I hate myself and I want to die

[siefer]

Hi. Im 17 years old. I recently got my first girlfriend and its not everything I thought it would be. I like her, but things are still so bad. Im getting bad grades and my parents said they wont help me pay for college unless I get good grades..and Im going to be done with high school by june. My parents recently read all of my online conversations and they read about me talking about some drugs I did and read about me calling my dad an a-hole and all this other stuff. My parents earlier this year caught me smoking cigarettes and they think I just started, even though I've done it for 3 years. If I wasnt addicted, I would've stopped, but I cant. I've tried. I got fired from my job that I enjoyed and am now at a terrible job with long hours and low pay. I drink alcohol about every weekend and get drunk every weekend. I almost got in trouble with the cops for it twice in a month. I've gone into this terrible way of living and looking at things, that it's become a habit I can not stop. Has anyone felt like this? Anyway, I dont wanna hear the same old speech about how it is wrong to kill yourself. I was just wondering if anyone knows any painless ways to kill yourself or least painful ways compared to other. I know it sounds cowardish, but frankly I dont care

[lil_mamarains13]

You are young, and you need to grow up and take some responsibility for your actions. What do you think your parents will feel like if you kill yourself? What if someone close to you killed themself? Put yourself in their shoes and think about how they would feel. Sounds like you need to start seeing a counseler to help dig yourself out of the deep hole you are stuck in. It won't be easy, it won't be fun either, but you will wind up growing stronger and learning a lot from this experience. I won't tell you how to kill yourself in a painless way or in a painful way. It hurts no matter what way you do it. It may not hurt but it will hurt people around you. You may think no one cares because your eyes are closed right now, but you will find out that there are people around you that do. Your young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Be smart about it and stop hurting yourself and others around you. I know how you feel because I have been there to many times. It is not easy, and yes I have tried to kill myself 3 times, but then I thought about my parents, my friends, my family, my Godson. I knew how it would hurt them terrible, and I stuck it through and gave up trying.

[siefer]

I"ve thought about a counselor or a therapist, but my parents would think its a waste of money and that I could get through it myself. Its been going on for sooo long. I just feel so incredibly sad at times. At my new job I hate, while I was waiting for someone, I just started crying for no reason at all. I have no motivation at all for anything and I wish I did. I really do. I have no experience in anything and nothing really interests me anymore. My friends have gotten so boring to me, but I still see them, so I can get out of my house to avoid my dad to talk to me about college. Things are just so bad

[Princess777]

Hello, I understand that you don't want to live any more.... I feel the same way most of the time.... so don't feel "alone".... You asked not to hear the standard "it's bad to kill yourself" thing.... so I won't say that. What I will say is that even though I feel the same way you do, and I am more than twice your age, problems will always follow you until you take control of your life. You are only one year away from being a legal adult. I'm not going to paint a pretty picture for you because life IS tough, but it is also what you make it. I took the first step today toward taking control of mine and made an appointment with a psychologist today to see if I can be helped professionally, without drugs.... I don't do the drug thing.... depression and a pessimistic, untrusting attitude has always plagued me, even when I was younger than you. Things will not get any better unless you take responsibility for your own actions and admit to your mistakes and get professional help because neither of us are supposed to feel this way. Things DO get better when you step outside your life for a moment and look at it like you would a friend of yours. Tell that friend what you would do if you were him, cause you ARE him. I doubt it would be to kill yourself....

[lil_mamarains13]

I am sorry if I sounded rude in my earlier post. You are a bright young man, and if you are still in school seak couseling with your school counseler. There are ways to get help. Sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel and your thoughts of suicide, and that you feel strongly that you need professional help. Not only do you get thoughts of suicide, but you body starts to shut down with depression. You will find yourself getting ill real easy, and staying ill for a long time. Depression does funny things to you, but it does and I know this from experience. I am only 20 and I have been where you are 2 times.

