should i tell his mom?..if so..how?

[SugaCane]

..firstly I would like to explain my situation in a few 'words'...

I have a one and a half year old daughter..her father, whom I'm not together with, but know for 8 years now, lives abroad, which makes our already difficult relationship even more difficult. Anyway, I do my best so that our daughter can see her dad on a regular base ( every 8 weeks )

He doesn't really make much effort and tries to make everything easy for himself. What's bothering me most is, that he's not honest to his friends and family, about me and our child. I think he told his 9 year old son and his mom that we just had a one-off and that he doesn't see us.. and this is because he knows, when they know the truth about us, that we dated for so many years, and that he IS seeing his daughter, that they will insist of meeting our little girl and tell him to take better care of her.

I really would love to tell his mom, but the problem is I never met her or spoke to her. I'm thinking hard about a respectful way of letting her know the truth..

Can somebody help? It means a lot to me that people know what's really going on.

[sharsachan]

if you could some way call her, just let her know you want her to have a relationship with her grandma. the woman will learn the truth simply by talking to you about your little girl and in conversation. i don't think there's any reason to just call her up and 'tattle' on her son [as a mother, that might be how she sees it] but i'm sure the woman would be thrilled to meet her granddaughter and it would give you two an opportunity to talk

[SugaCane]

dear sharsachan,

thanks for your advice, which is def. a good one..the only thing, english is not my mother tongue and it's becoming worse when I'm emotional..just the thought of calling his mom makes me feel uneasy...I know, I wouldn't be able to talk to her properly....sorry, I was asking for advice and now I'm criticizing it...

would it be impolite to send a letter with a picture of our daughter?

Another problem: I don't know her adr. or tel.no...means it needs some investigation..and if 'he' finds out I'm contacting his mom without letting him know he'll probably be very angry..and him finding out that I had to track down his mom will let him think I'm a stalker...I guess no matter what I do he won't be pleased...and I can't count on his mom to be discreet..I mean she is his mom and will tell him that I contacted her