mylolita

On 5/9/2021 at 9:25 PM, Seraphim said:

Owning your own business is a pain. More than half my income goes back into my business. It is a major risk for sure. Plus just the hours that it eats in my life and the taxes that need to be paid . 

Seraphim!

To what do I owe this pleasure?! I thought my journal was too offensive for you? 😉

I didn’t realise you would be reading my low brow drivel! You must be feeling very sorry for my husband 😉 God knows someone has too!

Anyway, I’m just teasing, I hope you’re well 😉 And of course. If you are only putting in half, you are far far farrrr more sensible than us!

Lo x

On 5/9/2021 at 5:45 PM, dias said:

It's my theatrical melodramatic story-telling nature😁

I am happy, the happiest I've been since primary school. I am not satisfied, this is different. It's not about the money, I make ok money and it's only going to get better, I have enough for a house deposit, I could settle down like a normal person; after all, my colleagues have built their lives working for this company.

Thing is, I am not walking the path I was meant to walk. I can picture myself 20 years from now without any money and I can compromise, I won't like it but I can compromise, it does not scare me! However, I can't stand the idea of failing because I didn't chase enough or didn't take all the necessary risks or even worse became complacent and quit. I just can't stand this notion, it drives me nuts.

I am pretty simple person, as long as I am healthy and have enough to drink a cappuccino, eat a yogurt, hit the gym and run in the countryside I am happy. It's not about the money, the restaurant in the corner makes a lot more than 99% of software engineers, you have a greater chance of making money by running a restaurant or a hair salon than shooting in the dark with apps and tech start-ups. Money is not my main concern, my main concern is I am not walking the path I was born to walk. 

I have come to terms with the fact that I can't compromise with reality and reality does not compromise with me. It's not going to change, I will keep getting disappointed and I will keep trying and maybe this is how the story will end but this is how it's going to be.

 

 

Sounds cool, have fun mate 🙂

 

Dias,

Chasing money is definitely not going to make you happy, but as you say, unfulfilled potential will make you feel, less than. As if you have cheated yourself. I get that.  
 

Also, don’t be so sure your corner restaurant is high flying above you. Someone we know, a little old simple software engineer, founded England’s largest software business. He sold it in 2003 for 195 million so, y’know, some of them don’t do too bad 😉

Not too shabby for a geek!

Lo x

Marital, Jibralta!

Ladies! Thank you for the solidarity. Just incase you are wondering if we can feed our family - I got back home in a weird, strange kinda mood and D came fumbling in wearing his dressing gown saying, “I’m sorry, I was asleep! Just woke up! I’ve just transferred the money over! Do you need to go back out?” So a little relief washed over me as always, some money springs out from somewhere to save the day.

Girls, I appreciate your advice and I desperately realise how important it is to start saving even just a little, especially now we have a family. But also, have you ever had your own business? I will presume maybe not, or, you would be feeling hot under the collar but perversely thrilled all at the same time from the “been there, done it” nostalgia. 
 

People who set up and run their own companies are a little bit crazy, I have learnt. You have to be, to even do it, because it goes against all the safety nets normal people like to have in place. You have to be a major risk taker. This is what my husband is, this is how I am, in a way, but not to the same extent (it stresses me out far, far more). But! This is all fine and well when you are single and have nothing much to lose. Throw kids in the mix and baby bumps and the pressure takes on a new meaning.

You have to tirelessly spend and put in all the money you can into your business to make any money. That corny phase, “spent money to make money” is true. This means instead, if we put most of the money we made in the bank, we’d have one lovely little nest egg but no business left within a year or two, and it’s taken him 16 years to build it up. 
 

It’s the spending sometimes, it can sometimes make me fatigue just to hear about it. £50,000 in one week is not an unusual sum. Yes, the house costs a fortune to run and other things but most of our money has to go back into the business. I’m sorry to give rounded figures but it may give you an idea. This is flying about weekly and monthly and coming and going and you feel like your head could spin and never stop. The more money you make, also, the closer you are to going bust easier. 
 

It’s like Donald Trump. Okay, we’re not billionaires! Jesus! But he has hundreds of millions of dollars of loans with many different banks. I guess the average salary person may think, but why? He has enough money not to lend, surely? But that’s not how business works.

I always remember reading a story about him. He was going through a rougher financial patch, his wife, I think it was Marla at the time, they were stepping out of a limo in New York to go to a New Years Eve party and they passed a homeless person on the street and he said to her, “You know, he has more money than me.” 
 

