Valentine's Day Dilemma

[Jason16264]

Hello,

Awhile back I posted a message under the heading, "Girlfriend Stopped Calling". Obviously, she(we'll call her "Mary")is no longer with me and seeing somebody else-doing God knows what. She has not called or had any contact with me for 38 days. I know I hurt her feelings for accusing her of infidelity and taking her Christmas presents back but I feel that my reasons were legitimate: 1)She went from seeing me almost every day of the week to maybe 1 or 2 days; 2)Her cell phone bill reached nearly $200.00 at one point-her plan called for $29.95 per month; 3)She used to call every night-that diminished gradually; 3)She had dreams about "Bill", this supposed friend of hers; 4)She would mistakenly see "Bill" out in public even though it was somebody that looked like him; and 5)She stopped wearing an engagement ring that I gave her and worked my butt off for-claiming it to be too loose even though she wore it religiously a year prior despite the fact that it was loose! I even promised to make it up to her if the situation improved, but it is beyond repair-only God Himself can bring us together again. The last time we saw each other was Dec. 30-we even made love that night for crying out loud! If I recall correctly our relationship did not look doomed at all.

Basically, the dilemma is this: Should I try to do something extravagant for Valentine's Day in a last ditch attempt to get her talking to me again? Or should I just let go completely? The only time I tried contacting her was Jan. 8. At that time, I just figured she was mad at me and just wanted a couple of days to herself. Since then, I have not called, wrote, or anything to acknowledge her presense. I know she is with somebody else, I'm not ignorant. He can have her for all I care. It just scares me deep down inside to think that I will never talk to her again. I've bent over backwards for her, I've been to bat for her, I've stood up for her, and in many ways I've been like the brother she never had and now, after 6 years-it's no more. I don't show it outwardly to the world, but my heart is in pieces. Again, should I make some attempt at salvaging or just let it go? Any advice would be appreciated.

Take Care,

Jason

[mermayd]

Wow, I am sorry this girl has been so uninforming to you. Seeing as how she is with another person, I would strongly suggest NOT doing anything for vday. It will only create unecessary problems. You have to accept that she is no longer with you and although she was not really "nice" about leaving...you cannot drag yourself behind her. I do not want to seem negative or anything, but I think that she would interpret any sign of you trying to get back together as either dependence or disrespectful to her and this new beau. I knwo you hate to hear this, but I really think that you cannot put yourself or her in that uncomfotable position. You need to leave it up to her if she wishes to return to you

[SwingFox]

Hi Jason,

 

Thank you for sharing your concerns with us and allowing us to give our point of views to you.

 

As of my point of view, I am afraid that the best thing you can do is to let her go. I can fully understand and relate to your pain, when you say that you have been there for her for the past six years. Although I am not aware of the details, from what you have told me she let you go too easy and disrespectful. I am sorry for that.

 

With any attempt you'd make to get her back, you might loose some selfrespect. I understand that you still have deep feelings for her. Those feelings don't go away overnight. That takes time. I suggest to let all go, including your ideas about Valentine's Day.

 

To speed up the healing process I advise you feel and accept the pain as part of the healing process. Denying them or ignoring them cause more pain.

 

I hope my ideas were helpful to you and wish you good luck the coming period.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Jason16264]

To mermayd43 and SwingFox,

Thank you both for the prompt reply to my topic. I am going to let go of her. There is too much potential in me to just allow some stupid girl to dictate my life. Now the plan is to finish school and go on to either medical or graduate school. I'm in my mid 20's but my entire life is ahead and I can live it without her. The way I see it, God took her out of my life so I can develop myself and be a stronger person-she was indirectly the cause of me withdrawing from school on several occasions. She has no idea what she lost and in time it will all come back on her, God works in mysterious ways and He sees how I've been wronged. She has done me like this before, but I always end up having the last laugh. She will soon realize if she hasn't already that this new guy of hers will not even come close and when she gets her heart broken again and comes running back to me, I'm not taking her back.

This Valentine's Day will be the first time since 1998 that I have gotten her nothing. You see, we were friends up until the following year. I'm sure she expects me to suck up but when she finds no roses arriving at her door from me or a surprise visit with a gift, maybe it will dawn on her. She may start to wonder who I'm seeing now, because if I WAS desperate, I would still try calling her, seeing her at home and work, writing her, and showering her with gifts like I've done in the past. The fact is, I haven't called(other than my lapse on Jan.8), I've avoided where she works(a department store close to my home-I drive accross town to avoid going to that one), I've avoided her house, and in essense its like me and her never met. After all, if she wants to throw it all away-so be it. I'm sure her new lover is going to buy her something really nice. She's somebody else's problem and worry now.

Again, thank you both for the advice. I was seriously considering doing something for her, but that will only show weakness and desperation. I'm grateful that there is a website out there to vent your frustrations about life and love in general and receive valuable insight.

May God bless and take care.

Sincerely,

Jason

[SwingFox]

Jason,

 

You have my deep respect for the decision that you have made. I admire your courage. Your decision is based on sound reasoning from your part. I see a wonderful future ahead of you and wish you good luck in that.

 

Remember that the pain and hurt you feel inside you is normal. You have been with this woman for so long. But there is an end to that tunnel. Just accept your pain and hurt as part of the healing process and you will heal.

 

Meanwhile have fun in life... it's a precious and wonderful thing.

 

~ SwingFox ~