I think a guy friend of mine is gay

[newuser03]

I have a friend who is 19 and he constantly touches me all the time whenever we hang out! He cannot keep is hands off of me. He touches my face, calls me various names such as "playboy" and asks me to massage his back or legs. When ever he is within reach of me, he always strokes my hair or tries to run his fingers through it.

 

Ironicaly, he has an interest in girls but he doesnt have a girl friend. He always tells me that he hits them and makes them cry by hurting their feelings. Some things such as those particular items confusses me. I have friends, but none of them act these ways towards me at all! Not to mention beat up on the opposite sex for no reason.

 

From what I know, Im the only one of his friends he does this too...he has never done it to any of his other friends and he has done this since like the day we became friends.

 

Could some one shed some light on this situation...

[Cid]

I think your friend is bi not gay. Well I know where your coming from I have a bi roomate. You can tell him that this makes you uneasy, or you can dich him as a friend, or you can just live with it. I sugest that you tell him that he is making you uneasy when he is making you uneasy. I hope that this helps you.

[Anamarie89]

I think your friend has some mental issues... I don't mean that like being gay is a mental issue, just that he likes to make girls cry and touches you strangely. I obviously don't know the whole situation but that's the impression I get. He probably doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. Or maybe he knows its wrong, but he shouldn't get pleasure out of making girls cry, even if he is gay!

[Cid]

Anamerie89 you are right I forgot about that little part. There might be something wrong with your friend.

[The Morrigan]

Hmm... call it a feeling, but the way he reacts toward GIRLS makes me think he's not gay, but has issues with women - either some sort of fear or intimidation issues that make him unable to react towards the opposite sex in a non-confrontational way. Most gay or bi guys I've known, or have heard about secondhand are more at ease with girls; there's no sexual tension, or at least less, they tend to make many women friends easily. Bi is possible - sounds more like he's more at ease to be casually teasing and affectionate towards guys, or at least towards you. Put plainly - most people don't react THAT strongly to a gender they're not attracted to - he's asserting dominance over girls by being "mean" (abusive to an extent) and that's not generally something you see when there's no tension there and no underlying issues. If the contact bothers you just tell him nicely you're not comfortable being touched much by other guys.

[Anamarie89]

Yeah, reading the Morrigan's post... I'm no psychologist, but he might have had something happen to him in childhood that altered his thinking processes towards women and men. I mean, logically, if you grew up with an gay or abuser (who abused your mom or other women) when you were very young, you'd think it was absolutely normal. Actually, you wouldn't even think about it, it just got lodged in your brain while your brain was still developing and you'd accept it as fact. So possibly something like this is the case? At any rate, you're still allowed to tell him that his touching makes you uncomfortable. Whether or not he'll respond is a different issue.