She opened up her heart, then closed it again.. confused

[Archivist]

Hi everyone,

 

I would firstly like to say that, everyone here has given be some great advice and its paid off pretty well, which is why I am back here again today.

 

After 2 months of no contact, my ex contacted me again recently, the first time was 2 days ago, we spoke for a long time and thought it ma be a good time to meet up and catch up again. Since we are both over each other, and we wanted to remian friends after she broke up with me. I agreed to meet her up this weekend.

 

She contacted me again today through sms and we were texting for a long time. The converstaion developed into something quite strange. She suddenly asked me, if I was having fun now? And I replied yeh, its great I've been catching up with my friends.

 

Then she asked if being with my friends was 'replacing her' filling up the hole she had left me with. I said well it doesn't replace her, but its been great to take my mind off of things and the pain she had once made me feel. She replied again saying can she ask one more question. She asked, If I prefer my new life, I said yes and no, its great to catch up with all these people I had neglected before, but its not the same as the feeling of love I once had. After that she asked If I had the choice between the two which life would I chose.

 

This was when I started to feel uneasy, I asked her where this was going, and she replied, nowhere she just wants to know, and sent another sms straight after saying, actually dont answer that question. I asked her whats going on and she said She was sorry she shouldn't have asked that question and said forget it and quickly changed the subject. Thats when I said I should go to bed as it is getting quite late, and said if u need anything i'm right here.

 

I am really confused, and I want to know what is going on. Shall I bring it up when we meet up this weekend, or shall I just contact her again tomorrow and let her know how I feel and see how she feels? I want to get back with her, but I dont know what she wants. If she does I guess we'll have to slowly work it out, if not then I guess I should tell her to not contact me, and give ourselves more time to move on until we are ready to talk to each other again?

 

If anyone has any idea to what might be happening I'd like to hear yoru oinons. Also if anyone has any suggestions on how I should handle this, fire away.

 

Thanks

[justagirl]

Ok, I'm going to just throw this out there

Well, I am thinking that she asked you which of the two you would choose because she possibly wants to be a part of your life again. (Even though I personaly think you shouldn't have to choose between the two I think you should have both, but hey thats just me)

I think she backed off from that question because she was afraid of showing her feelings without knowing how you feel. She could be afraid of the rejection or of hurting what you two have going right now. She might not want to push you away in fear that you don't feel the same.

I would see how the conversation goes when you talk to her tomorrow. But if you feel that she would talk about it and you are comfortable hearing what she has to say than I say go for it. But if you want to wait until you two are face to face and see what happens than do that.

Whatever will make you feel better and puts your mind at ease, while at the same time making sure shes comfortable in giving out the information she was trying to get out the other night, than I would say go for it. Whatever your heart is telling you...

Wish you the best!

~*Justagirl*~

[JSHRN]

Hi. Sounds similar to my situation. Although the two of you really hit it off in the beginning, is it possible things went too far too fast and she was scared off? It has nothing to do with what you did. Some people, men and women, get into a relationship where fireworks go off, the sun is brighter and everything is just "too good to be true". I believe that you're feelings for each other are/were genuine, but, for the time being it sounds like she needs/wants her space. She asks if you're happier with "your life now" as opposed to your life with her. Obviously, you want her in your life now to make things better but she seems unsure.

 

I know you want to get back with her but there's really not much you can do. Keep in contact with her but if she doesn't return your calls then you have to decide is she worth waiting for?

 

How long had you been together before you broke up?

 

I have been seeing someone for 4 months now and lately school has been so busy that she doesn't have time for us. She didn't return any of my calls yesterday and I wonder what she's thinking or doing.

 

Like your situation, I'm trying to rationalize this but can't help thinking about her and what went wrong. She tells me I'm not complicating things, she's not stringing me along -- she just needs her space. Sounds like that's what your ex still needs.

 

Good luck.

 

J

[Archivist]

Thanks for the replies you two, I think your both right, I'll stay in contact, until I know whats going on and then work from that. Only if shes ready to tell me. I'll be perfectly honest with her and tell her, that I'd still want to try again, but it wouldn't be a choice between the two lives, but a mix of both. That was the problem really before, we couldn't balance our social lives and time together. We were too attached to each other. That way she'll know how I feel right, and then maybe be able to open up to me easyier?

 

JSHRN I was with my ex for a year and a half before, she decided that she wanted to find herself, and be single again. She wanted us to be friends after the break up, but we didn't really contact each other for 2months afterwards. I wanted time apart so I could sort my feeling out first before we could become friends with her again.