Confused to the state of madness!

[irish_paradise]

Hello everyone! YEah, this one here is a long narration (arent all in this forum?

 

I met a very special person about an year ago. When I had met him, he was already seeing someone and I had decided that we were just going to be friends...but as time passed by I fell in love with him and he with me. I hadnt realised my love for him since this is the first time for me and was perhaps too afraid to acknowledge it to myself and him since i knew it wasnt going to work out for several reasons. One, that he was already attached and secondly, my parents would've never agreed with me going out with him. ( By the way, I come from a traditional family and so it isnt so palatable to my parents that i am even dating some guy let alone a guy who doesn't even belong to our culture!! )

 

Anyway, I love him truly. Many a times i've asked myself if my love for him is out of any dependency. But i hardly suspect so.. since there are times i can be on my own and very independent. Both of us have shared a lot of happy and sad moments together in this year. We've laughed and cried together. And yes, i've even lost my virginity to him. There's a special bond that has been created and it is hard for me to let go of it... now that is very apparent that this relationship isnt going anywhere beyond what it already is.

 

He still cares for the other girl in his life too. She had had been there for him when he was going through certain bad times in life. Incidentally he had met me when he was going through some terrible times like being at the verge of loosing his job for unfair reasons esp when the economy was terribly down (it still is, btw). He cant let go of both of us a cares for both of us... he says he cant choose between us because it isnt a matter of choice anymore. He doesnt want to insult us by comparing anyone one of us with the other and he thinks it is immoral of him to do so.

 

He realises the seriousness of the situation and has decided to be with neither of us. Yes, I still meet him and so does the other girl.... but now he will be leaving the country for an year to undergo work-related training for an year.

 

At an even like this, i am not able to handle myself well and have already cried over this a lot!!! I've never shed so many tears in my life, ever. It breaks his heart to see me like this, but both of us don't see a solution except to let go for the moment and work on improving our lives. I've become depressed and want to undergo some therapy (I am afraid i am not handling it well! )

 

I've been respected, loved, cared and have grown spiritually in this relationship... then why am i still crying? I feel like i was chasing after a mirage afterall... but it was so real.

 

I am finding it really hard to get above this problem and to live on happily. I miss him too much and it hurts to just treat this as another milestone in life and to proceed.

 

I feel so helpless. What would you have done, in a similar situation? I guess it's extra hard on me cause this is my first relationship and one that's been so wonderful for me and yet the most painful one! ( do i make sense there?!)

 

Would love to hear from all of you guys before I go crazy!

[Hoops]

Hi Irish

Thanks for sharing your story-it wasn't THAT long and quite organized which made it fluid to read.

 

The circumstances of your first love relationship were not really 'traditional' in that he was with another woman when he had started up with you. There's nothing wrong with that necessarily, but letting go of your first love is never easy under ANY circumstances, so please don't underestimate your love or condescend your relationship with hindsite vision, ok?

 

It sounds like everyone involved (assuming the other woman knew about your relationship with him, otherwise just you and this man) honestly did realize the seriousness of the situation, as often matters of the heart can and DO become quite serious. You asked yourself if being with him was a mirage-and that is DEFINITELY just not true. Your heart does not fall in love with mirage's, I honestly just don't think that's possible. You and he did the best thing you could do-just give it a big break and take the opportunity of a 1 year detachment from one another. You and he will likely grow-perhaps in the same direction, perhaps opposite directions. The important thing for you is staying focused on trying to move forward in your life, emotionally speaking. Seeking therapy is a great way to make this important first step. I commend you on your courage and strength. Please don't give up on yourself and know that you can move on from this, and try to handle the tears. I didn't say HOLD BACK the tears, just try to keep a handle on it. You may cry periodically for a little while, sometimes even uncontrollably. Seek your therapy and more of why this happens may make itself known to you. Just know that you are normal for feeling this way, and losing your first love can be very difficult.

 

Surround yourself by those who love you; friends, family, anyone who makes you happy. You are strong and you can get through this time. No one is timing you -so go at your own pace and keep making the right decisions by staying strong and by always trying to learn and grow.

 

I shall say an extra prayer for you to find inner strength, and I encourage all who read your post to do the same.

 

God Bless, and good luck