Ex who dumped me called-- what should I do?

[tonyatl]

My girlfriend of 6months broke up with me a month ago. She said that something was "amiss" from the beginning. We were both going thru bad financial problems. I was in much worse financially then her. It was very hard, but we made it through (of so I thought). I couldn't believe that she was leaving when things were turning around.

 

I am fighting to keep my focus and concentration. I can't stop thinking of her. We spent all of our time together. Good friends and lovers. She called me two days ago. I told her that I missed her, and she said that she thinks of me all of the time and misses me. She also said that it was natural since we spent so much time together. I think I misinterpreted her call and asked her out. She said it was too soon. I think she was being nice and called to be friends. Which I have no interest in. I have too much on the line (business ) to be distracted with false hopes.

 

Should I talk to her one last time, forget it, email her or what?

 

Please help

[Mango88]

Hey Tony,

 

I can definitely relate to your situation. I was with a girl that I really did love and could not stop thinking about if my life depended on it. Things ended, though, and although she's been trying to keep in touch to either get back into dating or to sustain some sort of friendship, I've backed out and have remained completely out of contact.

 

While many people have different feelings on post-relationship friendships (and even relationships -- i.e. getting back together), I think it's best to completely remove yourself from the situation, regroup, and then decide what you plan on doing. The emotion needs to be taken out first before any friendship can start and, after only a month, I don't think that emotion is gone yet in your case. Otherwise, as you have already stated, you will be losing ground with respect to your other commitments and responsibilities while being distracted with these thoughts and emotions that currently reside within you.

 

Since, at this point, you have "too much on the line," don't get back into anything yet. Breaking up is a gradual process; it isn't just a one-shot deal, and the residual feelings can stick around for months and even years. Only through time, however, will you know if these feelings are sincere and whether or not you truly could handle a friendship with her if you two decide not to get back together.

 

It's very difficult to be friends with ex-lovers, though, especially in cases where one still has feelings for the other. That can be disastrous.

 

Hope this helps,

 

Mango

[tonyatl]

Thanks for the information and empathy. Part of me has to know that it can never work. So should I not contact her or email / call her???

ant

[Mango88]

Hey again, Tony!

 

I'd recommend not calling her or emailing her. At this point in time, this is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. I had to come to terms with the side of me that knew my past relationship could never work. I was completely oblivious to that side for the longest time, but, as time goes by and the rose-colored glasses slowly fall to the ground, it becomes easier to see that which can never be in a different light.

 

There will still be a part of you that wants to work things out and that wants to at least keep her as a friend, but it's far too complicated to work with that part of you so soon. Perhaps in the future, but right now it's time to look out for Number One (you!). Being in a vulnerable stage right now, it is not wise to risk any chance of setting yourself up to get hurt.

 

When my relationship ended, I had all the same feelings inside me for months. Time is your best friend, though! It's awesome to wake up every day and know that each day brings you closer and closer to something else -- to something better! And these frustrations and emotions circling through you gradually subside. I didn't ever think it would happen, and perhaps you don't either. But, believe me, it does!!!

 

Hang in there, bro!

 

Mango

[DealingWithIt]

Hi!

 

From my experience, it's hard to be friends with an ex that you still have feelings for because a part of you still hopes that things will be back to normal and be back together again.

 

Your ex clearly wants just friendship from you. Who knows why she suddenly called you? Maybe she felt guilty for hurting you and wants to make sure you are OK after dumping you...maybe that's why she still thought of you.

 

Staying away from her will do you good though you may not believe me. You need to get over your feelings and move on with your life. I know its so hard to do but it will get better. Do you want to risk getting hurt again?

 

I've been in your shoes a few months ago...became friends with my ex but I realized that I'm only hurting myself. So, I decided to cut all contact with my ex. It's been three weeks since I've talked to him...and you know what? I'm feeling much better!

[tonyatl]

Thanks for the input from your self (and everyone else!). I realize that we can't go back. I mean what would be like if we did? Not trus, back to the same emotional and personality and financial issues would not work anyway...