zachiphus Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 what's going on guys, kinda new to the forums as a member even though i've been browsing for awhile. well id like to talk to u guys about a girl ive been hanging out with lately and i happen to like her. we've hung out a few times this last week. on wednesday her and i went to this outdoor event where there were tons of people some live music, etc... we walked around for awhile and then we went somewhere alone and we talked for a bit. during a pause in our conversation i asked "r u seeing anyone?" and "would u like to start dating?" something like that. well she gave me a speel about how she just ended a relationship and it was her first heartbreak, blah blah blah... i told her i respected that she wanted to wait and everything. the thing that got me though was is that she said "i never thought of u that way, but i love hanging out with u." god guys hate this when we r in the "just friends" stage when we want to be more than "just friends." the thing is she has thrown a few hints at me and that is one of the reasons i asked her. when we were at her house with a few friends for her graduation party and sitting around the fire, she leaned in close to me and said to one of her friends "see it's okay to be close to a guy." i of course messed with her a little and leaned the other way looked at her and said "ew..." in a very joking way, that earned a nice slap on the arm and some laughs from around the group. she even got off early for work on monday to come swimming with me and it happened to be her mom's birthday also. afterwards we went to the park and did the most cliche thing ever and looked for shapes in the clouds, haha. so i am getting tons of mixed messages from this girl. she does have a few other close guy friends though and im wondering if she is just naturally friendly to all her guy friends(not like any of u can tell). that's cool and everything, but a part of me wouldn't like to be in a relationship with a girl with A LOT of guy friends if u know what im saying. not that im jealous or anything i would just feel uncomfortable if she were to say "im gonna go hang out with brandon tonight," or something like that. We hanged out yesterday but just as friends like she wants right now. but i have been the one always calling her up and inviting to stuff. so im gonna wait for her to call me to come hang out with her. if she doesn't then she probably isn't interested in me and i can worry about seeing other people( i am going to college in the fall, i hear there r usually a few attractive, intelligent women there i just want to know what your guys' thoughts r and if my "tactics" if that's what u want to call them r good and well thought out. any help is appreciated guys Link to comment
Yates33 Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 during a pause in our conversation i asked "r u seeing anyone?" and "would u like to start dating?" something like that. guys Always avoid telling a girl how you feel upfront. If you are asking a girl out, or flirting with her it should be obvious to her you are into her, and if you have to ask her what you asked and she gives you the friends speech she gave you,then you were obviously NOT fliting with her from the very beginning. You should NEVER have to tell her a girl, "I like you, would you date me?" It should be something that leads into it itself because of your attitude and approach. It sounds like all you did to her was be a friend and that's how she began to see and treat you, then you just went in COLD and asked her out. My suggestion? Change your approach towards women. Link to comment
zachiphus Posted June 18, 2007 Author Share Posted June 18, 2007 all right i hear ya man. i've thought about using this approach before. not "officially" asking her out probably would've been the smartest thing to do, but just let it work itself out and have it fall into place. but instead of asking, how about certain gestures like putting my arm around her or taking her hand or something like that. that would kind of be putting it in the same way by saying i like u, but just through physical contact. Link to comment
TANKGRL Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 I guess I am a weird girl..... I like to know right up front if I am a friend or a possible girlfriend. Most of the time I am blind to flirting and when guys drop hints. I like when a guy flat out tells me.. I wanna date you or I like you. It's nice when they feel comfortable enough to actually express their true feelings. Maybe she really just does need sometime. But atleast now she knows you're interested and I AM positive she thinks about it....who wouldn't? Just keep hanging around with her and be flirty!! Link to comment
coolguy731 Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 all right i hear ya man. i've thought about using this approach before. not "officially" asking her out probably would've been the smartest thing to do, but just let it work itself out and have it fall into place. but instead of asking, how about certain gestures like putting my arm around her or taking her hand or something like that. that would kind of be putting it in the same way by saying i like u, but just through physical contact. lol...I was in the same situation a couple months ago. Basically I liked this girl I met a lot. I ended up hanging out with her, going to the mall and flirting. She was definitely into me. She was constantly touching my arm, playing with her hair, laughing etc...and then I made the terrible mistake of asking her out upfront. The situation got weird and now we're not even friends. If I would have initiated physical contact by holding her hand or somethign I'm sure the situation would have been different. I learned from this and so should you...don't ask a girl out upfront. It basically gives her the power and if you're rejected it gets awkward. Take things to the next level in a non verbal way. Don't communicate your feelings like that. You probably don't have a chance with this girl now that she knows your intentions. But for the future, do it differently next time! Link to comment
zachiphus Posted June 18, 2007 Author Share Posted June 18, 2007 I guess I am a weird girl..... I like to know right up front if I am a friend or a possible girlfriend. Most of the time I am blind to flirting and when guys drop hints. I like when a guy flat out tells me.. I wanna date you or I like you. It's nice when they feel comfortable enough to actually express their true feelings. Maybe she really just does need sometime. But atleast now she knows you're interested and I AM positive she thinks about it....who wouldn't? Just keep hanging around with her and be flirty!! haha, it actually took me quite a bit of guts to ask her the way i did, but i was pretty cool and confident when i did it. i wasn't acting like i was head over heels with her, but i didn't ask too nonchalantly either. i will keep being flirty, but im thinking of letting her make the next move. we'll see how it goes tho. Link to comment
zachiphus Posted June 18, 2007 Author Share Posted June 18, 2007 well i've been browsing around for awhile about this and i think i generalized the way most women think in this situation. "If he chases me, run. If he doesn't chase me, chase him." u may be right, i may have totally screwed my chances up with this girl, but i know what to do next time for sure. it's easy for me to move on, so i'll let it go and start seeing other people. thanks for the advice guys Link to comment
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