[SweetypieEnlightenedOne]

Something tells me your not as serious about killing yourself as you would like to believe. Bad grades, mean parents and drugs are not a sufficient enough reason to hit the road. Sorry buddy no sale. You came here for help, you want an out, but you know as well as I do that you dont' want that kind of an out. When it rains it poors and if you give up on these days when there bad, then you'll never know when the Sun was going to shine. I have been there before, I thought I was ready to give up. I was so tired of not getting anywhere. I had a very abusive father and a doormat mother, I was in poverty, my grades dropped faster then a Hookers underwear to her ankles, I had no friends, I was being sexually assualted by a neighbor four houses down. I ALMOST KILLED MYSELF, but I knew, that this was not going to be my situation forever. Someone else on this forum said one of the most valuable and wise things I have ever heard, they said "SUICIDE: a PERMENANT solution to a TEMPORARY problem. I totally agree with this. I am now a very strong successful, women, I work at Law firm with great people. My father and me have patched up a lot of our old problems and I'm still learning. The sun can't shine everyday....even it needs a break. Try to understand that instead of having this defeatus attitude by drinking your life away, do something constructive..

 

 

Do you want to know what helped me get over, (well i'll never get over it) get past my Rape? It was helping other women just like me. It made me stronger, they depended on me, and I liked feeling trusted and loved, and respected. Maybe you should help other people in your situation, so that you can see, that not only is this LIFE, but this is also just at temporary thing. WHo knows, you could of been the next bill gates, and you killed yourself so now we'll never know...

[vfunkera]

you come here expecting us to give you painless ways to kill yourself? wouldnt you have just searched on yahoo or something, instead of coming here, giving us your reasons and then asking for no ones opinions? you are looking for some kind of resolution and i am going to try and give it to you. at least read this and some other posts before you decide to go and die.

 

you are 17 years old. that is only a 1/5 of the life you will go on to live. you have yet to move out for yourself, find a girl that will love you for who you are and give you a reason to live. you have yet to start your own family, and and get your own real job and living. and you want to throw it all away just because your parents read your online stuff and caught you smoking? i bet you cant wait to get out of that house? i couldnt wait. go do my own thing. i did and i love it!

 

life is what you make it. you are in the position, or 'habit' because you put yourself init. and you've got to be strong and come out of it. before you die, consider if you have done everything that you could have possibly done. have you? have you tried every option there is to have an alternative. happiness is waiting for you. you've just got to go out and find it. when you find it you will not regret it. i was sick of life. yea i tried killing myself. but i couldnt. then i met a girl who is now my ex, and cannot believe that i actually found a reason to live. that was my happiness, and i live to this day so that i can find that thing called love again. hang around a bit more and take it one day at a time.

 

i wont go on anymore because it will end up sounding like a 'speech'. but remember one thing that i always remember in ANY SITUATION-

 

"Through every dark night, theres a bright day after that, so no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep your head up, and handle it".

[holeinmysoul33]

Hey,

 

I'm just going to give you some thoughts I had about why your feeling depressed while reading your post. Other people might disagree with me, but I think a major portion of the problem is the way your parents are treating you. They're not being supportive of what your doing with your life in any way. Sure, you may not be doing much right now, but parents are supposed to be there to guide you, not tell you, as to where you should go next. Your stuck in this rut because they haven't given you the room to figure out what your interested or goals in life are. Theyre on your butt telling you that you have to make decissions because the rest of your life depends on what decissions you make now. Honestly, the further you get in life the more decissions there are.

 

So theyre trying to motivate you negativly. They're saying get good grades or we wont help you with college. Did you ever stop to ask yourself if you really want to go to college? I don't consider my college years a waiste of my time, but I know there were other things I could have done and I might be happier with my career track right now. There are so many directions you can go without college.

 

And the whole thing with reading your online conversations: thats them not wanting to let you have some freedom. Theyre still trying to control you when they dont realize that they dont have any control over what you do anymore. You have your own mind and you can make your own decissions, and that probably frightens them.

