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I'M 17 AND HE'S 20!


summerdreams
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i need some advice. I'm about to turn 17 and in my last yr of high school. My boyfriend is 20 and will be starting university in january. We've been dating for almost 4 months now...and at the beginning the relationship seemed promising. Now, i'm not so sure, as he sometimes tells me that he feels i'd be better off with a guy my own age...that we live too far away...that he can't be the commited type bf at this moment. We've been arguing a lot lately about our age difference and about how far apart we live from one another...and although sometimes our relationship seems to be coming to an end...he continues to want to see me and when we're together we have a good time. Sometimes i feel like he's getting bored or losing interest...but the fact that he hasn't just walked away lets me hope that there's still a chance. My question is...what do you think's going through his head? why does he tell me that stuff but not break it off? and what can i do to make things a little more interesting? I'll take anybodys advice...but if it came from a guy his age it'd be better cuz you can probably relate. Thanx, summer

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Hi there summerdreams,

I'm 21 and I've just recently been seeing a 16yr old girl. Although there is a small age gap between us we have similar interests so we get along.

 

Firstly you being 17 and him 20 isn't such an age gap. Hardly one at all really. Now I'll just give you my take on things.

he sometimes tells me that he feels i'd be better off with a guy my own age...that we live too far away...that he can't be the commited type bf at this moment

You should be hearing warning sirens going off here. If he's telling you these sorta things it kinda sounds to me that he wants you to take a hint...

what do you think's going through his head? why does he tell me that stuff but not break it off?

Hmm tricky. Some don't want to break it off in a naive hope that things in the relationship will turn around for the better. Another thing could be that he doesn't like being alone. Some people(men and women) are like that. They just stay in a relationship because they fear they'll be alone. May I ask you, have you directly asked him if he wants to break up with you?

 

and what can i do to make things a little more interesting
Be spontaneous! Try doing something original instead of the tried and true path of watching movies together, going out to dinner etc etc....(nothing wrong with those by the way, they're just very common) I don't know what your interests are but I can make some suggestions. Ice skating, bungee jumping, skydiving... OK the last two were rather extreme, but you catch my drift here. Use your imagination.

 

Johnny Boy signing off... 8)

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I would have to agree with Johnny,

 

Sometimes men dont want to hurt you so they beat around the and hope you get the hint. As in a lot of cases most men when they get with a girl who is younger, they date, things are great but then when they go to a new university, things chance, there are too many women to decide and the old girlfriend gets the boot. THis happens most of the time. Very rarely do highschool sweethearts last the test of time. I think you should ask him right out, "Is it over between us?" "do you want out and you just dont' know how to ask me" "is it another women" Ask him directly and see what he says. Then take it from there....

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Thank you for your replys they helped me think things through a little more. It's just going to be so hard because i'm afraid of asking him if it's over between us, and then getting an answer i really don't want to hear! I know the age gap isn't that much he agrees...but he says it's the point that BECAUSE of the age we are in different points in our life...and he feels like sometimes we are not on the same level. Now , about being more spontaneous...i think that's a great idea! But, we've already gone skydiving together in the summer ...and i don't know what can top that! I was thinking that when he comes back from his vacation i'd bring him out to a fancy restaurant and sing a song for him in front of everyone (don't worry i won't look like an idiot i have a pretty nice voice) ...but i don't know if it's too much? He told me once that "a girl with a good voice is a definate turn on"...and he's never heard me sing so i figured it was a good idea. Anyways please reply again to let me know...XXX Summer

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I dont know if this guy really wants to be with you, from the way it sounds and what hes telling, your bf has a point, you two are living to different lives, your still in highschool and hes going to a university. Hes still young and so are you, So I think you should focus more on whats really important, that being your self and highschool. Your too young to even think about commitment and hes just wants to have fun.

 

All I can say is please dont worry about this guy, you have more important things to worry about, Theres plenty of fish in the sea.

 

Good Luck with what you decide to do.

 

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