dad died need some advice

[vicious897]

my dad died im am 14 and my dad wassent alalways the best he alaways had a gf by his side and never me he was cool sometimes and it pisses me off cause we left on such a bad note and he didnt call me for a few months he owed my mom tons of child support money and he never called cause he knew he had to pay. he didnt even call me for my birth day and then i find out he died 2 days later. does any one have any helpful advice on this i just wish that it didnt happen as it did

[enadevoli]

im sorry about your loss. i would recommend you go see a counsler or something to help you not feel guilty or to help you get over it. it might take some time though.

[materia_goddess]

oh vicious, im so so sorry about this. coping with something so full on at such an age is SO not fair. i understand you didnt have the best relationship with your father, and that you might feel guilty about how you left things. remember it was NOT your fault. dont regret anything!

 

although it seems like he didnt appreciate you, im sure he was thinking about you. he might not have shown it, but you are his son, and you would have been on his mind more than you think. sometimes people get caught up in their own lives and they forget whats really important and miss the bigger picture.

 

im certain your father would of loved you. his life may of gotten in the way of showing this to you but im sure it was there. hang in there. i know its a rough time for you, but i believe you can get through this.

 

if you need someone to talk to im always here

 

~please look after yourself. we're all thinnking of you~

[Mar]

Aww sweetie, I'm SO sorry...I'm 30 and my dad's in bad health, and I continually stress about what it'll be like when he goes....I can't imagine going through that at 14.

 

But you can't change the past...I firmly believe that you can only tell him what you feel, and let him know that you love him and wish him well, and he WILL HEAR YOU. A lot of folks would say this is bull, but I firmly believe that the ones we love can hear everything we say. If you're angry at him, tell him. If you wish you could have told him you love him, tell him that you love him. Tell him everything you ever thought about what was right and wrong about your relationship, or lack of. He won't reject you, he'll only love you.

 

Beyond that, you just have the memories of what makes you love him, and you hold onto those with all your might. And you tell your dad you love him every night, and know that he's there with you, watching over you.

 

Mar

[SunnyScott]

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now.

 

My dad died too! However, my situation was different, he loved me and was madly in love with my mom.

 

I know that you probably resent him a little, but he's still your father you know, you might not realize it, but he's blood, and I do believe that no matter how bad your blood family treats you, you'll always love them. (Except in cases like incest, which I can't comprehend).

 

But anyway, I'm really sorry for his passing away. What you need to do is truly reflect on the past. Reflect on his life, and reflect on the good times spent with him. Sometimes life isn't perfect, and people don't make the right decisions, but in order to grieve and move on, you must forgive and forget.

 

I hope that you'll feel better though. God bless..and take care...

[swift44]

wow i havent lost anyone close to me so i cant begin to imagine your pain, but all i can do is pray for you and i hope you can get past this. sorry to hear about your loss

[JiN]

this is my first post here in a long time. i hope you still read this thread. it is truly unfair the way some things turn out in life. my father is incredibly ill right now fighting for his life with each passing day and the thought of him leaving is the worst pain i can possibly imagine. he is a good man, has devoted his life to helping other people, and loves his family dearly. this just isnt fair.

 

the reason your post caught my attention is because of your age. 14 is too young for this. i am 19 now but i have a younger sister and a very young brother. it will effect the lives of so many people if my dad goes that it makes me extremely angry how unfair the whole situation is. the only advice that i can possibly offer and that i've lived by my whole life is: things happen for a reason no matter what happens to us in our life , no matter how much it hurts, we still always have enough to go on and it makes our spirit that much stronger. please update us on your situation if you feel like it...

 

--jin

[poonany]

Hey man I went through almost the same thing when I was 14.

 

I am now 16, almost 17, and it still hurts very.... very deeply. I dealt with it very good in a sense... I grieved for a few months, I got on track with my school, started exercising lots... took my mind off of things.

 

Now I have the greatest relationship with a girl I care for incredibly deeply, and I am starting to miss my Dad very much. I am so proud of the mature serious relationship I have for my age, I wish my dad could see me. I wish he could see my accomplishments with my job. I wish I could hear his voice tell me he is proud of me. That he loves me.

 

Cry man, talk to whoever you can. I dont know if you have any religious beliefs, but my faith comforted me more then I could ever explain.

 

Good luck man, you CAN do it, and you will.

 

Later brother