The natural entrepreneur is a mad man, I have come to learn. Sometimes it’s hard to live with, other times it’s an amazing ride. I don’t know. The simple life still seems like the easy life and, well, the nicer life.

Lo x

I am just in such a sad, pitiful, tired mood today. I knew it as soon as I woke up as well. Sometimes I can't help but think, am I messed up or something? I don't know.

It's not, can't get out of bed, can't function. Sometimes it borderline feels that way. But my responsibilities to my two little cherub babes push me up and out and I seem to nearly shake it off and then, I put them both down on their naps, and the breather I have been given causes my inner world to fall in on me again. This huge echo of a house is silent. My husband has gone upstairs to have a snooze as well. I told him I was going out to the supermarket.

God, I just drove there in such a defeated daze, I can't tell you. I'm sat, 31, in this glamorous, exotic car - unhappy. I flash a man and his toddler over the road. The little boy skips across holding his fathers hand, blue dummy in mouth, little wellington boots dancing through the drizzle and I almost feel like bursting into tears as he looks at me with that innocent, darling contentment only a sweet, well looked after child can and I just feel like I am failing my children, even by driving out to the supermarket. I feel like I have abandoned them. It makes absolutely NO sense but I can feel the warmth rising up in my eyes. I push it back, because it was only a few months ago I had my fill of pointless drives in a horrible mood and crying to myself in the car. 

Pregnancy hormones, general me being a moody loser?! Get it together?!? I just don't know. I get to the car park and the place is crammed packed to the rafters with people cruising around looking to find a space and honestly, I can't face it. I don't want to go in, I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to look round anywhere and I DEFINITELY DO NOT want to have to check our bank account.

At first, I didn't think Covid had affected us. Neither did my husband. He was more on the fence about it than me. He was cautious and a little unsure but still, had a wait and see attitude. Because our very nice lifestyle hadn't changed, I saw nothing wrong. A year sailed by without any difference. I carried on like before. In fact, I ramped up my spending. I know. Are you crazy? When your husband has his own business and people to employ and I'm pregnant and with two toddlers to see too and theres an economic crisis waiting in the rafters you'd think I would've reigned it in at least a little. Or, waited maybe, until any potential storms had passed. But no. Not I. Christmas came around and because everything was such a bore and so indoors and same same same I only pushed the boat out more than ever. Glamour glamour. Excess excess. As if anyone needs it anyway. No one even wants it. I don't know what I was thinking.

A couple of months later, as husband and wife of seven years and living together for 14, we had our first ever financial chat. 

He is so relaxed with money, really. He trusts me completely, he never says no, he just works and provides and tries to give me everything my little heart could desire and my God, I really don't deserve him. And he says "Lo, I can't believe how much you spent. We need to stop this." And, it was as if a fat, little stroppy child had been told they weren't allowed the whole bag of sweets and no, no means no. Of course I completely understood, agreed. I felt wounded at the same time. Unreasonably. Cut back. He said, "We should be doing this anyway. We don't need all this stuff. We should save more." All adult, serious concepts I really hadn't ever been bothered with, again, now at the grand old age of 31. 

And again, I didn't really take it fully seriously. We still had the car, the house. Not much changed. Fast forward nearly another year and y'know, I can see now, how financial problems have their own kind of horrible, niggling, hot stress. D has some deals on which is very normal when you sell antiques, art, fossils, artefacts, etc. But in 3 weeks, we may get roughly £100,000 for something going through auction. And then in another month or so £25,000. And then a few more deals of £5,000 and some other things that will happen in-between. 

I never talk money. I don't even know exact figures myself. The whole thing is tasteless anyway. But this is the thing. That money, all that money there, we will see it appear in a few weeks, then go in a few weeks. It won't change our lives. It will just pass silently through our bank account, hardly known to even myself, and cover business costs and replacing stock and debts and... this is how deep we are in. Ever heard the phase, asset rich, cash poor? Well hell, don't I know it. 

Maybe this isn't a big deal. We are very small fry, as companies and what not go. This isn't impressive stuff. I'm not trying to gloat. It's the opposite. It's completely embarrassing.  

Sometimes, I'm talking to friends, with their nice, normal jobs and their middle class lives and they envy me sometimes. They see me at home all day, free and unburdened. But what they don't realise is, I sometimes envy them. And they never know what goes on. I think they see my husband as a kind of, accountant or something like that, and everything is very safe and secured and guaranteed. They don't realise we're in the wild wild west here of financials. We're like, two steps from the gallows and one step in the saloon bar. 

