Told My Best Friend I Am BiSexual

[SnowYs]

Hey all;

 

A few months ago I acknowledged to myself that I was bisexual. Since then I have been with a few girls, and know I am bi. I slowly started to share with my friends. And to my delight everyone was quite cool with it. I saved my best friend for last - knowing she would have an issue with it. We have had conversations in the past about people who were gay and bi, and her remarks were always "Thats disgusting." "I dont understand how people could be that way." Etc. Well, everytime we'd have one of these conversations I would be thinking in my head "Well, Im that way..."

 

So anywayz, flash forward to 4 weeks ago and I finally get the balls to tell my best girl friend Im bi. Well, she took it about as well as I expected. She was really silent - and tryed to act like it didnt matter. But it did. And she changed. Since then she does not call. If I call her at home she does not pick up. If I stop by to talk to her at work, she acts funny towards me. Small talk. No personal conversations really. Its kinda bothering me...*sigh* I dont know what to do? I need advice (obviously...)? Do any of you have any suggestions? Everytime I try to discuss it with her and reassure her it does not go over well. And she freezes up like an iceberg.

 

I mean, I figured the obvious she thinks Im gonna try to get with her or something. But thats not how I feel towards her at all. Like, I can like girls - and still have friends that are girls, you know? Should I just drop it for now, and try to talk about other things? I dont know what to do!

 

Thanks in advance for an advice.

 

 

[kdreger]

Your best friend has two flaws.

 

1) She's ignorant

2) She's high on herself

 

Anyone who discovers their best friend is bi and then automatically assumes that they're going to be hit on is a fool. There's nothing you can do. She's not going to become un-ignorant.

 

I applaud you for being confident enough to be honest with yourself and with others. Don't let one persons faults deflect from that. Accept that she has to grow up and that for awhile you two won't be close. Maybe in the future it will dawn on her how stupid she is being, but until then enjoy your new freedom.

[musicguy]

SnowYs, it's good that you are comfortable telling people that you are bi. A lot of girls and even guys have a hard time telling others about it. As for you telling your best friend and her reacting the way she did, is normal.. a lot of people react that way. Just keep on talking to her. If she is really your friend she would accept you for who you are, your sexual preferences, etc. I'm heterosexual and I have gay friends and know bi-girls, but that doesn't stop me from being friends with them.

 

Musicguy

[QTpie87]

okay, lets just look at what you said. your other friends are cool with it, but your best friend isn't. that is messed up. if she is really your best friend then she would take you for who you really are. you could have kept it a secret, but you chose to be a true friend and let her know what is going on in your life and how you are changing. you should make it clear to her that you don't have those feelings for her, after all she is your best friend not a crush. what you choose ( if you like guys or girls or both) wont effect her. if she is acting like this because of she is worried about what others will think then that is messed up too. you should tell her that you don't care if others don't think that it is right or not. it is your choice and you shouldn't have to be what everyone else expects of you and if you were really her best friend and you mean that much to her then she will let you be an individual and be who you really are. just ask yourself this one Question for your benifit, why was she your best friend to begian with and if something like that can do this to you two then was it really a good or true friendship at all. ask her that Question also. Well best of luck and if your friend can't take you for who you are then her and find a true bud.

good luck,

love Qtpie87 0X 8)

[Mar]

I would have to say that your best friend should be a little more understanding of your choices, be they good or bad in her eyes. There's nothing wrong with bisexuality, and her snubbing you for your choices is wrong. She may have her prejudices against homosexuality or bisexuality, but she also has her best friend, and the two shouldn't be connected, since you've said you have no interest in her beyond a friend.

 

Try to talk to her one more time. State clearly that you've no intention of hitting on her, and that she should respect your choices, even if she disapproves, as you respect hers in the same situations (i.e. bad decision-making.) My best friend has watched me make some awful snafus and NEVER judged me on them, because she knows there are things she's done that I've disapproved of too, but you just don't DO that with your friends. If you were harming yourself in some way, that'd be a different matter.

 

Let her know that you respect her and value her friendship, but that your life is your own to live and that it's not her place to judge you on what you choose to do with it, again unless you're hurting yourself in some way and she's just concerned. If she can't accept this, I'd suggest taking a break from her for awhile and letting her think about being so hasty to judge. It might be an eye-opener for her to realize that your sexuality doesn't change who you are as a person and a friend, and that she was hasty in throwing that away over prejudice!

 

Mar

[paul475]

...find bisexual women almost too hot and the topic of many of my own personal sexual fantasies, I can understand some of your friend's confusion.

 

First, the view from 40,000 feet.

 

Late teens through middle twenties is a time of alot of hormonal activity in men and women. You're hornier than you will be right now than you will be for most of your life. Experimentation and pushing the envelope is a common practice for just about everyone with that, "itch."

 

Secondly, the view from my perspective.

 

I think you set your best friend up. I think you threw her a curve ball because you are really feeling like you are outgrowing her and rather than just keeping things in that particular ballpark, you chose to play by street rules. Not polite. Not nice. But now your friend gets to deal with all the guilt you believe is involved in your growing up, rather than you taking full responsibility for it.

 

There is nothing to feel guilty about. But if you dig inside your head a little, I think you will find some. We all have it. It doesn't belong there. What we don't purge from ourselves we will eventually project onto others, and this little sexual swindle may well be one of those unconscious techniques we need to get conscious of and start taking responsibility for.

 

Never, ever, EVER impose your sexuality on someone you do not feel safe talking with about it. Ever. There are just TOO MANY hotbuttons that can be pushed here and there are precious few folks who are trained to navigate in these waters.

 

Spend some time alone before you go in search of a new best friend. I think you've screwed the proverbial pooch here and may well live to regret ever having told this person an intimate detail of your inner life that was just not appropriate for the level of relationship you had with her. She's confused and angry and hurt, and she should be. You will likely feel abandoned, betrayed and rejected. And you should.

 

Share, check, share, check, share. When you feel someone pushing back, don't go there. It's not nice. You shouldn't require other people's approval of your choices, so don't go around leading with your chin.