Still hurting bad after breakup! help me please!

[CustomX]

It's been 2 weeks and 3 days since the break up. The last 3 days Ive been feeling good. Now I'm feeling like crap again and I'm hurting bad. I miss her so much again and I'm going insane. I haven't heard from her in a couple of days and I'm beginning to think i wont. We had a 5 year relationship until 2 weeks ago. Now she is with this other guy as soon as we break up and im no longer in the picture not even as a friend it seems like. I never get a call from her asking if im alright. How can somone be so heartless like that and do such a thing to me...

[lil_mamarains13]

There are many people that can be heartless. It is a cold heart fact. I am not saying everyone is, but there are quite a few. The best thing you can do is find something to do that makes you happy. Keep the time in your life occupied to give her mind less time to think about her. That doesn't mean that you will forget her, but you will be able to handle it better. Live one day at a time, and live it to the fullest.

[CustomX]

I've been trying so hard to move on and do thing to keep me busy but out of no where i just collapsed...my heart is beating fast and i cant help it. i just really wish i had her back in my life.....

[lil_mamarains13]

I am so sorry you are hurting. My boyfriend just moved 3 hours away from me, and the first couple of days I couldn't sleep, and I cried. I got really down, but because I have been depressed 2 times in my life I felt that feeling coming back, and I had to tell myself enough is enough. Live one day at a time, and relax. Life is to short to sit around and cry all the time. Keep occupied, and concentrate on other things. I didn't want to fall back in that pattern of saddness. You have to try and be strong and the storm will blow over. My brother-n-law told me happiness will find you, but don't go searching for it or it won't find you. I don't know if it helps, but I hope so.

[MrKawabata]

Of course you'd want to get back together because she was so much a part of your life and you gave so much to her. If it is any consolation, think of the good things you did for her and take encouragement from that. Her response it seems was improper, and I doubt a loving and caring woman would ever do that. Time can be a good healer, too. You may have opportunities available to you now that you didn't have before when in relationship. Apart from that, I'm so sorry a breakup happened to you. It just doesn't seem right.

[CustomX]

I've even asked her if we could just go to a relationship therapist and she wouldnt do that! i was the one trying to keep the relationship together and going. she was jus giving up like a weak person that she is now. I think i might be going to a psychologist now to talk with somone who can analyze my feelings and some things she did to me.

[thatboy_e]

custom x,

mine and your situation is identical . my ex broke up with me exactly two weeks and three days ago as well and i can't stop thinking about her. she too is talking to another guy and she never calls me either. it makes me go insane, but i am still alive, this hasn't killed me, although i feel like i am dead. i don't understand how you can be with someone for so long and they can just move on like that. i feel betrayed angry and upset at the same time. all i can say is, we are still alive. it hurts me to say this, but we both need to move on. why should we shed tears for someone when they aren't shedding tears for us? i cry every day and why? she doesn't mourn over me, if she did why is she having so much fun?. they don't deserve anymore of our tears.

[MrKawabata]

Yeah, what is it about women that they can think they can get into a relationship and then pull out of it when they feel like it? Note that a womens actions are not logical, but understandable. Her emotions and lack of logic is needed in a relationship. Opposites do attract. It sounds to me that your ex-girlfriend is extremely selfish though. Perhaps you need some good friends right now.

[Babygirlbrit]

Five years, yes, that is a long time. But i was told once, if you love something, let it go. Two weeks isn't enough to cure five years of this girl...You need to give yourself time to heal, and stop trying to force yourself to be all better. One day you will wake up, and it wont be so sad, and it wont hurt as much. But you can't force that day to come. Try a new activity, something that she has nothing to do with, maybe rock climbing, or something that can be yours alone...this way while you learn something new, she shouldn't be on your mind, and that should be an ok escape, so you get used to her not being there.

I hope you can get through this love.

[Disillusioned]

I wish I knew what to day to make you feel better but I can't. I'm going through a similar situation and I know what your going having to deal with. Even though my ex of 4 years is not seeing another guy (not that I know of anyway), it still hurts like crazy not having her around.

Your ex girlfriend has shown her true colours by jumping straight into another relationship with a new guy. I guess she never really cared that much about in the first place if she is so willing to start a new relationship so soon. Her behaviour is cruel and malicious. She knows that you still harbour feelings for her and yet she refuses to even call to see how you are. You just have to believe that she is the loser in all this. Giving away a 5-year partnership without so much of a flinch proves that she is cold hearted and possesses all the morals of an alley cat. Her ruthless attitude towards you will be her eventual downfall. Karma's a B I T C H and she knows where your g/f is. What goes around, comes around my good friend.

