*I* broke up with *him* but now I think I've changed my mind

[pixienyc1607306443]

Hello all,

 

Before anybody out there starts throwing tomatoes, please hear me out.

 

I was seeing this guy for about 7 months, but the last couple of months have been a bit rocky due to his overwhelming work schedule and inability for us to spend a whole lot of time together. I always tried to be very understanding and patient about his schedule, but what I couldn't understand was when he started not returning my calls for days. I know he's busy, but it only takes a few minutes to make a phone call, right?

 

It got worse a couple of weeks before Christmas when I asked him to come to a party with me on a Saturday night. The last couple of Saturdays before that he had been going in to work on Saturdays as well, and there is a commuting issue which eats up a lot of time when he goes into the office. I didn't pressure him about the party, just said, let me know if you can make it or not. Days went by and I didn't hear from him. Finally it was the night of the party and I STILL had not heard from him. At this point I kind of blew it by losing my temper and leaving an angry message on his answering machine -- along the lines of, why can't you even return my calls? The thing is, he DID call me, from the office, about half an hour later. He ended up not being able to make it to the party. I apologized for my message, and he apologized for not making the party. Over the next couple of weeks, things seemed to get better, with him making more of an effort to make time for me where he could.

 

Then came New Year's Eve. He kept avoiding making any definite plan about this night, and I was afraid of pressuring him, so I tried not to make a big issue of it. We spoke late afternoon, at which time he told me he'd be going to an office party for a "little while" and then he'd call me when he was heading back into town. Big surprise, he never called me back, not until 4 p.m. the next day. His explanation was that he decided to stay late at the party, and that when he tried to call me at around 12:30 a.m., he couldn't get through. My question to that was, "why didn't you call me earlier to let me know you weren't going to make it back in time?" His response was that he was "procrastinating" and that we didn't have any definite plans anyway. Well, that's true, and it's at least partly my fault, but still...

 

I am hurt that he would want to spend New Year's Eve, a holiday, with co-workers instead of me, but more than that, I am furious that he never called me back. I don't know what was going on at that party, but would it have killed him to call me and let me know "hey, looks like I'm going to be here for a while, don't wait around for me"? Is it just me, or is that just a common courtesy?

 

Anyway, the long and short of it is, I broke up with him on New Year's Day because I figured if he doesn't care enough about me to even pick up the phone, then what is the point? His story is that he does care about me, and that I'm very important to him, but right now the job has to come first (it's a new job).

 

At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm not so sure. I think now that I was acting in a moment of anger, instead of thinking it through first. Things were getting better, and it seems to me now that I gave up at the first set-back, instead of giving things a chance to work out.

 

So what do I do now? Is it too late? Should I call him and tell him I've changed my mind? I really don't know what to do in this situation. What is the best strategy here? Also, I'm really not sure if this was the right decision or not. I just know I should have waited until I calmed down a bit before making this decision.

 

I hope somebody out there can help. Thanks for listening.

 

pixie

[shimmy830]

Getting back with him might be a problem. My Ex-girlfriend broke up with me in the summer cuz she wanted to play the field i guess (hint #1). So thats not really like you. I was crushed. I love(d) her.I told her that many times, and she told me the same thing. She still took my heart and ripped it out. About 4 months later, I'm finally getting over her. I'm stopping thinking about her all the time, and she calls me out of the blue. She has not called or anything since she broke my heart, and she said she wanted to be friends. She told me that she wanted to get back together. This was a tough one, cuz this was the girl that I knew I loved. I asked her alot of questions such as "how do i know you wont do it agin"etc. she said, all you can do is trust m. Having said this, I said yes, being the door knob that i am. 2 months later, its new years eve, were together i say happy new years and go to kiss her, she turns away. i ask whats wrong. "its getting too serious between you and me, i think we should split up" shoot me, shoot me now. I said you promised. she said i know, but stuff changes. 2 hours later I'm totally smashed, i go upstairs to lie down. Guess who i found giving head in the bedroom...yep my ex.i left. couldnt take it.

Not to scare you or anything, but basically what I'm trying to tell you is that you have to have good reasons why you want to get back with him. Not "you have to trust me". I'm not sure I helped, and i certainly hope i didnt damage.

PLUR

[SwingFox]

I totally agree with the previous posting. BE CAREFUL. In my humble opinion, if someone makes a commitment into a relation, there should be quality time. I have been put in a situation where I wanted to spend quality time with the woman I was involved with. She was more concerned over being on-line to spend time with her friends there than over spending time with me. I found and still find that unacceptable.

 

I think personality doesn't change and I think that the situation wouldn't get better. He will stay busy with work, because obviously that comes first for him. You seem to have different needs. My advice is: if you are really serious about trying again, communicate your needs towards him and let him know what you expect and need in a relation. Ask him if he can meet your needs, if not ... move on!

 

Good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[ttubbs]

Don't try to get back with him for two reasons.

 

1) There is no indication that he wont do the same as what he has done that annoyed you in the first place.

 

2) Every relationship that I have ever personally known, either through friends or my own personal relationships where people have gotten back with an ex, it just turns into a plain disaster. 9 times out of 10, people get back with their ex because they cant let go and feel insecure.

[oneboardus]

I went back with my boyfriend after I broke up with him and I am still with him. But, I have to say I regret not giving myself time to sort out my feelings. I let the love I had for him over look what he did. My bf talked to his ex all the time and told her he loved her, and he was becoming distant from me. When I broke up with him he said he wouldn't talk to her anymore, and that he was still in love with me. I guess I asked him out again because I wanted to believe him. Things are good right now, but I still feel like I can't trust him??? You should wait at least a month before you make this kind of decision. If he wants you he will change his priorities! By that I mean he will call if he is late and explain why he is late. If he can't even call you there is more to his story then you know. I would wait till he comes to you. If he wants you back he will come to you and once he does don't give in right away. Let him take you out on dates and treat you with respect...basically wait for him to prove himself to you. Don't make the same mistake I did, because if I broke up with my boyfriend now I look like the fool, since I asked him back. I hope this helps you out!

[pixienyc1607306443]

Hi everyone,

 

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who responded.

 

Confused Girl: I think you are right that I should wait and sort things out before making any decisions. It was helpful to hear from someone in a similar situation.

 

Anyone else out there who's been in this position?

 

Thanks again everyone, you were very helpful.

 

pixie

[LJ]

My advice is to talk to him

 

Your sat there wanting him back, He is probably sat there wanting you back. Both of you are scared to call on another. Dont have any regrets. I messed up with my Ex and now I have given it 6 months I really want to phone her and say hello, but I am finding it differcult because I am scared of rejection or that she wont answer the phone. The reality is that she although unlikely, could be wanting me to call. Someone has got to make the first move and you ended it, so it is up to you to do something about it

 

Swallow Your Pride, we all make mistakes