Bird Song

[Daddy Bear]

sweet young canary

featherlight fairy

in the mines we send her down

according to purpose

for that's how she serves us

in her yellow burial gown

 

pretty bird, you are

and oh, how you sing!

caging you is tragedy

death sentence in a heartless world

do you know that you should be free?

 

or are you just another like me?

 

 

you're a bird, you're a bird

you have wings, you could fly

incarcerated far from sunlight - nevermore

lift your eyes, you may see

that for you, as for me

your death cell has an open door

 

 

got an old mynah

I bought him in China

or maybe it was Chinatown

taught him some phrases

he swears like the blazes

just another painted-face clown

 

pretty bird, you say

and what have I done?

trapping you so selfishly

life sentence in a flightless world

do you know that you should be free?

 

or are you just another like me?

 

 

you're a bird, you're a bird

you have wings, you could fly

in isolation in the dim light - nevermore

lift your eyes, you may find

that your trap is your mind

and freedom is an open door

 

 

now's your chance to get away

you can have it all today

canary and the mynah, sittin' in a tree

now's the time, don't hesitate

just outside, you have a date

for little bit o' k-i-s-s-i-n-g

and little bit o' s-i-n-g-i-n-g

so spread your wings and start f-l-y-i-n-g

don't you be two others like me

 

 

sing the bird song

sing the free bird song

and get someone to sing along

[Firiel]

I really like it...

 

I think the fact that the speaker knows the birds should be free and are encouraging them to take their freedome but is still the one sending the bird down to the mine and keeping the mynah as a pet. Really interesting.

 

Anyway, good job! Quite impressive.

[Daddy Bear]

Thank you for saving me from the shame of getting zero responses, lone person who thought this song had any merit.

 

Maybe if people could hear it in the context of the tune in my head that I wrote it to... or maybe not.

[Miss Firecracker]

I love your song, somebloke. I hate to see a bird in a cage, always have.

 

I thought of my own ending to the song.

 

 

 

Now the birds are finally free.

 

And a cat climbs up the tree.

 

heehee!

[Cimmie]

That's so lovely, somebloke. I'd love to hear you sing it!

[Daddy Bear]

Thanks, all of you. Your comments mean a lot, because I really believe in this song and the initial lack of response had me wondering if I had any talent after all.

 

Miss F: I might have included such lines, had they occurred to me.

 

Silent-Eyes: Please do.

 

Cimmie: I was recently given an acoustic guitar as a gift. Although it's been years since I played, the little bird of inspiration is on my shoulder and an eventual recording is not outside the realm of possibility.

[melrich]

sorry I missed this SB. It is really good.

 

Unfortunately poetry doesn't have a very high profile on eNot. If you are interested there is a very good poetry forum called the "The Poet's Sanctuary" you'd have to google the address as I have lost my link but you will get a lot more critiques there if you are interested.

[Miss Firecracker]

Yep, it's really good stuff...better than a lot that's been published. That's for sure.

 

I was afraid you might take offense that I twisted it into sick humor. Glad you didn't. LOL