jazmyne_jade

A friend tells you the person your in love with has cheated in past relationships. Did I understand the question right? I think just because someone cheated in the past doesn't mean they are necessarily going to cheat on you. Your friend might just be passing on a rumor? Or they might not know the whole situation. What if they really didn't cheat and your friend had the story wrong. Should you just drop them because of a rumor you heard? I'd suggest getting more information from your friend if possible and then confronting the "cheater." You should be armed with some info before you confront them because if all you know is that someone said they cheated they could just deny it. If it happens that they did cheat in the past I think it means alot if they will share with you what happened, when, who, where. I believe from there you will have a clean slate. You should emphasize that you care for them and that this cannot happen in your relationship. Hopefully, before problems get out of hand and cheating happens the two of you can talk through it to avoid the cheating or end the relationship first. I spoke with my b/f at length regarding what happened, what to do now, and how he/we can change in the future. He said he was upset with himself because he'd allowed this to happen and almost lost me. He agreed that time, talking and positive action could heal the wounds. I told him he had to want to try to make it work, he said failure wasn't an option, it wouldn't happen again and he couldn't lose me. Well see what happens, I'm positive that we will both be giving it our best. Best to all of you too...jaz

I found out today through an anonymous letter that my long-distance b/f of 3 years cheated on me. Once I confronted him he started to tell me the story. Once when we had a temporary 2-week breakup, initiated by me; and once about 2 months ago when our relationship was back on track. He is a senior in college, a football player and during the off-season he works at a popular sports bar. It's almost needless to say but he and his buddies party way too much. I've been with him when he is so drunk he passed out in the bar. He's called me in the middle of the night unable to sleep because the room wouldn't stop spinning. Both times he cheated he said he was extermely intoxicated and I do believe that. I think the smartest post I've read regarding cheating said that it's an underlying issue and something bigger is going on. The underlying issue for us is that he parties too much and might have a drinking problem. I say 'might' because my family is riddled with alcoholics and other addicts and I think his drinking problem is 'environment enduced' because when he is home for holidays or out of that element he is very different. My morales always told me that a cheater didn't deserve another chance. Yet here I am faced with this situation and I'm leaning towards letting him build the trust again and seeing if I can let him back in. There is no easy answer and no wrong answer. People should do what they feel is right, using their heart and gut instinct. I've decided I'm going to call my mom, I know she won't give me bad advice and she will listen. I am also going to go to a therapist and I'm going to suggest to my b/f that he do the same and that we should see a relationship therapist together. If he refuses to go or makes light of it then I know he isn't serious about facing his problems and he isn't serious about our relationship. In the end we will either live happily ever after and I'll be glad I fought for the relationship or it won't work out and I'll feel like I succeeded in trying but failed by picking the wrong person to try with.