I turn around the car park, I can't be done with any of it, I'm feeling close to tears the whole time and I decide to head to another supermarket. There should be a specific word, in the English language, that describes the instant depression that comes over you when you are in a sorry state of a mood and the weather is bad and the supermarket is so busy you can't swing a mini metro round. There should be one. 

The whole world seems to have been raining for days and the whole sky is grim and grey and it's exactly how I feel. And I just can't get a grip! I don't know. What the heck. I'm at another car park, this ones underground - again, totally full. It's driving me insane. God, I hate loads of people. I park up, sit in that God damn leather seat for 15 minutes, maybe more, finally turn the engine off and wait in a queue, hand resting on the top of my 25 week bump as I wait to use the cash machine. A youngish guy gives me a nice, friendly smile. I am thinking I smile back, I don't know how it looks when I am in the mood I'm in. An old, dishevelled looking lady arches into a cheap, beat up car. I'm thinking, she'll have more money than me. 

I get to check the account. No, not enough money for a full shop. Can you believe that? And I feel like the biggest p***k you ever did see, getting into that car of ours. And I resent it all, and I mourn it all at the same time. I don't want to lose anything, but I don't want the weight of any of it anymore. I almost feel like bursting into tears again, second time today. The car curse. 

My ego is there now. It's hard to go back. We've discussed moving for the past few years, and more so than ever, the age of our eldest son has pushed us into making a decision now, because we are both adamant we will not let him start school here only to pull him out, move, turn his world upside down and then start a new school all over again. So now time is against us to sell our house and hopefully move to the country. House for sale, financial turmoil, in and out, pregnancy, young kids. Maybe it is all just catching up on me and on this wet, stupid, stupid day. 

It's not even as if we will be downgrading. The house, I mean. This is the ridiculous thing. It's all so pitiful, my slump. Because, we can now afford triple what we originally could only 5 years ago. I should be happy! You know, no one is going to feel sorry for you when you have to "downgrade" to maybe a £60,000 car. Because, there will be no room in our current one for three car seats. And, it's kinda not appropriate anyway anymore. 

Honestly, the most pitiful, s****y person at the moment. And D is always so optimistic, as always, and he always pulls it through. And this isn't even the first time something like this has happened. It's just now, I know a bit more I guess, because I asked, but also because we've had the biggest hit we've ever had, financially, pandemic wise. The economy was a little, unsure. Seriously wealthy customers, they never stopped buying because they aren't affected by things like this, they have money no matter what.

I just hate it. Talking about it, thinking about it. I'm tired of money. Chasing things, wanting things. The majority of my thoughts seem to be about, what next, what do we need, what can I get my hands on. It's a recipe for an unsatisfied soul. No good comes of this. We all know this as well. I know this. Why do I do it? And why do I still, after all is said and done, wake up the next day and think about more. Always more. I should be thinking about less. That was exactly what our conversation was about.

Sometimes I wonder, who pushes who? Yes, D has always been ambitious and yes, he has always been self sufficient but also, so have I, in my own way. But, would he have stopped at a certain point, content, if I hadn't been here just silently willing him? Sometimes I feel this massive sense of guilt and shame, I don't know, does it come from the realisation that I could be the cause of pushing things too far? 

We've had talks now since. Mostly always to do with the children. What type of lifestyle is best for them. A nice, quiet, residential lifestyle, with other families surrounding us. Countryside, village school. That type of thing. Of course we both agree, but I can't help it, there is a horrible, selfish piece stuck deep inside of me that craves glamour, craves excitement, craves drama in it all. I like the theatrics of an amped up life. 

Now I look up to shelves in our kitchen full of rows and rows of champagne and cocktail glasses. Always need running through the dishwasher every couple of months; they become laced with dust. It's a shadow of a past lifestyle. Do I actually want to go back there? No. Do I mourn it a little? Yes. 

You would think through all of this talk that I absolutely hated being a mother and was the most terrible person. Maybe I am. But the previous thing, no, never. There is not a hint of hate about it. Being a mother is the best gift and privilege I have ever been granted. The thing is, I just need to let go and be happy to start something fresh, family orientated and maybe yes, maybe a little more boring. Maybe a bit more routine and yes, maybe with a little less glamour. It doesn't hurt me any less to say that but I know it is the right and the responsible thing to do. 

