kind of upset and sick feeling and kind of hurt...

[crinklecat]

I had a meeting with my boss today. I have been working at my job for about 14 days.

 

He just wanted to touch base with me and how I am feeling about working at this job. we talked a little. I have basically been learning ojt training in an office that could use some improvement in organization It is stressful but I think that I am handling it well.

 

my boss kind of hinted that one fo the employees came to him about a situation in which they saw me talking with my "trainer" about something and they thought that that my attitude was negative or that I had a negative vibe. He brought this up to me because his office is a very close office of "girls" and he doesnt want them to feel like there is stress going on. he told me that the person was concerned that i wasnt smiling enough and wasnt happy.

 

I just got out of a really bad job environment. this new job at least I thought was a godsend to me. Granted that I am stressed because everything is foreign to me, I often admit that I am not aware of my facial expressions and they don't really reflect what I am feeling on the inside. I actually enjoy working there most of the time. I like the girls and even though I dont really know them I thought that my behavior was appropriate.

 

I was completely taken aback by the fact that someone went up to him and said it. I am consistently open to feedback. I dont like to step on anyones toes at all, and would like to fit in as well. I am somewhat intimidated by the fact that I am the " new girl" and being a reserved person I'm not one to fully open up for a bit. It's intimidating that I'm now working in an office where everyone is close except me.

 

I really dont know what to do. I am hurt to the point of wanting to cry. I am trying to do the best that I can, but am not too thrilled about people judging me when I have been at the job for about 2 weeks. My boss kind of hinted and I at least got the impression that he would like me to change. Reserved as I am I am also succint. I am honest with people and straightforward and wish that people would do the same.

 

In a way, I'm very confused now. I'm hurt because the person who had the issue didnt really tell me about it. I had to hear t from my boss. Also when I tell him about my quirks, he tells me that a trait of my personality wont work in the office. I'm very confused. Why did he hire me in the first place. Is he telling me that I have to change my personality what about the people who work there already? I understand that there are some adjustments that need to be made, and it's really too early to make assumptions about anyone and who they are. I dont do that but it seems like some in my office already have. Isint change a 2 way street compromise is about working in the middle? I definitely know who I am and dont really feel that this is all me. I dont know what to do. I want to tell my boss that I was hurt but I dont know what to do. This is eating me up inside. Please help.

[materia_goddess]

hey there crinklecat

 

sorry to hear about your work problems. it sounds pretty stress full, and i understand because my recent job is also very stressul, and everyday i just want to quit but its only casual and only temporary so i stick it out.

 

Thats pretty nasty how those people you work with went behind your back. I can understand how that would frustrate you. You've only been working there for 2 weeks right, which isnt much time at all. i know this is a rough patch, especially so early, so the way i see it you have 2 obvious choices..

 

you could stick it out, or simply change. my suggestion would be to stick with it for now. its only a recent job, so give yourself time to adapt. the people you work with will also adapt to you, as will your boss. If you feel like it is too much, then think about changing. About your attitude, i also know its hard to keep a smile on, when you really arnt happy, and to also be constantly aware of your facial expression. just try and be more aware of it. all it takes is a smile. and it doesnt have to be all the time, just every now and then. Just try and forget about this little miss-hap.

 

Dont be discouraged about working there, remember your just new, and mistakes are bound to happen, and issues are bound to be raised. just glide on past them, and pretty soon you'll be a natural! Its obvious the boss cares about you, he's just making suggestions for you, and making you aware of things. If people have been dobbing you in, then thats their problem, dont let it get to you. If your truly upset, i dont see anything wrong with telling your boss. there is probably not alot he can do for you if you do though, if i were you, id just move on past this bump.

