Hi everyone.
I too just had my significant other's relative pass away. I did some searching on Google and found this thread, and am amazed so many people are experiencing the same sort of thing I am. I am sorry that so many other people are going through this, but reading your stories has helped me to feel less alone. So I thank everyone for posting theirs here.
My boyfriend's dad died on Tuesday, and it has been extremely traumatic for him. He made a post about it on Facebook, and immediately when I saw the post I called him to make sure he was okay. But he wasn't okay. He could barely string sentences together and I could tell he was on the verge of crying. He stayed on the phone for a total of 3 minutes, and then rather abruptly ended it. At the time, I could understand this. His dad had just died and I understood his wounds were very much fresh.
It was our next phone conversation we had that seriously alarmed me. He said things like he "didn't feel the same" and that he wasn't sure he wanted to be close to anyone anymore because it hurts too much to lose them. Though these words disturbed me, I was hopeful that things could still work out and that I just needed to give him time.
Well, today we had an even more intense phone conversation. I missed him and called him to see if he was ready to hang out, and he said he wasn't. And that's when he started saying some really disturbing stuff. He said that he is considering cutting out everyone close to him from his life, including me. His explanation was that it hurts too much to lose people close to him, and so he would rather not have close relationships than lose people he is close to. He also mentioned that he wants to make a big change in his life and is thinking about moving to Germany. Moving to Germany has always been something he talked about doing, but until now he saw it as a far-off thing and certainly not something he would do in the near future.
I am just feeling lost and depressed. I really don't want to lose my boyfriend, but I feel like it's inevitable that he'll break up with me soon. I told him that he's thinking irrationally and shouldn't make rash decisions, and he promised me he wouldn't. But I'm not sure if I can trust that. I just want my old boyfriend back, the guy who made me laugh and smile. We never had a perfect relationship, but at least we were on the same page and knew we wanted to stay together. But now I feel as though we're on different planets and I don't even know who he is anymore. It's scary how much a death can change a person and how they want to live their life.
I just hope that things work out between me and him. It hasn't even been a week since his dad died, so maybe in time he'll start thinking more rationally. I just don't understand the concept of having no close relationships because you're scared of losing the people you're close to. Wouldn't that make life bleak and pointless? I tried telling him this but he said he felt like I was attacking him. I just want things to get better.
