Blame

[Sylivia]

Just typing to see, if anyone has these feelings too?

Years ago I was sexually abused, I can hardly believe that I was, but I was, and my brothers saw it, which was horrid for them, but anyhow, Iv'e had councelling, etc. and occasionally feel down, but am able to enjoy my days better. etc.

However just recently I spent a day with my mum, I had a lovely time, but although she looked okay, she wasn't, and I could tell that she is dealing with issues too.

She is married to a man who used to abuse her badly, but he has had a bit of help, and is loads better now, but it looks like her marriage is really on the rocks, and I feel like it's my fault. I know it's not, but I was constantly told right from being a small dot, It you tell anyone, your parents will split up.

So although I know that, I can't get it out of my head, that I caused the upset.

Anyhow, just thought I would share that!

Iv'e been married for nearly twenty years to a lovely man, and he is so supportive, he says my parents relationship is not my responsibilty.

[Bonzophuebes1]

Your man is correct. It is not your responsibility, but it is your family and the last thing any so called NORMAL people want is to see their family fall apart. Though it is not your responisbility to coucil them, it is yours to listen, to help to facilitate whatever happens and to understand that this has nothing to do with you. I to was abused as a child, though it happened one time by a friend of the family it, I think anyway was a major factor in my turmoil that I faced and at times still face today. However, if your abuse is hindering your growth as a person and affecting your family then getting help to understand why as it is not your fault is a recommendation. Is this person who abused you a family member, have you confronted this person? Sometimes that can be hard, I have never talked with this person again. I finally told my family what happened although it was years later, many years later and it was tough. I felt relieved though. In the end, the advice, council you get from here is just that advice, it ultimately comes down to you and your family as you are the only one who knows exactly how they will react. It sounds to me like your fmaily is on a cut rope and will break eventually regardless of if you come out and say anything. So, your husband and family must come first, if you have to finally force your mother and her husband to hear the truth for you to be able to move on, then so be it. There is no right or wrong answer, there is not BETTER WAY of dealing with it. THere is just you and what will make your life easier to deal with and how you can ensure that your husband and children grow up around a mother and wife that is happy inside. That comes first, in my eyes.

[Sylivia]

Thanks, that was helpful.

It was kind of you to reply, I love my family dearly, but only a miracle can save the marriage, not me.

 

Have a great weekend!

[Bonzophuebes1]

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