 

goodluck and best wishes

 

*+*Materia_Goddess*+*

[crinklecat]

Well, today, I had another meeting with my boss. he told me that I still wasnt up to the happiness standard, (even though again no one came up to me in the office) He also brought up the fact that I couldnt talk about any health problem that I had even though one of the other girls asked me why I go to bed immediately after I come home. then on top of that like he requested everything that I told him that we had in the previous conversation he turned around and used against me. He has consistently since I started been trying to convince me that i couldnt cut it at this job. He then told me that I had "trust issues" and had another girl come in and say that he was a good person. He also told me that he essentially had to break me to be what he wants in his office (In not so many words) cause he is the owner. He thought that the conversation that he had the other day was good. Does it seem so from my previous story? You kind of wonder what trust issues that I have. Would you trust someone that just basically destroyed your self esteem, told you that you werent going to get any positive feedback because everything that you learned in the 14 days that you were at the job werent good enough? he flat out told me that I didnt deserve any positive feedback because the job that I was doing wasnt even good enough. I asked for specific feedback. Keep in mind that he also told me that one of the people who was supposed to be training me didnt think that I was learning anything fast enough. She brought up this example. One of the other girls in the office brought me some reference check papers for me to do. I have never done it so I asked how to do it. She didnt really know either, and then she told me that she would go and check with the other girl as to what needed to be done. She was gone for about 5 minutes then she said that she would go and ask the girl that gave it to me when the line was shorter in the front. So I went on working on something else. She then went out to check with the girl 20 min later and found out what It was that I was supposed to do. It took me all of 5 minuted to learn it and then I proceeded to do it. She came back to the boss and said that it took too long for me to complete the task when I should have learned to do it in 10 minutes. She says that I am taking too long to learn things and that since it is the holidays she doesnt have the time to take to teach me. He then told me that i couldnt multi task, which is often what I was doing all the time.

He did all of this to bash my self esteem. By that point I was crying so bad that I couldnt even stop hiccuping. I was in shock. No one has given me feedback on my performance but him and it has always been bad. I have gone up to everyone in the office and let them know that I am open to any feedback and I really would like to get to know them. I really tried to fit in. I felt numb when he was just saying everything. And he then continued to belittle me telling me that i am not listening to him and I am tuning him out which I at that point was. When he brought the other girl in she didnt even say that I was giving horrible performance, she just said that I am coming from a different environment and I was taking a little longer to adjust which is right.

 

So at this point, I am in the office just thinking of everything that he has said to me. And I ask myself this one question. Is this the kind of work environment that I want to work in?

 

I have gone through a lot of counselling and can see that this is already a bad situation. Telling me that I get no feedback because I am not doing a good enough job and cant really give me specific feedback? Telling me that I cant request feedback be given to me by the person who is training me it has to go through him? sounds like a micromanaging control freak if you ask me. I asked him if he would like to fire me. He said no he wouldnt fire me.

 

So as calmly as I could I told him that I dont think that I can live up to the standards that they expected of me (which they never told me what they were) and I resign.

 

He then had the nerve to tell me that I didnt have to quit that i could still work there. Or the girls could pull up antoher assignment for me to go to. I told him that I wasnt interested.

 

After that I got my box of stuff and left. I cried all the way home. I am stunned and I feel sick to my stomach. I dont know why I feel so horrible I just felt so futile in there. They never gave me clear standards of what to do, and kept raising the bar.

 

Before I left I told him how I felt. I said that I feel like a child who tries their best to please a parent who will never be happy. That is truly how I felt and still feel.

 

Other than that I feel completely wiped out and sick. I feel so low right now. Is this a toxic boss, or am I just a bad employee? I tried my best. and still am in shock and confused.

 

Please help!

[neva_black_n_white]

Hey crinklecat,

I would like to thank you for informing me of this post, i had not actually seen this one the board.

And for starters i would like to say i am sorry for the way you are feeling right now, and that personally i am proud of you as you say you stuck this job out for two weeks.

In my eyes did not become or ever is a bad employee.

 

1: you went into a new environment which you new obviously from a previous job would be hard to go into being the ‘new comer’ yet still went onto work with the correct manor and of high standard

 

2: from the application set each day you learnt new tasks, as you say you were to learn something in which a girl brought in

 

3: you process the information that your boss says in the first meeting enough to come on here to ask in a way that you should change, and I would say no you are not to change you personality that is something unique to you. I can’t see where you are going wrong.

