How do I get her to leave?

[Abby]

I have a lovely friend I've known for many years but her only fault is that she turns up at my house unexpected and overstays her welcome. I can handle expected visitors for 2 hours as I'm a working mother and don't have much time.

 

I've tried saying that I've got an appointment but she doesn't leave until I do. I'd really like some time to make sure I've got everything I need before I have to leave but she just sits over me. Sometimes she even comes with me and returns with me!

 

When I haven't got an appoitment, I've started doing housework in the hope that this will shift her. It doesn't

 

I've also tried saying that my husband is due home soon. But she still doesn't take the hint to leave and leaves in her own time! What was worse was that when my husband did come home from work, he saw I had a visitor and left us to chat. I wanted him to rescue me. When I mentioned this to him later he said that if it happens again he'll say, "I need to talk with my wife. Can you leave us to it, please?" But I know she won't leave even then. She'll wait until he's finished talking with me.

 

I've tried all this and nothing's worked. My question is, how do I get her to leave in a polite manner?

[avman]

It sounds like your friend can't take a hint. Unfortunately that really only leaves you one option - the direct route.

 

Sit down with your friend and have the difficult conversation you have been needing to. Tell her she needs to call you before coming over as you simply can't drop everything when she decides its time to come by. Also tell her you can really only handle a 2 hour visit (or however much time is comfortable for you) and just explain why.

 

If your friend is as lovely as you say she is then she should understand and appreciate your honesty.

[enadevoli]

avman is right. you need to tell her that she needs to call instead of just showing up. tell her that sometimes you get busy & can't have her over. she should understand. if she continues to come over without calling, then just don't let her in the house. tell her that you are really busy & can't be bothered at that moment. you don't need to explain yourself to her, if she can't take the hint then, she probably never will.

[Abby]

Thanks for your reponse everyone. They're all very interesting and thought provoking.

 

I'd planned on arranging to see X outside the home on an evening just explain in a bit more detail about family life etc. The only time I could do this is when my husband had two consecutive days off work.

 

Unfortunately, I didn't get to do even that because not long after I posted this, I got a letter from the hospital for my son's hip-realignment surgery (we've been waiting over a year) so now he'll be in hospital a week and there'll be a few months upheaval at home to even consider entertaining anyone or going out to meet friends because we don't have much practical support.

 

I wrote to X and apologised because of this and heard back from her. I'm delighted to learn she's doing voluntary work as well as her part time computer course and she mentioned a best friend whom she'd never mentioned before.

 

I do worry about X because she's in a relationship with a man 50 years her senior and how she'll be when he meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates (he's 82).

 

Anyway, thanks again guys. I really appreciate your responses.