will ever find the right person who will love me unconditionally, forever. My parents have been married 36 years, I look at them and I wonder if I will ever be happy like they are Link to comment
amystar Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Thanks for all of your replies, Today was a bad day. I worked late today so I was the last to leave in my office area. It got so very quiet and my mind started wondering even though I was trying to concentrate....I felt like I couldn't help it and the tears just started streaming down my face, right at my dang desk! I'm sure if anybody walked in they would think I'm a complete nutcase, would probably report me, and I would get a talking to. I don't want to loose my job over this....my goodness, this is so difficult! I feel like such a horrible, weak person! Yuck! Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Awww - poor darling. Don't worry about the tears - nobody lost a job over this stuff. You are not horrible and you aren't weak - just a normal person who is going through tough times - ok? Cry it out when you need to - remember - it is early days - there is nothing wrong with you. It will get better - I know I keep saying that - but it really will. Mark Link to comment
amystar Posted June 3, 2008 Author Share Posted June 3, 2008 Thanks! It seems so endless right now...I keep wondering why this happened and if there was anything I could have done to change things, if maybe I could have done something a year ago when things went downhill. I don't know, I miss this guy even though he treated me like crap. I don't understand my feelings. Link to comment
Clabs Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Amy - it is natural to wonder if there was anything you could have done - anything at all. But what you wrote doesn't make any sense hun - he treated you like crap. Why would you you be so desperate to go back to that? He really has done you a favour here and the only thing you could of done a year back is run the hell away - fast! I know - I know - it doesn't seem like it now - breakups make us think very perversly. Even if it was crap it was something - right? Keep on keeping on hun - keep on walking forward. Know that you are not a fruitcake - know that you are a lost soul right now. But who needs that crappy treatment eh? I am sure you can learn to live without it! Mark Link to comment
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