Not much time left to figure this out. Pleez Help.

[a robot]

thanks in advance for any help and patience w this dreadfully long post but i think most details are relevent.

 

so i have maybe 24 hrs to figure out my next move with a mind gaming girlfriend that Im totally nuts about and that is probably not right for me but i dont care...

 

quick backround maybe it makes a difference maybe not:

 

-she: japanese, been in us 3yrs. some launguage barrier, very private girl

-me: american born/raised

-met online.

-her girlfriends are most likely swaying her feelings...without having met me

-never been to her place...only stay at mine

-presuming shes been hurt before

-spend countless hours in bed..laughing, bickering over who likes who more, im on cloud 9 with her.. etc...finding it hard to separate to use the bathroom!!

 

 

please forgive me for the jump to my problems right after registering but here goes:

 

been in a very short and highly intense/affectionate relationship for lets say 2plus months now. im talking spending the entire weekends together. fri-sun night then on tues. usually she discovered in conversation that i had a small fling with another guy once. she flipped a little bit. i made it clear i like only her. all good but the minute i act tired or different it comes up again. back and forth. happens a few more times.

 

recently i had a friend stay with me one of the first weekends we werent together i think i may have not kept in good touch with her while he was here and long story short she is breaking up with me(via text message). big nono but again im soo into her i dont care so much...

 

i let her know this is hard for me and she says sorry but shes afraid it will happen again. next day i text her and ask her to see me and talk. she reminds me we broke up. i say i just diddnt wanna believe it blahblah...she says i can do better... i say i dont want better i want her. NOW: she asks if we should get some tea.(its our thing) i say great and i wanna see her so bad she replies with "i dont. anyway dont forget."(that we broke up) ouch!

 

after her being so cold and...i say something rude"you make me laugh"

not wanting to leave it like i send her a final email explaining that if she ever needs to talk im here. she says sorry for making me feel bad and asks again if were getting tea. what?! of course i cave and say yea...she acts very ambiguous. tea is scheduled for thurs(tomorrow). now part of me wants to bring all her stuff and a gift and say good-bye(breakup japanese style).. selfishly and revengefully for hurting me and in case she decides to revert back to evil cold girl but the rest feels like i want her soo bad i cant take it. if only i knew what she is thinking...

 

possible scenarios:

shes protecting herslef/testing my commitment to her. (in a really messed up way) again i love and hate her so much right now!

shes totally used and lost interest in me

could be something else...

 

 

 

i know i left alot out but...im begging for some advice....this girl is killing me.

 

thank you guys

[arcadefire]

Yeah, this girl is completely playing mind games with you. It's her who broke up with you... if she wants to reconcile she should be the one to make the effort, not you.

 

By the way, this relationship is very short! Two months is too early to tell anything. But it might spell trouble down the road should you two choose to get back together. Do you want her to keep playing mind games with you? Set the bar for yourself and say, "You're right. If you can't handle what I did in the past (before you met her), then what else would she flip out over as the relationship progresses?" Or something. Maybe a lot nicer but you get the idea.

 

And then say goodbye. I don't think this relationship will be healthy in the long run.

[a robot]

thanks so much for the reply...totally helps get me ready for the worst...

 

just hope i dont cave and stick around for more b.s.

 

thanks again.

[novaseeker]

If she is that bent out of shape about your prior relationship, it's not going to work.

[a robot]

thanks nova. i agree. either she gets over it or peace out.

 

were going bcak and forth in texts right now...its sweet stuff but i dunno if its sincere or not so taking with multiple grains of salt...

[honeybee52]

robot, did you have a physical relationship with the friend who visited you for the weekend? i am not clear on that and it would make a difference in my response.

[honeybee52]

also, what are you ages?

[a robot]

thanks honey, ha!

 

not all. neither of us identify as gay. i dont think i made it clear to her my friend was not gay tho. i feel like i did leave some room for speculation.

[novaseeker]

Go to tea. See what she says. And take it from there.

[a robot]

oh shes 24 im 23 apart by just under a year

[a robot]

ya thats what im thinking. i just really want to be prepared for all scenarios. should i bring her stuff with me i told her it was alot to carry. and she said thats cute like i diddnt want to give it back...but if she is gonna pretend to be sweet now then meet up and remind me its over i want to be done right then? thoughts?

[novaseeker]

I wouldn't worry about the stuff -- you can always mail it to her. Just go to tea, see what she says (probably more mixed signals, would be my guess) and then decide after that what to do. The stuff isn't critical, you can always send it later.

[a robot]

ya tea is on i guess. just wanna be prepared for any possible scenario. shes extremely hard to read. im told i am also though...so just imagine the 2 of us together not a whole lot of the important stuff gets said. weird relationship. what works for some might not for everyone maybe?

[novaseeker]

Yeah it sounds a bit rough .. you know her better than any of us, though. Do your best -- if things aren't communicated, well then that is something to take from it as well.

[honeybee52]

Why would you leave such an important piece of info out of the conversation about the status of your relationship with your friend who visited? I mean, it sounds like maybe you two are playing some mind games with each other which spells D-O-O-M. If she was worried about your having another fling with your guest, you should have put her mind at ease and not dropped out of sight for the weekend. It sounds like you were trying to make her jealous or be coy or something. She may have her own games she's playing-- who knows?-- but if you're going to have a successful relationship, you have to be honest with each other and build each other's confidence, not try to shake things up.

 

Maybe neither of you is really ready for a mature, committed relationship. It sounds like you both like drama.

[a robot]

funny thing nova is i dont know her all that well. only what she presents. which is a sweet, shy and quiet personality.

 

shes the most guarded person ive ever met. ive never even too her apartment. i overlook alot of commonly excepted undesirable traits because im so nuts about her...very strange...anyway your helping alot...really appreciate it...i have trouble talking to friends and stuff about it. so thanks...

[novaseeker]

Well then yeah that is even more of a reason to take things with a grain of salt (or soy in this case ) ... if you don't know her that well, it's even harder to gauge what she will do, which argues in favour of just seeing what happens and trying to react in a way that is honest in terms of what you are feeling, inoffensive, and authentic.

[a robot]

honey-

 

you are absolutley right. i think i presented a narrow scope of whats happening now that u mention it. i will present this to her...but this has happened for no appearant reason previously. if i act tired or something its automatically because im tired of her..or i would rather be with my gay friends.. i really want to work it out so thanks for the heads up

[a robot]

ah yes. nice soy pun its all i can do be honest. but man she hurt me...did the initial breakup via text message. ouch

[novaseeker]

Yeah.. Listen, you should look out for you in this too: see what she says and such, but don't cave or compromise your feelings. I know that sounds unhelpful, but I think you know what I mean

 

I am off to sleep .. but good luck and keep us (me ) posted if needed.

[a robot]

most definitely. thanks again my friend. rest easy.