 

You are better off without her if that's the way she is going to behave. I know it's tough to even imagine life without her but you have to be strong and continue with your life the best you can. It's a funny thing don't you think, that most people think that us guys are the ones who are tough and able to deal with these situations better then women. The reality is that we somehow become so dependant on our partners over the years to the point that we feel absolutely lost without them. You don't even know it's happening but you fall into the situation where they become the centre of your universe and when they're gone.....life comes to a standstill.

 

I only broke up with my g/f about 4-5 weeks ago but the pain is still fresh. The one thing I refuse to do is let the grief of being apart from her tear me to pieces. Even though I feel as though I can't breathe at times, I have to continue with my life. You have to do the same. I know you can't even begin to imagine carrying on, you just have to look forward to a new tomorrow and a new beginning with someone new eventually. The pain will fade over time and the scars will heal and you will be a better man for it. It will toughen you and make you more aware the next time (and there will be a next time).

 

Just hang in there, things will get better over time. You just have to believe that you are better person than your ex g/f. Someone else will see this and you will be better off because of it. It's my guess that your ex will eventually see the errors of her ways and want to come running back, but by then you would have moved on to bigger and better things. Keep your chin up and don't shed any tears over someone who won't she any tears over you………….

 

Good luck and let me know how you go.

[samniles]

Dear friend,

Yes. People can be heartless. I was in a 4 year steady relationship with a woman, went away on business for two weeks, and she began an affair with a man on line while I was away. When I came home, we made love, were lying in bed afterwards, and the phone rang, and it was him. She whispered and giggled in conversation while lying next to me, as if I weren't even in the room. I was very hurt and angry, and told her so, and how could she show so little respect for me. She replied she'll show me respect when I show her respect. This is the woman whom I showered with love and attention for 4 years, loved her children, her pets, her home. That was in February. I left and never went back, and it still hurts sometimes to think she could have been so cold and heartless. She began a realtionship with the man she met. He told her he loved her, wanted to be the 'Dad' to her kids, take care of her for her life. He then went to Chicago, and never called her again.

My advice is for you to take some time for yourself. Excercise, eat right, and worry about yourself. The time will come when you can give love to someone else again, and you'll move on.

[vfunkera]

i was about to give a reply until i read Disillusioned and couldn't help but grin and smirk while reading through it. great stuff!

 

i hope you can see CustonX that you are definetly not alone, and i myself can talk for hours about my ex. 5 months ago. i thought she was the one. i dont anymore. i never thought she'd do me like that. "we can at least be friends". she hasnt even said happy birthday. my problem was not finding the advice that you have before your peril at this very moment. had i had it, i think i she would have come back by now.

 

 

The reality is that we somehow become so dependant on our partners over the years to the point that we feel absolutely lost without them. You don't even know it's happening but you fall into the situation where they become the centre of your universe and when they're gone.....life comes to a standstill.

i couldnt agree with you more. treated her like a princess and she became the center of my world. she then dumped me because of it. i think it was the nice guy thing and just coming accross too needy and dependant. i wont let it happen again until they feel that way first.

 

its funny how when you was with them you thought how happy both of you was. then when they split with some lame excuse, they seem to be having a ball of a time. i feel that iv been let off the hook because my ex hasnt and is struggiling to find a man to kiss at the moment (loooool shes stunning but too too shy and picky). but none of us guys are alone, and we all go through this.

 

still hurts like crazy not having her around.

hell yeah, 5 months and every now and then i miss what we used to have and could have had.

 

I guess she never really cared that much about in the first place if she is so willing to start a new relationship so soon.

this is called a rebound, and its a way of hiding her sadness by mentally using the guy shes with to fullfill her loss with you. i willl tell you one thing. its not based on love, and when those repressed feelings do come up, she will miss you, and that relationship wont last. chances are she will come running back to you.

What goes around, comes around my good friend.

 

It's my guess that your ex will eventually see the errors of her ways and want to come running back, but by then you would have moved on to bigger and better things.

i was going to say that until i realised it was mentioned. infact i will almost guarentee it that she will be back.

 

women get scared by what they are feeling and try desperatly to hide them. they are very emotional, as already mentioned.

Note that a womens actions are not logical, but understandable

we men face them head on so i guess thats macho in our case eh? and we will be better off with it.

 

so let me just reiterate to you and everyone else what needs to be done. if only i knew this when my ex dumped me. shes not contacting you. good. dont contact her. when you dont chase, stop it. the ex will begin to get curious and regret what she has done, and this will provoke them into contacting you.

 

after 2 months of chasing her, i decided to start avoiding her. i will tell you it was the best thing i ever did. i healed like there was no tomorrow. it also got her real curious. the moment you start showing to them you are moving, the moment they will start missing you the way you are missing them right now. but dont pin for them either. life is what you make it. you keep thinking about them and stay low, then your a negative and wont attract. feel those emotions now, get them out quick and move on. "no matter what you do, the microwaves wont move until you close the door". loool

 

just one more thing.

