Am I over-reacting by dropping a friend?

[brighteyes1186]

My first-ish post here, so thanks for listening This is pretty long, and I apologize in advance!

 

Anyway, back in the fall during football season is when I first felt like I was being treated badly. The particular turning point was during a game where I was begged to go to the game with person, etc. We were supposed to go to the game about when the gates open to get moderate seats, but ended up trailing to different houses to "hang out." No biggie. Not a big prob. I'm not 21 yet, but they decided to go to the bar. "You should just go on ahead," this friend said. Right. I, a female, am going to walk to our 90,000-plus-seat stadium alone and sit ... alone while you drink? No, thanks. "You're just getting a drink, right?" she said. I decided I could wait outside for a bit. Fifteen minutes later, I get a text that says "I feel bad. Sorry. You should just go on ahead." Luckily, I had friends whom I usually sat with already there, so I called them (and they weren't surprised by the situation) and arranged to sit with them.

 

I was pissed for a while but eventually moved on, because this was a fun group of people; the only group that actually liked to go out a lot, and not much else happened that sticks out in my mind (I don't have the best memory). And then we have two weekends ago, when they asked if I wanted to go out. I said no thanks because I hadn't slept much because of all my work. She told me to get some rest and have a good night. A few hours later, I get a paragraph-long text (not a call, which would've at least been courteous), asking if I wanted to drive three people out to Hollywood. "Of course we'd reimburse you for your gas and time." I lied and said I was already in bed (I'm passive, sorry), and I have been pissed about that ever since. It seems small when I look back, but I've essentially ignored texts and calls since that day. It's not like we were that close to begin with

 

After typing it out, I feel like a baby, but I'm tired of being the first person asked to do favors but that last person to receive any consideration.

[nikesnlevis]

If you feel like you're being "used", you probably are. It sounds like you don't have much in common with these people, and you're better off without them in your life. I've recently went through some things with so called "friends", a lot of lying, backstabbing going on, and finally we all agreed one night (7 of us) to get together and talk about EVERYTHING. And guess what, the next day 2 of um were still trying to cause drama. I let it be known, that day, I'm done, and don't need them in my life.

Stick up for yourself, and don't let people walk all over you. If you feel disrespected let it be known.

[Haven]

Ouch. They were going to "reimburse" you? It sounds like they thought you were a personal taxi service rather than a friend. You are definitely right to be ignoring their calls/texts.

[Lauren8785]

I agree these are no friends by any means! Time to dump them and move on. I hate how so many people just use others for their advantages. Just very cruel! Good luck to making new friends, they are very hard to find!

[wayoverit]

It sounds like your friend was considerate enough. It's you who was the being the baby here.

 

Example: At the game, she did text you saying they felt bad and ask if you wanted to go first. It's your problem if you were too afraid to sit in the stadium alone. She didn't flake on you one bit. You didn't wait by the entrance and she'd never stood you up. What a baby to feel that you were abandoned and ignored. wow..

 

Example: They asked if you can go out, you said no. Fine.. They then emailed you, and maybe a few other friends, that they needed a ride and offered to reimburse you. You felt "used" for being asked? You haven't even done a thing for them. How can that be "used"? Friends ask friends to help out, all the time. You can say no, and flake, but don't do it too often. Can't you see who's the baby?

[brighteyes1186]

1. No, I am absolutely not going to sit in a stadium by myself with 92,000 drunk people. You can't save seats, so I'd literally be by myself for the game. "We'll meet you inside." These are sold out games because of our team's prominence. Of this situation, I am unwavering in my level of discontent.

 

2. The texting thing is what I'm most unsure about. It wasn't an e-mail but a text and it was just sent to me. It was also about 20 minutes before they'd expected me to drive all the way to this person's place (not by the rest of campus where I live) and take them even farther (40 minutes-ish). After I've said that I haven't slept and am going to sleep right after class? So considerate.

 

I'm not being annoyed at you, just them, btw.

[wayoverit]

I guess it's a "tolerance" thing. Personally I don't see any obvious signs of your friend taking you for granted. You can say NO to all her ridiculous requests, but how ridiculous you will look by not being a good sport about it, in her eyes, can affect your friendship relations. In the end, she is your friend, so you make the call how much distance you want to put between you and her.