Should I leave my partner of 10 years?

[UKGirl]

I've been with him since I was 17, and he's a great guy, my best friend, we get on great , he adores meand I do love him.The problem is I don't feel attracted to him anymore.He's like a brother.

I've only had three serious boyfriends and I feel a bit like I'm missing out. I've met someone else who I think is interested, though I don't know for sure, and whom I really, really want to get together with!

I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend, but the problem is compounded by him technically being my employer, so I would have to leave my job and my social life would suffer, as all our friends are mutual friends.My parents would also be devastated as they adore him.

I'm feeling so confused about it all, but i can't get this other guy out of my head! I don't want to miss out on any more fun, I feel very bored- But at the same time I would hate to lose my partner as a friend, we are very close and to never see him again would be horrible.

[avman]

Well you've been with him for a long time. Nearly all long term relationships have a period where the "passion is gone" so to speak. We are just so used to each other and think we know all about them that the thrill of discovery has worn off.

 

It sounds like you still love your boyfriend, but you are just stuck in a rut. This new guy is filling the need inside of you for a little adventure and the newness is exciting. Unfortunately if you left your boyfriend for this guy, eventually you would run into the same problem down the line. Once you knew the new guy, he wouldn't be as exciting anymore.

 

Shake up your routine with your boyfriend. Do something wild and exciting together that you've been dying to try. Or go to another country where you don't speak the language and explore together. Just do some things completely different so that you can learn some new things about each other. I'm willing to bet you two will be even closer after that.

[sisterlynch]

I agree with what Avman is saying and in addition, try not to spend anymore time with the alternative man. You can bring back the passion, as long as you feel something for your current love in your heart. When ever you think about BF#1 or know that he is coming home, just go over the great qualities in your mind that you and he have in common or that you really cherish in him and feel that feeling of abandonment that you would feel if he were gone from your life and you had disappointed all those people including him and yourself.

 

Once you lose your own self respect, it ain't coming back no way no how!!

[Ddog2296]

A month ago my ex-gf of 5yrs cheated on me with my "bestfriend" and left me the next day for him. The only reason she gave me for what she did was that her feelings for me had changed, that she still loved me and always wanted me to be a part of her life but she felt like she needed something new.

 

This kind of sounds like where you are coming from too. So needless to say the break up blindsided me and im still devastated by it everyday, because just like with you this girl was not only my gf but almost part of my family. She was my first love and first long term relationship. We were together since we were 12 and I shared everything with her. Now she won't even look at me or talk to me.

 

I still haven't really dated anyone yet and have spent a lot of time with my friends. I spent so much time with this girl and loved every minute of it even the times when we argued. Now i feel like half of myself has been ripped away all for her to experience something new.

 

I think you really have to ask yourself one question. Is ephemeral happiness or fun that you will experience with the new guy worth giving up all the good times and love you have shared with your boyfriend? I know with my ex-gf she probably doesn't realize what she has done yet because she told me she still has feelings for me and yet she says she is happy with the new guy.

 

I'm not sure how you feel exactly but it sounds like you have a great relationship with your current bf and i mean 10yrs is a long time. Of course by now you've experienced just about everything with him. But that doesn't mean you two still can't have the time of your lives. Talk with him about it go do new things together take a vacation and rediscover the person you feel in love with. I know I wish my ex would have talked to me about it before she went and did what she did because I still love her so much, and what do you do when the only person who can stop your crying made you cry?

 

Remember a loving relationship takes work and if you are both willing to put the effort in the benefits you will reap will be far greater than you ever imagined.

 

Just my 2 cents

[sisterlynch]

Like he said!! Good job Ddog!! Compare and contrast the two men: I am sure you'll realize that you are better off staying where you are! Talk to the partner about some of the qualities that the other guy has that you like about him, maybe the old dog can learn some new tricks!! He at least needs to realize that you are wanting more out of life, I feel that you owe him that much, before your emotions get the better of you.

[UKGirl]

Thanks for the replies to this , I know that you are right, It was interesting to hear your thoughts especially DDog , The situation sounds very similar...I would hate to hurt my man, I can't stand the thought! I just feel attracted to this other man like I've never been before with anyone, I'm not normally like this, I will have a good long think about things.