It's not fair..I want redemption! Need advice.

[tutu79]

I have to say, I am happy that I found this website. It made me realize that I am not the only one going through the long, hard process of getting over a heartbreak. It's been almost four months and it's still a day to day process. We were together for a year and a half. The first year was perfect. No fighting, spent all free time together, etc. When we first met, he came on to me like a thousand bricks and wanted to get serious right away. Constantly talking about getting engaged and stuff like that. He is a few years older than me so I figured he was ready and I thought I was to. However, the last few months, the tables slowly turned. He wanted to go out with his friends more and basically just took me for granted. It was like he wanted a girlfriend when he was in the mood for one. After months of tears and fighting, it came down to either having the relationship the way he wanted it or me leaving. I left with the false hope that he would realize that he wasn't treating me good, so when he didn't it was a slap in the face. After we first broke up, he would call and say that he loved me and that I'm his heart and he wants to work things out, then I wouldn't hear from him for a week and when I would call he wouldn't return my phone calls for days. We finally had no contact for over a month. (He knew how hurt I was so I guess it was a good thing) Then the day before his birthday, I wake up to have three missed calls and a message from him reminding me that it was his b-day the next day and maybe he could get a b-day phone call from me. Like an idiot, I called and he told me he missed me, that I was a class act, he never had a girl care about him like I did, etc. and that sometimes its better to get these things out of the way in the beginning of relationships. We left off as "keep in touch with me." This was two months ago and I have ran into him several times out at crowded places. We either say a quick hi and keep on moving or pretend we don't see each other. I've dated other people since but realized I really wasn't ready to until I finally get over my old relationship. The thing that still (i don't know why) makes me upset is how heartbroken I was and how he just didn't care. I'm still looking for some kind of redemption like knowing that he regrets it or he gave up a good thing. However, I am (finally) coming to the realization that it will never happen. Why do guys give up good girls that care about them to be with random one night stands (which I'm sure he is doing now)? Do you think he will ever regret it? Sorry this is so long.

[lokagirla]

hey tutu79!

 

first of all i want to welcome you to enotalone in behalf of everyone!

look, your situation kinda reminds me of something that happened to me once.

 

when i was 14 yrs old i went with my brother to his girlfriend's house for a get together. many of my brother's best friends were going and there was going to be pool and all the crap.

 

when we got there i saw one of his friends, he was 17 yrs old. we all went to play basketball for a while. i began to flirt with the stupid "i want to bug you" thing. i know it sounds childish, but i just want to show you it's always the same concept no matter what.

 

when night fell and we had all gotten into the pool, my bro's friend went to get something in his car and i like a little idiot followed him. yeah, i knew him from yrs before, but not as if to be in love with him. i guess my hormones were jumping and he got into my game... only i ended up losing. we drove around the neighborhood and i ended up being fingered and a little more to the end of that base. i was shocked at myself afterwards... i felt as if i had been drunk or something... sometimes things happen so fast.

 

the thing is, that in my little immature childish naive mind i held the hope of him wanting something serious with me later on. we dated once and kissed and bye... he was gone. we spoke over the phone and he told me my brother was teasing him a lot *they attended the same school* preassuring him to stop dating me, telling him i was too immature for him. i got mad cause i then shoved it in his face that he didnt have a mind of his own. we went out one more time, we kissed, and then out of nowhere in a matter of days he said that he found a girl he really wants to have something serious with. i was devastated... and for being such a proud girl all throughout my life, it was impressing how much i cried for such a worthless boy. i had been tricked by false illusions. it was a simple crush. i knew that even if i went back with him as i dearly wished... nothing would have worked between us... cause there was never anything there... just dream material.

 

so there it was, the first great disappointment with myself. i know this may seem as if i was drifting away from the idea, but i think it doesnt. the level of maturity of your relationship was obviously more mature. you moved with him and all. but what if all the expectatives you had were not even half of his? maybe he would have crawled back to you and nothing could have been worked out anyways... maybe there was nothing after there was something.

 

sometimes, when we see we cant get someone, it is more difficult to get them of our minds... as if it was just a crush. love is not present anymore... im sorry to say you can do nothing cause revenge would just be pointless.

 

sometimes... after a year filled of many growing experiences... i think of what a ba$t@rd he was... cause the worst part is that after he told me about this "i want something serious with her" girl he told me i was a $lut. i has asked him to be just friends... he told me he didnt and would never trust me! he now seemed like a child.. i had taken him out of my heart already and he didnt realize it. he told me he respected that girl... that she would never let any guy do what i let him do after he told me he would never do anything to ruin my reputation. reputation is bs most of the time, but in this case it held part truth i guess. he spread it practically all over the grade... no... even worse... it was my bro who helped stain my image even more. i thought all was ruined. and then i began to build up anger against him. i wanted to beat his a$$!!! but i knew i had to swallow my pride unless i wanted to make a fool out of myself.

 

after this, i had a serious boyfriend... but i took it all too quick and killed the relationship as soon as i realized we didnt really click. after that i dated a very close friend... but it all failed.. although we're still friends.

now i have a new "soon to be serious" boyfriend. we've been dating for a month or so and we really like each other.

 

but even today i sit and daydream about me beating that boy's a$$. making him kneel in the ground and admit he treated my like i didnt deserve... that he actually took advantage of me. the thing is, i know that boy cant cope without having sex in a relationship *thank god i never fell in that trap of his* so i know the girl he has still ,,, that same girl... oh my god... how many times must he have eaten her up... even my brother's girlfriend tells me about it. that night at her house... when i was in the car... they took pictures... my brother's friends... i was fully clothed, but they took them. it was horrible. and i daydream and imagine myself following them on a car one night and taking them by surprise and flashing cameras out of nowhere... caught... prey... dead...

 

but see? that revenge thing is just dream material... it's childish... maybe one day... but who cares? you keep on living your life... it's there loss anyways. i am very happy right now in the my current relationship. see? there are many fish in the sea... always!

 

hope ya got the picture of my reply! lol... i know ya did.

 

lokagirla.