BarbieDoll

I enjoy porn just as much as the next person and feel that it could be a great enhancement in our relationship. Might I add, last night, he said, 'I think that you would have less of a problem with me looking at actual porn, than oggling naked pictures of women.' I'm seriously not a jealous person, I do trust my man with all of my heart. I do understand that he's going to look at other women and I'm fine with that. I just guess I'm feeling like these women, who are just airbrushed images, are taking my place or cutting into my sex life. That's all.

In some ways, yes. Although, I did ask him once if he EVER thought I was sexy. He said, 'you're different at different times...you're cute when you're laying around the house, hot when you're getting ready to go out, and sexy when I'm looking at you, while we're making love'. Perhaps, I'm scared, because of his shady past, that he's going to get bored and move on. He has in no way indicated that he was bored...just the opposite. He says that he's happy with what we have and would never trade it for anything. This is the first time he's ever been in a relationship where he wasn't thinking in the back of his head that something better will come along, because he has the best person. Perhaps with our talk of marriage is making me a little weird or maybe I feel that things are too good and scared that someday it'll all end.

Thank you AzurePhoenix... Allow me to further articulate my feelings about these erotic sites. I absolutely do not have a problem with him looking at other women when he is on the road. It's tough to be without sex for long periods of time and I understand it as a helpful aid. It is in these times, that I'm grateful for erotica. I've even taken the liberty of taking erotic pictures of myself for his own pleasure. It is the times that he's home, while I'm at work that troubles me. I was really upset last weekend, because I went to the gym for 2 hours and discovered that he was on those sites during that time...it's not big deal in general, but I had just given him oral sex right before I left. We are always doing new things to keep our sex life going. I'm a very open person. We've partaken in all kinds of positions, videotaped our lovemaking and watched erotic films together. The thing that makes me feel uneasy is that he's always seemed to have less of a sex drive than I. He claims to have no sexual fetishes and seems perfectly happy with plain old vanilla sex. I, on the other hand am always trying to encourage him to open up. Also, he constantly goes on to me about how cute I am, but says that he has a hard time seeing me as sexy. I've talked to my therapist about this and she seems to think that he has this ideal of what his wife is going to be. She feels that he puts me on this pedestal and has a hard time separating the two. I want to feel sexy to him. But he says, sexy in his eyes, is trashy. So, I guess that's why I feel threatened by the women on those erotic sites. I could never compete with them, because I will never be sexy in his eyes. I do feel like we can come to a compromise...I guess I'm just searching for some answers myself. To answer your questions...how is my boyfriend wonderful? He's wonderful in so many ways. He's there to listen to me when I'm sad, and he would do anything to make me happy. I feel like he can articulate what he wants, but I think he's scared, because this is his first significant relationship. He is 27 and he's had 3 other girlfriends in total...all of which ended after 6 months. Above all of this, he's had a past filled with many one-night stands and short relationships...enough to fill a book. He tells me that this is the first time he has ever been with someone where he feels like home and that he feels complete and will do anything to make me feel the same. My therapist believes that he just didn't waste much time in the past (pursuing a relationship), because he didn't find the right person. He has communicated at times about things that he would want to do, and I've been nothing but willing to try them. So, that's all for now.

I've been living with my boyfriend for over a year now. Everything's been going wonderful. We are very close friends and talk about our problems very rationally. We've, in fact, have never had a fight in our relationship so far. The main reason being, is that my boyfriend is so easy going and absolutely refuses to argue about anything. He'd rather agree with me, than have a confrontation or talk about it until we reach an agreement. He is always showering me with affection and helps around the house all the time. He refuses to let me do the dishes and even has supper ready for me when I get home most times. We make love almost every day that he is home and he tells me he loves me over 5 times a day. So, this is where I feel like the jerk. Lately, I've been feeling extremely insecure. See, my boyfriend is a musician and he travels quite extensively; so needless to say, we have sort of a long distance relationship at times. I work full-time and when he is home, it's usually during the week, when I'm at work. Recently, we've talked about his extra-curricular activities while I'm at work and he admitted to visiting several erotic sites, saying he regularly checks for 'updates'. He says that it's purely recreational. Sometimes he'll masturbate, but most times it's like watching sports to him. I understand it's harmless fun and he's doing it out of boredom, but still can't help feel self-conscious about it. The thing is, I've visited these erotic sites, and it's nothing more than beautiful women in lingerie...extremely tasteful and not at all degrading. We've talked about it a total of 3 times and he has now decided that I am too bothered by it, and that he will stop going on them, because it's no big deal to him. I feel horrible by this. I don't want to be the girlfriend that prevents him from doing things. I want to be able to enjoy it with him. I've always been open to erotica myself, but feel more comfortable sharing that with him, to enhance our relationship. Sometimes I feel that if he's engaging in this behaviour behind my back, that it's somehow causing some downfall in our sex life. The main reason being, is that I am an extremely sexual person, almost to the point that I feel embarrassed that I want it so much. He's made little jokes to me, saying, 'oh, my little nympho'...but it's not the case, I just love making love to my boyfriend. Plain and simple. At times, I feel like he's less than eager to make love to me and I wonder if his erotic visual stimulation is to blame. I've even been turned down a few times, because he was tired. I, on the other hand, have never turned him down. I can't understand why I feel so insecure...I'm very attractive. I'm 5'9" and I weigh 132 pounds and have a very pretty face. I work out all the time, so I take care of myself really well and I get hit on a lot by other men. I'm extremely intelligent and funny and am a very likeable person. I know all these things. I just can't get past this. I also grew up in a very hostile environment. My parents were abusive to each other and constantly fought, eventually divorcing after almost 20 years of marriage. During the divorce proceedings, I learned about the many years of infidelity that took place in their marriage. It's been over 5 years since they separated and they are still at each other's throats and still trying to drag me into the situation. My only solution is to avoid speaking to them as much as possible. My last relationship was with an alcoholic. I was with him for 6 years. That too, was extremely abusive and he didn't take it well when I left. My self-esteem was so low at many points in the relationship, that no one knew I had the strength to leave it. I did, and I got help. I talked to therapists and worked through it and I've only just come to terms with the abuse a few months ago. So, needless to say...I am feeling extremely lucky to have this man in my life. I just want to be the best girlfriend or wife possible (we are planning on marrying in the summer). I want to know what I need to do to get through this and realize that he's not going to hurt me like everyone else in my life has. Because, I think that's what I fear most...being hurt and being betrayed. I need some advice on how to deal.