Mutual Love, or One-sided

[So Gone]

 

Okay, I am really in a rut. I attend a university in Illinois. It is very common and accepted for a female and male to have sex with no attachments. As a matter of fact, it's an everyday thing. I got involved with a guy in a "just sex" relationship. However, we became good friends and turned it up a notch saying that we couldn't have sex with other people, only each other. This has been going on for over a year now. Within this year we have weathered storms such as abortion, and rumors of cheating. Not too long ago and told this man that I love him in a four page letter. He never wrote me back. When I asked him how he really felt about me he said I was "blowing him." I don't know what to do. If it's just sex, why is he still sticking to me like glue? He can have sex with whomever he wants to and leave me alone. He never tells me how he feels about me, yet he calls me everyday and we talk for hours. I come up here on the weekends and we see each other, even though it is always that we get a hotel room, have sex, talk, and then leave. However, he tell his boys about me all the time. His best friend told my friend that he says me name over and over. Am I wasting my time on a dead-beat, or is he just scared to tell me how he feels.

[Mar]

Why don't you attempt to get HIM to tell you how he feels? We'll honestly have no clue, since we can't conveniently crawl into his head...lol

 

First off, how do YOU feel about him? Do you love him? Are you satisfied with being in the position you are now? Do you want more? If you do, then you'll have to take that leap, that chance, and TELL him that. If he reacts negatively, and says he's happy with where you two are now, then so be it, and you have your answer, and can decide if you want to be with this guy in a "friends with benefits" situation from here on out or not. If not, move on, easy (though it's not, I now) as that.

 

But you're not going to resolve anything until you tell him your feelings (what's the worst that can happen? He rejects you saying you care for him more than you've previously stated? Big deal-you were the bigger person for having the courage to do so) and find out exactly where he stands. If it's been somewhat clear all along that this was how it was going to be, especially if on his part, it's because he doesn't want any more of a relationship than what you have, and you're meeting his needs nicely. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but that's just how I see things...lol

 

Good luck, I hope you can find a mutual, satisfying agreement for this!

 

Mar

[OctoberBaby]

I personally think you should slowly detach yourself from this guy, before he completely drains you of your self-esteem. I was in a similiar situation about a year ago with someone (who was married, I found out later) and I ended up feeling hurt. We would just basically talk on the phone, go to a hotel, have sex, then go our separate ways. I really started to have feelings for him, but it was apparent that he wasn't feeling the same. It was just about sex for him. After all, he had his wife for emotional attachment.

 

It sounds like this guy enjoys sleeping with you, and even has great conversations with you, but don't be fooled. IT IS WHAT IT IS. If you can accept a purely sexual relationship with him, that's great. You know he's good for it. However, if you want more out of this than that, look elsewhere. I am sure there is a man out there that could treat you better than this!

 

You are not just his sex-toy, you are worth more than that. Don't let him take advantage of the situation. You be the one to call the shots.

 

Hey, you could always look for someone else and just use this sucker for sex, if it's really good..lol

 

Good Luck to U!