Maybe I just need some sleep. If D were awake right now, he'd tell me to go take a nap. Don't say another thing, take a nap. I get into a funk where I just want to talk and talk and talk and nothing positive ever comes from it, or I want to just let myself be while the kids are in bed and allow myself a cry, pathetic as it is. God, it's so pathetic. I hate these moods. I just hate this stress. Why am I so God damn addicted too it?! I can't stand it! Doesn't everyone just want a quiet life anyway?! I do! So why do I rile against it?! 

This is the first and last time I ever want to talk about the God damn paper bill. 


"Money isn't real, George. It doesn't matter. It only seems like it does."

- Fred Jung, 'Blow'

On 5/2/2021 at 6:11 PM, HeartGoesOn said:

Your ability to write is amazing, Lo!

HeartGoesOn,

You are really too kind, really! But, I gotta say thank you. Thanks for reading my nonsense! 

Lo x

Anyone remember The SIMS?

Being popular must be the most tasteless insult anyone can suffer. 

On 5/5/2021 at 3:02 AM, dias said:

You are quite a naughty Lolita, aren't you😎 It's because you are a December babe like me, besides good looking we are kinky too😎

 

Not really my darling😎 especially outside of the fitness industry

On this we agree. The reason I liked the girl from my previous job this much is because we had chemistry, the same sense of humor and she was as witty and playful as me! She intrigued me. She was good looking of course (sorry that's necessary) but it was mostly because she mentally stimulated me. Very difficult to find a person like this. But you got lucky, I am happy for you 🙂

I am too lazy even for that lol. I don't even have any sexual fantasies left, I realized them all in my early twenties. Now I only bother if I am mentally intrigued by someone/something which happens very rarely. I will die alone in the gym lol

I am laughing here Dias, speak for yourself dear, but how do you know I'm even good looking? 😉

And the 6 pack thing! I definitely do not mean to degrade your efforts Dias, I think it's great, being into something so positive and healthy! I am a little jealous really, I have never been one for exercise AT ALL! Just running my mouth! HA! So anyone who just loves working out, I kinda envy them. I'm secretly like, gimme some of that enthusiasm while I just say I get enough cardio from running around a house that has 6 flights of stairs with a hoover most days! 

No, my husband actually had an 8 pack when I met him 😉 I will always remember the first time he peeled off his shirt. I would never have known. He just looked trim and well built in clothes. But he was an avid boxer at a boxing gym at the time, ran everywhere and mostly swam a lot as well. He kind of is naturally like that anyway. Even though, now, turning 40 this month, yes, he's put on a few Dad pounds I will give him that but you can see, under that stocky bulk, there is the faded structure of someone who was once very fit. But, I am kinda a weird girl y'know because I absolutely think James Galdofini who played Tony Soprano in 'The Sopranos' is one of my major crushes. That over weight but still naturally strong, older, hulking kinda man. YES! So you could say, I don't mind a quote on quote, "Dad Bod"!!!

But anyway! Enough about that, you'll find love, if love is your priority. 

Best of luck for this month, you seem to have something brewing!

Fingers crossed!

Lo x

On 5/4/2021 at 11:35 PM, Jibralta said:

Those pictures are from 12 years ago, so that makes sense!

What kind of wedding did you have? 

Well I am sure you just have that sought after "youthful glow!" 

And I got married at 24 after 3 years of being engaged, D was 33 at the time. We had hardly any money, we were renting a beautiful, historic but in need to tender care town house that had been converted into a flat, the two top floors we were on. D's business, although running at that time for 9 years, wasn't anything near where it was now. We knew a lot of glamorous and very wealthy people through his work selling art, fossils, minerals and antiques and most of them had become friends.

One of these ladies owned a house in London which was more actually a small mansion. She had been married to a top banker who had helped set up the banking firm he worked for in Hong Kong. They had been, in her own words, "awash with money". She had an affair, he divorced her and only left her the house and the funds to support her children who were in boarding school at the time. This meant she owned this majestic house with beautiful garden grounds, a chauffeurs house, a meadow and a stone flagged outdoor swimming pool but no money to barely keep it. One day we were staying over for a party (she used to have loads, we met some famous people there, her parties were always, a guarantee, interest!!!) and she just said suddenly, arms open and her wine spilling everywhere, "WHY DON'T YOU GET MARRIED HERE IN THE GARDEN!"

