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Can you care too much? is that a bad thing?


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well i have a really good friend of mine, shes the best. anyways there might be something going on between her and this other guy who im totally fine with. i dont know but i guess im kinda scared of change. i dont want her to forget about me if anything happens with this other guy. anyways i really care for her and i know that if soemthing does happen between the two of them that shes gonna get hurt. i dont wanna be pesimistic but i know that their relationship wont work out. I can just see that. so if they get together they are going to break up but whne they do its prolly going to hurt her and i dont want to see her get hurt. i dont want her to get hurt but i know that she will if something happens between the two of them. I dont care if something happens but i know what the ending will be and i dotn want that for her. sometimes i try to tell her maybe to think about it more or whatever but now she thinks that i dotn want anythign between them to happen. i dont know what to do. i guess i care too much because i dont want her to get hurt in that relationship but i cant prevent her from making her choices, they are her choices, not mine but im just looking out for her. does it seem like i care too much, does it seem like im jealous? i dont feel jealous but she make think so. i dont know how to tell her that shes gonna get hurt because thats kinda mean, im not gonna say 'hey if u go out with him yer gonna break up eventually", im not gonna do that, so if u know a way for me to tell her that shes gonna get hurt and i dont want her to be hurt without it looking like im trying to make her decisions for her. thanks

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Have you tried sitting down with her and talking. Telling her the reason why you think she will get hurt. I have been in the same situation. I sat down and talked with her, and told her how I really felt about this ideal. My exact words were "I know he's going to hurt you, and I cannot bear to see you hurt" "Its your decision" "Just know Im here for you and you make your own decisions...whether its good or not." Talking seemed to help a lot b/c it worked. from that day forward she never talked to him. There is one catch. She has to be able to trust you. She has to be able to know you are speaking the truth. Good Luck

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  • 7 years later...

That is really a tough decision to make. If you have said that to her before about other guys and she thought you were jealous, I think if you keep pursuing the fact that any guy she is going to be with will hurt her could do one of two things. She will either listen to you, and become afraid of guys, or kick someone to the curb, and it's not likely to be the guy she is dating if you know what I mean.

 

It sounds like she already knows how you feel, but you don't want to press the issue. The best thing you can do is to be there for her if/when she does get dumped. The other thing, you may end up surprised, where it seems like to people that appear to be completely incompatible, end up being the happiest couples.

 

Or there is the number 3 reason (actually the number one, but no one LIKES to look at it that way, as they say the friendship come first). You desire your female friend. You want to be the one in her life to help her out, to make her happy and keep her from getting upset. Sometimes that's the absolute worse thing you can do, because if she denies you, there is now this irreparable bridge between the two of you because you confessed your feelings. So that is the biggest paradox of all with a friendship, you want to protect your friends feelings, but you want to be the person in your friends life, but if you aren't that person your friend sees as a romantic interest, then wham, you just did what you never wanted to do, hurt your friend.

 

So, again, if you are just a friend, you will learn that she needs to learn from her mistakes, not you telling her she's making a mistake. That's what PARENTS are supposed to, not friends. Friends are there to pick up the pieces after their friends fall apart.

 

Think about that.

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