Cause I think we can make it, in fact, I'm sure

And if you fall, stand tall and they'll comeback for more

i take those lyrics with me everywhere i go. like Disillusioned said, keep your head up and go through it. its a struggle everyday you just go to roll on. they will come back. its all up to you. time will heal any wounds that are left.

 

good luck to you all

[djbillblob]

Seems like its always the women who jumps straight into a new relationship after a break up.

 

I think some failed relationships are like cancer. you have to cut it out otherwise it festers and grows. avoid all contact. If she wants you back she'll call (thats if you want her back).

 

learn to think and act like a women

 

joins some clubs and meet new women. it'll give you some confidence back.

[CustomX]

I really doubt that she will ask me back in her life...she told me she wouldnt ever come crawling back to me She has too much pride she says....but thats what i did i begged for her back because i loved her...shes just a heartless person and i see that now.

[Disillusioned]

I really doubt that she will ask me back in her life...she told me she wouldnt ever come crawling back to me She has too much pride she says....but thats what i did i begged for her back because i loved her...shes just a heartless person and i see that now.

 

You know that's exactly the attitude my ex took the first time we broke up. She hooked up with another guy but that didn't work out and guess who came running back???

 

I didn't contact her for about 4 months and then I get a call on my mobile (cell phone to you guys) at about 3 in the morning while I'm away for a conference. It was my ex. She's drunk and decides to call me. I ask her where her boyfriend is. I had the feeling he'd dumped her. Why else would she be calling me. She tells me they've broken up and now she wants to catch up for a coffee when I'm back. I tell her that's not going to be possible as I've just started seeing someone else.

 

She does not like it one bit! She's surprised I'm involved so soon (this coming from someone who dumped me for another guy) and she pulls out all stops to get me back. My biggest mistake was taking her back.

 

Don't ever believe that she will not come back to you, especially since you guys were together for so long. You have a history together and she'll always remember that. She knows how you feel and that you'll always be willing to take her back. The only question is the one you have to ask yourself - "Do I take her back after she ripped out my heart and used it as her own private doormat?"

 

Do you really want someone like her back in your life or do you think you deserve better? I think you need to take your own happiness into account before you make any decisions. You deserve someone who is going to give you back all the love and respect you give them. Don't ever settle for second best because that's how your ex saw you.

 

Be strong, resolute and true to yourself. You and only you can decide on what course your future takes. I don't know how old you are but I'm 36 (my ex is 26) and I made a conscious decision that I did not want to wake up one day at 40 and realise that I should have made some changes years ago. I made my choice before it got too late. You can read all about my saga on:

 

link removed

 

Don't waste your years and emotions on someone so undeserving. Don't even contemplate taking your ex back after she dumped you so easily for someone new.......................

 

I don't have Yahoo Messenger or AIM but you can e-mail direct on email removed

 

I look forward to keeping in touch with you. I see that the both of us need an outlet for our feelings and pain at the moment. I'm more than happy to listen to any of your problems and help you out the best I can.

 

Take Care....................

 

PS: My name's Oscar................

[CustomX]

Today is friday and i feel bad all i can think about is her and if she is thinking about me. everyday i wake up she comes to my mind. I bet she thinks of that other guy everything she wakes up and probley never thinks about how i am doing. After 5 long years she just dumps me and never calls to see how im doing!! and she says she cares for me alot and im her best friend!? then how come she doesnt call to see how her friend is doing? my guess is that she doesnt care! I feel so betrayed, Rejected and not welcomed. All because of this new stupid guy she is going out with. People talk about how karma is going to get her back but i really doubt that because seems to me that everything is fine with her and that $#*(& guy!

[thatboy_e]

whats up custom X

it get worse for me everyday too. i feel like karma will never catch up to my ex either. she never calls me, she acts like she doesn't care. what can we do? nothing! it's normal to feel rejected because i do. the question i ask myself everyday when i wake up is: When will my ex realize the huge mistake she made? What day will she call and ask me back? This is why I cannot heal properly. I still hold on to hope that she will call. Well, the truth is that she probably never will for a long time, even if she does. It seems like women can handle these things so much better than men and they can just turn off their feelings when they want.

best of luck

[CustomX]

Yeah thats true some women can just turn off the feelings and move on without feeling bad. im feeling a little better the distance helps alot and everything i just want to find somone else. i want to get on with my life and find somone else to share my life with. this christmas is going to suck so bad!!! makes me not want to live you know? I learened that if you overcome you fears it will help alot...think about all the fun things you guys did and think about all the little things it will hurt at first but after you think about them the hurting stops you have overcome you fear of memories and then you can heal up better.