increasing your libido

[seashoremaine]

Anyone have any success stories trying to raise their libido? I have heard that there are 2 therapies you can do to try and do this. One is to "think" more sexually. This means take some quite time and relax and think romantic and sexual thoughts. The other is masturbation. The idea being that masturbating will put you more in touch with your sexuality as well as stimulate you thus causing you to want to be stimulated more.

 

I'm sure everyone with a healthy libido will say yes, that would work for me, but has anyone with a low libido tried this (or something else) and actually raised their libido over time?

[fmjosie]

*waves*

I'm like, the poster child for low libido. I've tried everything (I mean it). Think of something, I've tried it

 

okay, so they are both methods of increasing sex drive. for me, they worked marginally well.

 

the best example was in the last few weeks, my bf and I have been discussing sex, but not in a bad way (arguing about why we don't have sex is a bad way to talk about sex). So recently it's got me thinking about it, which is more than I've done in a long while.

 

as for masturbating.... I guess that goes along with 'sex begets sex'. For me, whenever I had the urge to masterbate, I'd get my bf to do it, since he was more than willing!

 

Want to know my other tips? he he

[seashoremaine]

fmjosie: I'm sorry you have a low libido but I'm glad you posted so maybe I can learn something from you. How low is you libido (how often do you initiate sex with your bf)?

 

How did you do the "think more sexually" part? Did you have a specific time planned out where you would do this, or did you just try and do it throughout your normal day?

 

I do want to know you other tips! I do!

 

-J

[fmjosie]

Hi again, so sorry about the delay!

 

Okay, up until maybe 6 months ago (or less) my libido was basically non exsistant. Scale of 0 to horny, I was maybe a 1. lol....

I NEVER thought about sex, except on how to avoid it when I was at home. It just never crossed my mind!

I initiated sex maybe once every few months, and usually ended up having sex about once a month or so, and that was at most!

 

As for thinking more sexually, I found that 'erotic literature' helpful. link removed was a good one that didn't have a lot of nasty writing. Porn isn't my thing but I tried a few things just in case I found something I liked, but porn really isn't directed at women, it's for men & how they are stimulated by it, not us.

 

The only way I was really able to start thinking sexually was when I started talking about it but not about me having it. When I talked with my boyfriend about sex but not as an issue, that helped a lot too. Bascially I just never made myself or pressured myself to think about it, so just whenever.

 

I'd say my libido has went up a LOT, I'm probably at a 4 or 5 now, which is great for me! I am able to be happy with once a week, although he wants 7 times a week so I still have some work to do!

 

At the moment...... my boyfriend has a sex buddy that I arranged for him & taking the pressure off completely has made my drive get to what it has, but I know that wouldn't work for 99.99% of couples out there.

 

I also think I might have a wee bit of asexuality in me, and had this not resolved itself at all..... I might have stayed the way I was.

[seashoremaine]

Thanks for the reply. I just ordered a well reviewed erotica book for woman from Amazon so I hope that helps a little.

 

When you were talking about sex, was that mostly with your girlfriends or with your BF? I think my wife needs to get out a little more and be "girlie" more often?

 

Sex buddy huh? That ain't gonna fly (though I have though about that solution).

 

I think my wife just has a hard time thinking think about sex in her busy life. I'm trying to take more and more of the responsibility off her and I think that will help.

 

After talking with my wife, I also think that what gets her going is being dominated. This is one of the reasons she does not initiate sex or show a lot of flirtatious behavior. Thats just not how she is wired to get aroused. The problem with this is there is no way for me to get the feedback I need to feel confident she desires me (since I always have to make the first move). Also when I ask her, she can't explain exactly what she means by "be more aggressive...". I think she is just shy in this area.

 

Any suggestions on how to dominate a woman without seeming mean or weird, etc?

[Aurian]

Just grab her, kiss her silly and do a looooooong session of foreplay? That`s what I think when she says to be more aggressive. It makes me feel desired when my bf does that.

[mocha77]

You could also try natural herbs for instance there is an amino acid called L-arginine, in which increases sex drive. Look into it!