 

So my suggestion is to sit down with them, perhaps with a moderator such as a school counsoler, and tell them everything that they do that makes them angry. And then tell them every thing that theyve done that you appreciate. And say that you haven't appreciated them lately, and that you want to again, and tell them that in order for you to appreciate and respect them again, they need to let you have more freedom.

 

Ok, thats my long train of thought. Also, no matter what you choose now, you can always change your mind later.

 

"Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run theres still time to change the road your on."

[thePuma]

I can't add much to what was already said. Read SweetypieEnlightenedOne's post... I liked it.

 

This kind of thoughts come and go in your age. Being 16 to 18 sometimes is this hard. I went through it and now I'm ok. I like myself a lot more.

 

siefer, when you're done thinking, let us now what you have chosen. Please?

[MrDraw]

OK, I understand your feelings. I too have reached that point in my life a few times. You think that everything in life is cruel to you. And sometimes it is, we all know that!!

But life goes up and down, and I know it's difficult, but keep up with the good times!

Anyways, it's not my kind of style in giving information about how to end your life. But if you give it a real good thought, you'll know what to do.

If you really want to kill yourself, you're not asking yourself if and how you want to do it, you just do it.

In this case your asking for advice, so you have somthing in live that holds you back. Think it over!! What's holding you back and why. Then you'll find your answer to keep living your life. I know, I've experienced this many times.

Set your goals in life and try to reach them. Each time you feel down and everything is against you, you'll just look for something to do or to achive in life!!

And try to find a friend (your best friend?!) and talk about the things in your life. It's helping a great deal if you talk about things that set you of.

Talking, just talking about your problems (and good things of course), will make life so much easier.

I hope you'll find a reason to life!

If not I'm sorry.

[swift44]

You should never give up on life, it is too much of a beatiful gift that God himself has given us. we should never give up. there is a reason to live as long as you have family and friends who love you trust me their is no reason to give up. as long as you live your life in the footsteps of God and try to ignore your problems things will surely get better. good luck with your problems and i wish you the best in life

[blue77]

Well, I've been listening to this optimistic drivel for the better part of my life. I felt alone when I was 15 and I feel even more alone at 30. People are self-serving, and love is nothing more than a word used to describe physical desire. Not much in this world is real, and there aren't too many people you can actually count on. God this, God that. You can only suck from a pacifier so long.

 

Let me know if you find a quick and painless method.

 

 

[swift44]

So Sad..... just cause life is hard you choose the cowards way out...........

[ForAnother]

You ask for a painless way out? Pills and alcohol man, I would think its the quickest and most painless.

 

Know what, life does suck. you work your butt off through these X number of years and what does life do to you? It freakin kills you. Life can suck, and at times it sucks so bad we get to the suicidal thought process.

 

Yeah I have done it too, drugs, alcohol the works. I also cut, looked online on ways to tie a noose. I did it cuz after I felt better. Like some pain was released out of me. Physical pain takes over and you begin to think of the moment rather than the consequences in the future. We do what we gotta do i think.

 

Someone said something about parents. Hey, say screw what your parents think. Once your out of High school go to a community college. Get a job for the summer, or work for a year, then go to college. You got so many years to live why not work to get to college, won't it make you want to work harder and better in college? Your makin your own goals and stuff.

 

I really don't know exactly what to say, but you gotta find somethign that makes you happy, that takes you outta hell and into the real world. Finish High school and work your way to happiness. Don't let people command you. Once your out, you could find your way to Europe. Do something there, travel a bit, work here and there. Do it all, experience it all. When you come back, the world will be new, and you will have a fresh start. Do something, it will change you in every way.

 

For Another

[devastation]

sometimes people do feel the need to execute a perfect suicide plan coz screwing it up might have long term consequences eg overdosing on the wrong combination might not kill you but will damge your vital organs and you will be physically impaired for the rest of your life. but i am not encouraging you to follow what i said just now though. i can understand why you wanna end it but i still think it's in your best interest to get away from your parents as soon as possible although it's easier said than done as you might still need their financial support

[coppergold]

I'm only 14 years old (nearly 15). I have a boyfriend who is nearly 18, thought that getting an older boyfriend would solve my one of my problems, but its just made me realise something else. To most people I have a great life, friends, nice house, parents are together, and don't no anything about how I really feel.

