Holy crap, will I ever get over her?

[brahman]

I dated this girl over 3 years ago, with a 2.5 year relationship in between that and I still find myself thinking I will never feel as good as I did with her with anyone else. I want to talk to her, find out if she still has attachment problems, is she still nuts? Will she tell me why everyone in the world thought she still liked me after we broke up, but would never say it? Why did she abandon all her friends? Is she happy? does she have peace of mind now? My mind is just wondering, I am a little depressed right now. I suppose its karma getting payback for not being more honest in my last relationship. I'm even thinking about how she would run for a few hours and I would catch her afterwards and everyone in her family said she stinks and needed to take a shower, but I actually liked the way she smelled, even all stinky. ](*,) (FRIGGIN BRAIN, JUST TURN OFF ALREADY)](*,)

[Tony_TJ_MX]

Man, I have that same "karma" thing going on in the back of my mind, but there's nothing you can do right now about that relationship so just let it go. About your ex and all the questions you have in your mind ... I'm with you man, on the freakin same boat, but for me it's all NC forever and ever, sometimes the right thing and the hardest thing to do are the same, I heard that in a song today. But all those memories, smells, tastes, all that stuff is what makes this so damn tough, but for me there's nothing I can do so I'll try not to think about it. Hang in there man, if it's meant to be it will be, if not, you'll move on eventually, dont force it.

 

Tony

[KileOriginal]

Have you thought about moving out of the state and starting a new life?

 

That's what I'm thinking about doing to get over things.

 

Otherwise there isn't much I can say to help you other than its better not to know, cause sometimes knowing what happened and how you affected some one else and how they went on with their lives can really mess you up even more. What's done is done.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

You have to start thinking about YOU rather than people who are long gone. Rather than thinking about her, you need to start thinking about why you are hanging onto something that is doing nothing for you, and isn't even a part of your life anymore. You are basically stuck, and need to get unstuck to move on with your life and find happiness for yourself.

 

There could be lots of psychological reasons for hanging onto this, but it is just not healthy for you to do it, and if after 3 years you are still obsessing about her, it may be a good time to consider counseling so that you're not living with only a memory but with another real girl.

 

You can have happy memories of someone, or sad memories, but you need LIVE in the in present, not the past. By focusing on something that is done, you are depriving yourself of all kinds of good experience. You need to put memories of her to rest, and if you can't do that on your own, please consider counseling. It is OK to have small nostalgic moments, but if this is consuming you, then you deserve better.

[lifeiscash]

Alright man, this is EXACTLY what I am going through. However my situation is a little worse and I probably have more reasons to get over her. You have to move on and you have to concentrate on yourself before you can do that. It's REALLY hard, it really is, but the more energy you put into remembering her and the more energy you put in other things beside yourself the more your life will be about her and not you. You need to focus your time and ENERGY into other things that will improve YOU that will bring your confidence up.

 

When you can learn to live with yourself and understand that you don't need her in your life to make you feel good about yourself then you will realize its not necessarily the girl but your own self-esteem and insecurities. It hurts to know that someone has moved on with their life before the other or just in general. The only option is to reflect back on yourself, keep your head up, and look for new/ BETTER opportunities.

 

And I'm not saying that this will be easy, I'm going through it right now. I mess up from time to time but learn from your mistakes, improve your strengths, and live for the moment, not for the past.. The post above me was excellent. I agree with it 100%