cheating

[buffalosoldier]

I dont think cheating in right in ANY way shape or form.To me,it is the result of somebody having no control over there you know what and being too cowardly to admit to their partner that something is up,or they want out. -You wana sleep with someone else? Then finish your relationship and then go do it.Dont break someone elses heart just so you can get your kicks.

 

I have never cheated and never intend to.I know exactly how it feels to be cheated on by someone and for a while it completely destroys any feelings of trust especially if you werent expecting it.

 

I would NEVER NEVER take someone back that cheated on me.Similar to Gilgamesh,i believe its NEVER a mistake.Its only a mistake when the partner finds out.I bet theres only a handful of people that wouldnt cheat if they knew their partner would never find out.Im one of those people,i just couldnt live with myself.

 

Great topic by the way,i was wondering when somone was going to bring this up!!!

[SadJJ]

Wow...

 

Cheating is cheating no matter what the circumstances. If it hurts the other person and is disloyal to them and the relationship it is cheating. I do think (depending on the person) that someone can change if they are truly sorry and they want a future for the relationship.

 

Of course cheating isn't right but it's a fact of life, and no matter how many of us agree that it is wrong, it will still happen. I believe that good people who love their partner can still cheat, and do. It's about what happens after the fact. My boyfriend made a HUGE mistake and he knows this and admitted to me. I know he is truly sorry, and while it will take me a long time to trust him again (and i'm cautious with any trust I do give) he is working hard to regain the trust I once had for him. IF I had found out from someone other that him, or if I felt he was 'testing' our relationship I would not have wanted things to works out. But in my heart I feel like he is a generally good person who made a life changing mistake.

 

Point being...I still think cheating is wrong, cheating can distroy lives, and good people cheat too...it all depends on the situation.

[enadevoli]

i totally agree with buffalosoldier with that last post she made! i consider cheating anything from holding hands with another person (well, maybe not, it depends because i do understand that friends sometimes will just hold hands) to kissing another person, to having sex. i guess any type of phsyical thing they do with another person. i hope you all understand what i mean by this, obviously not like bumping into someone else, or touching their arm.... ok, now im babbling.

 

i do agree with SadJJ, when she says that cheating is going to happen no matter what.

 

i don't believe that you need to cheat to test your relationship though. why not just tell your lover how you are feeling & say you need some time to think about what it is you really want??

 

i'm so impressed by how many replies i have gotten!!! just because i don't agree with all of them, i still like hearing all of your opinions!! so keep them coming!!

[tmills0011607306452]

I totally agree with Gilgamesh. Cheating is a choice. In the relationships I have been in that there was cheating involved, the people decided to hide it all together. Whether to save face from others, or to prevent me from getting hurt, I have been deceived another time. It really isn't that difficult to figure out if your prospective mate is cheating on you, but it is love that can overshadow the reasoning your brain has for these thought processes to deduce what is going on, and that also includes if/once you find out, would you take that person back.... So my answer is definatley no... Deception is not a quality I look for in a potential significant other.

 

-T

[jazmyne_jade]

I found out today through an anonymous letter that my long-distance b/f of 3 years cheated on me. Once I confronted him he started to tell me the story. Once when we had a temporary 2-week breakup, initiated by me; and once about 2 months ago when our relationship was back on track. He is a senior in college, a football player and during the off-season he works at a popular sports bar. It's almost needless to say but he and his buddies party way too much. I've been with him when he is so drunk he passed out in the bar. He's called me in the middle of the night unable to sleep because the room wouldn't stop spinning. Both times he cheated he said he was extermely intoxicated and I do believe that.

 

I think the smartest post I've read regarding cheating said that it's an underlying issue and something bigger is going on. The underlying issue for us is that he parties too much and might have a drinking problem. I say 'might' because my family is riddled with alcoholics and other addicts and I think his drinking problem is 'environment enduced' because when he is home for holidays or out of that element he is very different.

 

My morales always told me that a cheater didn't deserve another chance. Yet here I am faced with this situation and I'm leaning towards letting him build the trust again and seeing if I can let him back in.

 

There is no easy answer and no wrong answer. People should do what they feel is right, using their heart and gut instinct. I've decided I'm going to call my mom, I know she won't give me bad advice and she will listen. I am also going to go to a therapist and I'm going to suggest to my b/f that he do the same and that we should see a relationship therapist together. If he refuses to go or makes light of it then I know he isn't serious about facing his problems and he isn't serious about our relationship. In the end we will either live happily ever after and I'll be glad I fought for the relationship or it won't work out and I'll feel like I succeeded in trying but failed by picking the wrong person to try with.

[Osiris]

Greetings,

 

I agree with Jazmine

In the end we will either live happily ever after and I'll be glad I fought for the relationship or it won't work out and I'll feel like I succeeded in trying but failed by picking the wrong person to try with.

 

And here goes my question: suppose you met a person and fell in love. However you mate told you that this person has been cheating before.

 

Would you give your relationship a chance?

 

Osiris.

[jazmyne_jade]

A friend tells you the person your in love with has cheated in past relationships. Did I understand the question right?

 

I think just because someone cheated in the past doesn't mean they are necessarily going to cheat on you. Your friend might just be passing on a rumor? Or they might not know the whole situation. What if they really didn't cheat and your friend had the story wrong. Should you just drop them because of a rumor you heard?

 

I'd suggest getting more information from your friend if possible and then confronting the "cheater." You should be armed with some info before you confront them because if all you know is that someone said they cheated they could just deny it.

 

If it happens that they did cheat in the past I think it means alot if they will share with you what happened, when, who, where. I believe from there you will have a clean slate. You should emphasize that you care for them and that this cannot happen in your relationship. Hopefully, before problems get out of hand and cheating happens the two of you can talk through it to avoid the cheating or end the relationship first.

 

I spoke with my b/f at length regarding what happened, what to do now, and how he/we can change in the future. He said he was upset with himself because he'd allowed this to happen and almost lost me. He agreed that time, talking and positive action could heal the wounds. I told him he had to want to try to make it work, he said failure wasn't an option, it wouldn't happen again and he couldn't lose me. Well see what happens, I'm positive that we will both be giving it our best. Best to all of you too...jaz