 

 

 

Only a few of my friends know what I feel like, and I took me a while to actually reveal it. You see whenever I tell my secrets it all goes wrong. For some reason I seem to see the worse in everything, and believe that its true. I seem to get really irritable so my friends then become just annoying people. I seem to lack sleep, and all my coursework is crap along with school work because I can't consentrate. For some stupid reason I sharpen edges of my plectrums and under school desks I dig them into my wrists so it hurts and bleeds, but no body sees. I cover the marks up with sweatbands.

 

My parents think they are clver but they are stupid, I'm doing crap at school, get no sleep, listen to death metal, never show my bare wrists and always dong things wrong. Seems prety obvious.

 

Once I saw my perfect opertunity for help, we had to do a graph of our health emotions in school, my highest was a 3 out of 10, my teacher came over said, trust you to be different. Well * * * * him, because if my planning goes to plan he will be sacked for ignoring my "cry for help"

 

I just want a short painless death. Soon.

 

there is nothing that can stop what we want to do, so get a plan so i doesn't go worng and do it.

[becallamjr]

I'm not gonna bull you about suicide and how you shouldn't do it because it is "cowardly" and "selfish", I'm not gonna tell you to grow up either, because you have just started your life. What I will tell you is that I have nearly killed myself 4 times, once I had to be resuscitated. I lost a lot of blood when they brought me back. I could tell you that it is not worth it, but whatever to end the pain right? The only thing I can tell you are three things that always stop me from going through with it. 1. My family would be devistated, even when the pain is so bad I still think of them. 2. My friends. 3. The few happy days I get every now and again. I hope you will not go through with it and come up with three reasons why you shouldn't as well. If you need to talk, you got someone here that completely understands what you are feeling right now.

[Antieli]

Hi,

 

I'm not going to give everyone the same old speech about how life is precious, or it all gets better, because the truth is for some people it doesn't get better. For some people it will keep getting worse until you die. Life is by no means precious. But at the same time depression and suicide are not romantic notions. They suck. It doesn't make anyone more creative or more mysterious.

 

I have to say I'm getting disillusioned when I read posts from teenagers wanting to kill themselves because a girl/boy doesn't like them or some other thing like that. There are people out there, me included, who would sell their soul in a second to have their issues be about a girl/boy who broke their heart.

 

Am I saying that my pain is worse or that your's isn't as important? No.

 

What I am saying, is that eventually we have to realize that everytime something bad happens, we can't just reach for the bottle of whiskey and sleeping pills, or slit the wrists, or blow your brains out.

 

Eventually we have to realize that life sucks. That's just it. It wasn't meant to be fair. If it was fair, we'd all be millionaires, with model bodies, and perfect health. Take time to feel the pain of that unfairness. Let it take you over, and then use that to do something about it.

 

Am I saying we should keep fighting? Yeah. When you have absolutely nothing to live for, then you're free to do whatever the hell you want. There's a clarity when the bottom is reached. Let survival be what you live for.

 

We have to claw and bite to get we want.

 

This will probably hurt you to know this, and it's against every rule out there, but honestly no one cares if you succeed or not. You are the only one who should care.

 

If you want to hurt someone you hate, go ahead and kill yourself. But if you want to hurt them even more, survive.

[Edward78]

I just feel so incredibly sad at times.

 

That is so true, I just cry when I am alone, I see no point in living at times. Bored out of my bloody mind, I want to move, but if I tell my mom (I live with parents, disabled) she just gets mad at me. I use to be happy, then my dad started talking about moving into a house, yes haven't lived in a house for a long time. I have to have my pacemaker replaced soon & since I have no heart beat without it, I am not caring if something happens & I die. I am 30, but I don't care.