smackie9

You live with your parents? a group home? with regular roommates? 

Get professional therapy. 

You need to boot this immature brat to the curb. In no way is he stable enough to take on the roll of a husband and father. Porn addiction? oh dear run for the frickin hills!

IMO your husband has to really step up more about it. I have a feeling you are not being all that supported and that's why you are here seeking some answers or just to be heard. 

Your gut is telling you something here...you can't trust him for a reason. Cut him loose....you will feel better about it later. 

She has to get a job or two, quit school temporarily and stop travelling. She will have to save up for school and take affordable online courses. You are not her husband, she's just a GF...so stop supporting her...she's an adult, she has to find a way to stand on her own two feet and figure it out. 

On 10/31/2023 at 4:14 AM, LongJohn75 said:

Thanks for all the replies. I've raised meeting this friend again and again she has promised we'd meet with him and his boyfriend apparently. I suggested we just meet casually for lunch with him but she didn't want to. I asked why and she said it was agreed already she wanted to meet his boyfriend. Which is odd to me but I could also be reading more into that than there is. I agreed to this then the next day she acted like I never agreed to the meeting so I made it explicitly clear I would. I've reminded her numerous times about this just so she'd be clear including by text.

This is an old thread but we all here would be interested in an update OP. 

Dumping patients out into the street is a common practice...not just women but the elderly too. 

You may have witnessed, etc, but there are day to day subtleties us women experience in a safe environments like a grocery store, or our own workplace or a restaurant.

True story: I was waiting for a table and a group came in and waited around us. One of them church goers literally came up behind me a rubbed himself into me...my husband was standing right there! He didn't see it, but I dodged out of the way and moved to the other side. I was in shock, I didn't know what to do, I just got myself out of that situation. TBH I didn't want to ruin 20 other peoples Sunday brunch by making a scene. And who would believe me besides my husband? no one. 

And that's why you should stop seeing him. He's blocking you from actually finding someone else because you are too focused on him. He's only in it for the sex...him complimenting other women is him setting a boundary with you that this isn't going any further than what it is. 

And this is what women have to put up with almost everyday. Some guy being a total creep, leering, pushing boundaries, touching, groping, etc. We have to always just be aware...and guys just don't get that. They label us as "feminists" ruining their dating lives/chances to get a date, when we are just protecting ourselves. They need to blame the jerks that treat women disrespectfully. 

He didn't "use you" . No... it turned out he's just a jerk and you ignored the red flags. Just walk away.

I warned you didn't I. Don't worry about it...she's just trying to get a reaction because of her butt hurt ego....play it kool, ignore her, act like it's nothing. If I were you I would park my car somewhere else for awhile.

A-saying you don't get out much, makes you look like you have no life, have nothing to offer socially, a recluse, something must be wrong with you...don't do that. Make sure your life is full of hobbies, passions, activities and a few friends. No one wants to date someone that becomes their soul focus/life. That's unhealthy. Having a solid fulfilling life outside the relationship keeps things fresh and alive.

B-keep things light and positive, use some humour, stop over thinking.

C-looking for an activity for a date is a good thing. This is how they gauge compatibility which is very important for any future relationship.

D-she's not on the same page as you feelings wise. Carrying a torch...you will have to put the breaks on this and start at square one. Yes you are friends atm....you have a hill to climb...that's why we date. Spend time together and see if feelings grow. Her feelings need to grow, give her a break. Just the way things are, so slow your roll.

I get it her looks are keeping you there, but something doesn't feel right. You are a grown a$$ man, just tell her you are not interested in going to these events, you already have attended a few. If that scares her away then you just found out her motivation.

Kids are happier in an environment of two happy separated parents rather than two miserable parents/partners that choose to stay together. You don't have to fight in front of them for them to know something is off. Kids are very perceptive to the negativity that is going on between you two. You are good to go.

IMO if he's dragging his heels, putting up barriers, and fighting about it, he's proably not going to propose marriage anyways, especially when there's an on/off dating history. You are not it for him. IMO I would not drop everything for this guy. No way.

hey sista you do whatever you want to do. People have something on the side, get divorced, have open relationships, whatever. You are an adult you are able to make your own decisions. If $hit ain't working, have a talk with your husband about it. See what you both can decide on. I have to say just because you are having an emotional affair/desires so to speak...who's to say your husband isn't doing the same thing or worse. You are a big girl, you can figure this out.

2 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Thanks everyone for replying. Yep he's a sleazy guy.  Hanging out means sex.  He owns his own moving company so I can't report him unfortunately. I am moving on May 31 and he doesn't know my new address thankfully.  

I wouldn't go out with him even if he didn't touch me.  He has a temper issue and too immature.  When he started going berserk about having to take things to the dump, I was very calm and did not raise my voice.  Who knows what he would have done (assaulted me?) If I matched his tone.

I'm amazed these types of guys treat women like this.  Most women have respect for themselves. 

Wish I could report his behavior but he's a one man show.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You can leave him a google or yelp review 

11 hours ago, Jaspeniiiinnn said:

Well it’s been over 5 years and I have tried to leave but every time I do he stops me (like blocks the door, follows me downstairs, cries and begs.) and I feel like if I leave it would have all been for nothing. We even almost had a baby but I miscarried in December. 

I have been down that road myself. You quietly leave when he's not there, leave the keys in the mailbox with a note....then disappear. Block/delete/change your number. 

Be more interested/interesting in your conversations like, ask him how his weekend was, what has he been up to, etc. The more you engage the more he's gonna catch on that you like him. 

5 hours ago, LINDA said:

Good day to you all, and thank you for your input. I rewrote the post and deleted the last one; it's the same guy I mentioned before, and I feel bad about testing him. I feel I need more courage to ask him directly, and I guess I made it. Yesterday, I asked him to meet for coffee before our date because I wanted to talk to him and make things clear. So, I gathered all the energy I had and told him everything on my mind. He was surprised because he thought it was clear for him that he treated me as a girlfriend; he was just taking things slowly and didn't want to rush me. He said that I'm definitely the girl he wants to spend his life with. Also, he said that he's sorry for making me confused all this time and that he will try to be more direct. We ended up having our first kiss FINALLY

Remember this moment...communicate always if you want your relationship/marriage to be successful. 

A lot of men need sex to feel that "spark". Waiting for sex is for the few and far between. Gonna have to find a religious fellow that follows that moral value. 

Good lord just be honest with him and ask him. Me personally wouldn't have waited 5 months.

Narcissists are very difficult people to be with. Even without the affair things were not great. Having the affair showed that. You are deprived of affection, fair partnership, support and acknowledgment. He’s going to punish you forever. Narcissists never forgive when wronged. Even tho your daughter loves him to bits, she sees and will continue to see how he treats you and quite possibly get caught up into his treatment of you imposed onto her when she’s older. Narcissists are dangerous people. They are very manipulative. He’s going to do everything in his power to make you look bad to her. Whether you stay or leave, you will be in for the fight of your life. Get a good lawyer.