I had a brother in law go into a new job after he came out of the marines and he had to be trained up, a job cant expect you to know all criteria’s, and certainly not to be smiley every hour of the day. Personal reasons that it could be or generally the way you feel sometimes come accross the wrong way. You say that you sometimes don’t realise the expressions you give off, I have the same problem in which I generate the wrong reaction from people around me, fortunately people who know you understand this, it could be that your boss has obviously not given you enough time to generate a good evaluation of you as a person. Two weeks is a short period of time for someone to say that you are not up to scratch, you should still be training up, doing the starting work.

4: for you to be affected in your self-esteem, show that you shouldn’t be in that job, or you should be within a different company. It seems to me that there is a direct link to what I have seen with one of my close relatives, she went to work within the council and was basically not given the training required for that job despite her saying and showing she was willing, instead she was given small jobs that were not even appropriate to the job, she was treated in the wrong manor and was not appreciated within the service. Unlike you she didn’t even take the time to say she’d ended the job but left within the end of the week, she went on to work in another department of council and is feeling much better.

 

You said that people judged you within two weeks, and you were honest, don’t change to be like that you seem to be fine in the way you treat others. Even though people treat you bad, it is through self-respect that you don’t stoop to their level. I am sorry of the way you were treated and it does come accross that it was your boss that had a problem for some reason and not so much the work girls, as you said when the ‘other girl’ was brought into the office she couldn’t even back up or stand to what had been told and quoted.

 

I would get yourself into a fresh job, as you said through counselling was it? That you could see it wasn’t right.

And personally I feel that when you said he was persistent to know of medical references this is optional to the person.

I hope I have helped in some sense, but if you would like anything answering please PM me.

I believe that you have done yourself a huge favour in the long run, good luck.

Kel

[Gilgamesh]

I had seen this post before, and its not really something that I have experience in. (corporate and office politics) but I'll do what i can upon your request to look at this.

 

I do believe your boss was trying to shape you and mold you into something he wanted, they hired you precisely because you didn't have experience in the tasks they expected you to work. It is easier to mold a person that has no "presets" then to deprogram habits from someone that does things his/her own way. You were a clean slate, understand?

 

But I don't think your bosses tactics were the best way of using "constructive" criticism.

 

Look, the reason you work is to make a living and get ahead in life, so that life is as pleasant as can be. If the job your doing makes you feel miserable, it doesn't matter what your making monetarily, the purpose is your happiness remember. You don't need to work in such a stressfully environment. and what you described sounds like a nightmare to me.

 

Last time I was taking orders was in 1984, after that I became my own boss and things are only "suggested" to me. they tell me what they would like, I tell them how its going to be done. Your boss would have a heart attach with me lol

 

So I know your feeling bad about all this, maybe even feel small or that you "couldn't cut it", thats not true. you were like a fish out of water there.

you need to get into something you like doing, with a less crazy environment.

 

I mean it sounds like something out of a science fiction, everyone goes around smiling you have to be friendly but not talk about personal matters, say what? lol, if I get a flat on the way to work, everyone knows he he, and when someone else has a problem they can tell me too, thats how trust and friendships is built, not snitching behind everyones backs. well to me its alien thats all. I know many companies work that way, but not all.

[crinklecat]

Well it's a new day and I still feel yucky.. I have no appetite, am worried and stressed out. Going into this situation has stretched me financially and I'm trying hard not to worry about the finances. I've even applied for a few jobs although I think that I am going to need to get the stress of this out of my system before I can do anything.

 

As of right now,I feel guilty and lousy in a way that it is my fault that I got myself into this situation, and now I cant relax. I kind of feel that I didnt try enough.

 

{groan}

 

It's been a long long time since I felt this way (possibly from my divorce) any cheap suggestions to help me relax?? I am thinking that this may have triggered my depression issues again Thats why I feel this way.. I think I'll be ok though...

 

thx

 

crinkle!