Too Far

[SilenThunder]

Uhg...

 

Tonight was not a good night... Me and my girl were makin out, usual touchy feely and I took an extra step and started fingering here...

 

Too far... I went too far... I looked up at her and saw a look on her face I won't forget... I stopped immediately and asked her what was wrong and she kinda shruged... I asked her if it's "too far" she nodded.

 

I feel like such an incredible asshole... I didn't ask her if she wanted it, I just did it and now I totally regret it. She says it's not my fault, that it takes 2 people... and she is right but I should have had the damn brains to ask her what she wanted...

 

Now i'm sitting here feeling all this hurt, shame and guilt... We didn't talk about it really, just said goodnight and I left... She said we'll talk abotu it tomorrow, which is reasonable... But I know right now she's sitting in her bed crying... The last thing I've ever wanted her to do was Cry... I'm such a horribly boyfriend to do soemthing like this... ARG....

 

I just needed to vent that... I'm such an ass... If you have questions/comments please PLEASE share them... Otherwise this was jsut me venting frustration... Shit like this happens when your'e thinkin with the wrong head...

 

Thanks...

 

- SilenThunder

[Gilgamesh]

This is a difficult situation, Its very hard for us guys now days, so many woman want us to be spontaneous and take initiative, on the other hand some women have bounderies.

 

I havent had any problem with this in the past, I seem to sense how much my partners have wanted to go, for example, that expression you saw on her face, would probably be there before the fingering while you were petting heavy, etc.

 

When you have this talk with her, tell her you werent trying to be dissrespectful, but wanted to be spontaneous and take the initiative. tell her youll take it as slow as she is comfortable with, but she needs to be open with you, so that you will know whats ok.

 

I am a little old fashioned maybe, I dont force anything on any woman, but I do make the first moves, but usually when im pretty certain she all for it.

 

In the late 70s early 80s many women complained that men were insensitive, and too macho, so in the 80s the new "sensitive guy" emerged and at first gals thought this was great, but they soon got dumped for "real men" that know how treat a woman.

 

Your mistake was not in that you did these things to her, it was your timing thats all, you werent able to sense that she wasnt ready, its all in the body language. but if all fails, just ask, or tell her you want to touch her there.

[mexmickey]

from the stand point of a girl, i think that the reason she would "cry" about this situation is that she is now not sure about what you want from this relationship. Take into consideration the lenght of you relationship. If its any shorter than lets say 6 moths, then it may be way too soon for her to be touched in that way. Plus with that big of a step, she may think that you WANT SEX out of the relationship. which is scary, especially among the many (if you can believe it) modest girls that really just want a boyfriend to spend time with and tell her he loves her... not really just too fool around with. Girls are not driven by their compulsions as much as guys are. So just think about this. Make sure to apologize, but also make it clear that you love her for who she is and not for being a sex object. you seem to be sincere in your regret, just make it clear to her.

 

 

Best of luck

[SilenThunder]

Thank you very much... All of your advice has been so helpful to me. Helping me to understand women better, as well as understand myself better. I appreciate this very much!

 

I've apologised to her numerous times. I'm going to be talking to her later on so we'll discuss what happened and what we'll be doing about it. Most likely we'll discuss our relationship as well, I don't want sex from her. I just want her to love me, and I just want to love her...

 

To me touching and contact is just a little extra thing we can do for fun.

I don't want sex our of our relationship, it would be nice someday but right now thats not what I'm aiming for... So i guess i'll make sure she knows that, thats not what I wants and I hope thats not what it seems I want.

 

I love her very much, I'm so very in love with her... I guess I'm still learning more about how she feels... what she wants... needs...

 

I just need her to tell me more often what it is exactly she wants and aneeds...

 

thats all

 

thanks again... You've helped so much