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About eight months ago I broke up with my ex girlfriend. For three months I was very happy and had very little contact with her. Then after three months we started talking again an having intercourse. I felt that by having intercourse with her without any kind of commitment to each other was wrong. Then one day my emotions just got out of control and I said some mean things because I was hurt and I wanted things to go back to her being my girlfriend. We stopped talking to each other for about three weeks after I had lost it. A few days ago she contacted me to ask me about business mostly. Then business turned into meeting for coffee. Today she asked me to go for coffee with her I was at school and I just couldn't. Believe it or not I still care about her so much. I don't mind going for coffee with her but I can't do it that often because I still have feelings for her. I was wondering on how I can get her to back off a little bit without offending her. I really am tired of telling her about how I feel. Telling her how I feel only complicates things and causes her and I more pain. Another thing is that I am still very attracted to her. Correct me if I am wrong but isn't it very hard to be friends with someone you care about and are very attracted to.

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Yes, it's hard to be friends with an ex when you know the past history you had, and are still attracted to and missing that person.


But in answer to your question, the only way you're going to get her to back off is by telling her you're not comfortable with spending time with her. You don't necessarily have to lay your heart on the line and tell her that it hurts and how much you miss her, just keep your tone brisk and let her know that you're uncomfortable seeing her in a social situation. If she asks why, just explain that it causes problems for you, that you'd appreciate it if she could respect your wishes, and that you don't mean any harm to her by asking her to do that for you. She may get angry or hurt, but unfortunately that's too bad. If she cares for you, she'll respect your wishes and should be able to figure out for herself why you don't necessarily want to see her!



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