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Can't Ever Fit In


Caldus
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No matter how hard I try, I always say something stupid or wrong when relating to anyone. I'm always so tense and nervous and then become depressed after I talk to people sometimes because I know they are thinking I'm an idiot. I know that I shouldn't care, but I can't help but think about how other people think of me, etc. I constantly get teased by my friends because of how lousy I am sometimes when socializing. I just never know what to say without making someone laugh or think of me as someone that I'm not. I try to join in conversations, but always end up never saying much. I just feel so bad because I feel like I'm an idiot when it comes to socializing with people. I try to be myself, but my friends will think that I'm some kind of freak or something. I know that I shouldn't hang out with them in this case, but I'm stuck with being with one of them all of the time as my roommate. I used to be able to relate to people so easily when I was younger. But now I feel like I'm always fighting a fierce war inside my head whenever trying to make friends with someone. I'm thankful for doing well in school. I'm certaintly not an idiot when it comes to computers or studying for school. I'm also thankful for being able to go to college and that there is an opportunity for much happiness in my life. I'm certaintly not suicidal, just trying to break out of this nervousness, anxiety that I seem to have all the time whenever I relate to people. I take an anti-depressant medicine, but doesn't really work. I feel like I never learned much about socializing when I was younger, and I feel like everyone else has and that I will forever be trapped like this. Guess I should stop ranting.

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Well, what I'd suggest is to take that thing that scares you the most, having people laugh at what you say, and use it TO YOUR ADVANTAGE! Be the clown! You don't have to say a lot in social situations, a lot of people have the same difficulty. But if you can figure out what makes people laugh, then just wait for that opportune time to slip in a one-liner that is guaranteed to get a chuckle, and it'll turn the whole outlook around, from "idiot" to "man, he's funny!" Easier said than done, I realize, but I'm going on what I have to work with, here.....lol

 

Relax-there's no great pressure on you to always say something witty, or intelligent or thought-provoking. If someone discusses something you have a grasp of, throw in your two cents' and keep it short. If the topic is computers, that's something you're comfortable with-maybe ask questions instead of discussing, such as "what kind of computer do you have?" If someone's discussing a problem they're having with their computer (I live w/a computer geek, I know ALL about the myriad problems people run into with 'em daily) offer a short solution, if one comes to you.

 

But do NOT stress about conversational tactics and try to force the conversation out of yourself. If you don't have anything to say, then just look interested and nod and smile once in awhile. Works way better, and no one will think you're odd, just that you're the "silent type", which I've never seen to be a problem for anyone. And think before you speak-before a sentence leaves your mouth, think about how it'll sound, and whether it'll sound less than you want it to. If it will, then let it go and wait for another opportunity. If you're BURSTING to say something that you know is intelligent and makes sense, then by all means, spill it!

 

It's VERY rare you find someone who is SO socially inept that they can't hold up a conversation, even a short one. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, just keep your mouth closed if you're afraid that what you'll say won't come out the way you want it to! But DO speak when you know that what you're saying is good input and can benefit others!

 

Mar

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Mar gives some awfully good advice, listen to her

 

My advice, however inexperienced, is a couple things. one, There isn't anything wrong with staying in the background of a conversation, none whatsoever. (gosh knows i've done it too many times to count) Just follow the conversation and put your two bits in AUDIBLY.

 

(This is from personal experience, i was in the background of a 3 person conversation and i was giving little comments on each of the things they said, when i at the end one of the guys goes "MAN you don't ever say anything, do you?" but i was talking the whole time! i was just talking so quietly no one heard)

 

I can also identify with your feeling that you didn't get the same social foundation as "everyone" else, but even if thats true, you can't harp on it. you've got to change what is going on NOW, not what happened 10 years ago.

 

i really hope you find some social skills buried deep within you, because i promise, they ARE there!

 

and laughing. if you can laugh at the right times, you've got it all.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Other people aren't important( in that matter) You don't need to look good in front of them or anything ll you need to do is be yourself try to relax and think about what your saying before you say it and try doing what mar said also never feel like an idiot i' sure that your a very intelligent person and you should be able to fit in as long as you don't worry about it just speak whay you feel and if they don't respect you don't worry about it others will and you will learn that what i said is true. please be yourself and try to calm down.

if you ever wanna talk just send me a P.M

godd luck and I wish you the best.

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