dumped! I'm in a crisis!

[crinklecat]

Hi, I've been posting a lot lately.

 

I quit my job and feel sick about it. That was on tuesday. I still feel sick about it. I dont have any money and dont really know where I am going in my life. Stressor #1

 

 

Stressor number one is a pretty big stressor for me. I've got bills to pay and I dont really know what to do. I already take depression meds for anxiety, so it's fairly obvious that I dont handle stress well.

 

Then saturday morning, I get an email from I guy I was dating

 

 

I dont how to do anything but be honest. I have met someone else online (where I met him) and would like to pursue a relationship with her. Rather than maintain a relationship and start a new one, I would like to focus on the new realtionship.

I really valued our experiences and enjoyed the time that we spent together, and hope this experience will help us find the ones that we are looking for in our lives

 

Thats pretty much verbatim what he said.

Via email.

 

and I liked this guy. I havent eaten in almost 2 days, and am having panic attacks in which I have to calm myself out of.

I'm hurt, and sad but our realtionship was really healthy. I feel lost and confused. I got along great with this guy. we (at least I thought) we clicked well on a friendship level. Did I fall for this guy too soon? we were dating for about 2 months or so. What am I doing wrong?? Am I clingy? Do I want too much? He never really told me where I stood, so I assumed that we were dating. I'm confused and sick. Typing this hurts but I know that there will be someone to clarify this.

 

I'm confused if he thought I wwas clingy cause he is in the navy and would go oput on the ship for a week at a time. I would just ring hm to do stuff on the weekends..... Please help. I dont know what to do.

 

I'm desperate.

[enadevoli]

i know how much it hurts to be dumped, i think most of us do, but you can't let this control your life. you need to eat!! not eating is only going to make you feel worse & its going to cause you so many problems. as hard as it seems, you just need to move on with your life. im sure you have heard this one before, but there are plenty of fish in the sea. this guy isn't meant for you, which i know is also one of those things that seems hard to believe, but you wil meet someone some day who is so perfect for you. every thing happens for a reason, every thing! right now, it will help if you don't think about your ex for awhile. keep your mind busy with other things, like homework, work, schoo, friends, or a hobby. i think you need to go out & find a job as soon as possible. until then, is there any thing you can do about money, like move in with your parents, or a friend, or something? i think you are just over stressed out right now because of every thing thats going on, but it will be over with soon, just do yourself a favor & eat because you don't need to become sick & its only going to make you feel worse.

[crinklecat]

I ate some food, but I hate this roller coaster. I want to learn from this experience....

[kuhl282000]

Hey Girl

 

I understand your confusion. And let me start by saying I have some facts on triangle relationships. Someone always gets hurt. You will have to make a choice one way or the other. It is not fair to either guy, they sure do not want to compete against one another. And you will not be true to yourself. And that is when the confusion sets in. The first guy has history, do you want to throw away all of that time you both invested. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence all the time. If you jump ship you may be losing something precious to you. The new guys are easy, because they are new. It's new so it is exciting, but I have always believed I would rather have someone that I can count on and is solid. I have seen the triange theory come into play several times.I just got out of one two weeks ago, it was a nightmare. I have seen three people destroyed, two people destroyed. But one person always gets destroyed. And guys look at it as cheating.So follow your heart on this one. But do not lead the other one on. It will only get harder for you. It is o.k. to date more than one person as long as you make that "Very" clear to all parties involved up front. You cannot be in a committed relationship with two people. Many have tried, and they all have failed. You will figure it out and do the right thing.

 

Good Luck

Surf's Up !

Kuhl

[crinklecat]

I know what you mean. I was the hurt triangle portion in that relationship.

 

I only dated him for a couple of months but I still grieve. I guess that show how much people mean to me huh? I guess that can be viewed as a good trait.

 

I dont have any desire to speak to him nor to find out why I just want to learn from this experience, it's just the roller coaster I hate

 

any ideas to help me to cope? I would like feedback on that. I cried a lot today, but then I was ok today also.

[enadevoli]

its good to cry...it does help & its better than holding it in. i would say, just try to keep your mind off of him by doing a hobby or something. also, it helps to write in a journal about your feelings, or talk to some one.

[Gilgamesh]

Hey Crinkle

 

Dont assume that just because a relationship ended its because of something you did wrong, what your looking for, and what this guy wanted could just be two different things.

 

Dont change because you think you not "his type", what you need to do is find someone that has the same values and goals as you.

 

So dont go blaming yourself. you can do everything right and still lose.

 

Take care of yourself in every way, ok. when one door closes another will open.

 

please PM me again anytime. sorry i didnt reply sooner, I got that Fujian Flu.

[kuhl282000]

Crinkle Girl

 

I agree with Gilgamesh 100 % he was right on the money...."Not Your Fault" ........as far a coping I think you go through a range of emotions. The order may vary for each person. Like you said you cry, and you will feel sad, regret, bitterness, anger, confusion, denial, sometimes hope and then when your ready you accept the fact it is over.

The thoughts will always be in you heart. I hate emotionial pain. It is the toughest of all. But you will learn something from this. You will grow into a stronger better person. Sounds to me that you are doing pretty good.

 

Peace & Love

Kuhl

[crinklecat]

thanks kuhl and gilg...

 

do you go on living life as normal as you can? do you still meet people (not in a relationship sense but just to talk and be friends?)

 

having more friends in your life is a good thing, but I'm not even sure about that. take a break?

 

of course it will take me some time to get over this guy, and the stress of not having a job doesnt seem to help either.

 

what about other potentials? I need to be honest with them and say that hey, I just want to be friends with you right now, that's it. if they dont understand then give them the boot, right?

 

there are a couple of other guys that are interested in knowing me better, but I dont really feel like its the best timing right now, you know? I'm smart in that sense, I want to give each person their fair chance. it's ok to be friends with them if I clarify that it is only that, right?

 

or should I not talk to them at all?

[kuhl282000]

Good morning Crinkle

 

Just do what is right for you right now, be a little selfish and do what makes you feel right. The healing part really does take some time. As to how much time everyone differs. I'm going through it now myself, and the hoildays are going to be really tough for me. I have committed 2003 as a disaster for me as far as my love life. I'm committing 2004 to me. I suggest you find a job, just take anything to stay busy. That will help get your mind off of things. I have other girls both from the past and new girls wanting to hook up with me now that I'm not attached anymore. For me I just don't feel ready to even attempt to start anything new right now. When I'm ready I'm ready. I'm going to a Holiday party Saturday night and have some fun with some friends. It is always good to have friends. In my case I was lied to and cheated on. And that is a hard thing to swallow and get over. Like you I really did not do anything wrong. But still never the less it hurts deep.Let the healing begin. I hate this break-up crap, I really do. Have a great holiday.

 

Kuhl