So, to cut along story short, I went to stay with her a month before our ceremony there in her grounds. For her letting us hold an event there, myself and about 8 other neighbours worked for 3 weeks straight during the summer getting her garden and pool back up to near their former glory! We hired a lovely linen marquee. In her garden, she had this stone building that looked like curved wooden seats under a thatched roof around a fire pit, but it's a huge glorified BBQ! So for food, we had a big BBQ! She had a beautiful butchers near her house in the town so we got gorgeous meat, had venison burgers, salad, chicken roasted on the pit and things it was awesome. Glamorous as it gets but as relaxed as can be.

I was wearing a £250 dress! D was in a secondhand navy suit! We had a friend who played cello and classical guitar to play music as I walked down our little make-shift aisle in the marquee. We only had 35 people there, mostly friends. Our only major expense was, we bought all the alcohol! And of course, everyone decided they would drink champagne all day until we ran dry! Everyone jumped into the pool when it got dark. I was nearly thrown in 😉 Our friend, who was D's best man at the time and worked for him as a photographer, photographed the wedding as a wedding present.

Only minor bums were this: we couldn't get a wedding license for her private home, so we did go sign legal marriage documents without anyone knowing a few months beforehand. No one knew about this and everyone presumed it was a legal ceremony at the house but technically it was just an exchanging of vows. But, we always see that day as our real day. My Uncle, who was a judge at the time, was the officiant at our wedding. It was all very personal, there wasn't a single person there who we didn't know, no staff, etc. 

Other minor bummer was, since that day 7 years ago, we have fell out with pretty much most of the people who were there who were friends! It's so sad, but everyone has just changed, gone different ways in life, think different things. So sometimes, as fantastic and casual and in the moment as our wedding photos are, I find them bittersweet, because most of the faces in them are no longer around.

I would totally recommend just having your day exactly how you want it!

Lo x

9 hours ago, dias said:

You know, surveys don't prove much, they are only indicators, data can be manipulated however you want in order to produce the results you want, I did it in my dissertation for my Master's degree and I got a good grade  lol  (and it is a reputable university in the UK)

One could find 1 million issues with this survey. There are too many parameters to consider in real life that a survey can't take into account.  

1)What kind of people participated in the survey? What was their age? Were they only from Utah where most Mormons are? Did they identify as religious? If yes, were they really religious or just "pretending" to be ? How do you know the participants told the truth about the number of partners? Men almost always exaggerate and women almost always understate the number of partners they had. 21+ partners for women? not even a hooker would admit that. 

2)I find it bizarre that the percentage for MEN is so much higher compared to women with only one partner. I mean, women ok I can understand this due to nature but for men? And if you observe the percentage for men is higher throughout the whole x axis. Hmmm, so women are generally less happy in their marriage than men, imagine that, and it's women who want to get married so badly, it does not make sense but again nothing makes sense in this world...dunno..

3)You could say this graph proves that ignorance is a bliss, the less partners you had the better, yes maybe because you have nothing to compare to. Maybe that's a good thing, if it works it works. 

I don't know MB, I am not a naysayer but I don't take surveys too seriously because I know how easy it is to produce the result you want.

Dias!

Can I also add a little curve ball to this very interesting discussion!

I actually believe men are much more romantic than believed, and most the men I know (all none religious) all want to find someone to settle down and marry, even if they are casually screwing around, they are still searching for that one, just like the general woman! I also find, people say, oh, it’s the woman that pushes for children! Again, I have heard so many men who say, “I want another baby, but my wife doesn’t want anymore and she wants me to get the snip” or “I’d keep having them but I’m not the one who has the pop them out!” 
 

Yes, men are definitely more likely to have more casual partners. When I met my husband, he had just come out of a 7 year relationship but in the 6 months he had been without her he had had countless one night stands and even had a regular f**k buddy! I never actually asked him an exact figure but it was over 10 plus the regular girl. Before his other long term girlfriend he had another semi-serious girlfriend of a year he saw between the ages of 15 to 16 and then a short break again with a casual partner or two before his 7 year relationship which he was completely faithful in.

I know he is just as happy with me as I am him and I only had one date before him and then he was my first everything and the only other guy I ever dated! But then, being a lap dancer for 3 years, I have had plenty of other types of experience with men and I’m not naive! I don’t know if I ever wrote about this in my journal, probably not, but between the ages of me being 19 and 24, me and my husband, then engaged, would be at upmarket sex parties once every couple of months and used to jointly webcam other couples on the regular from those clubs we got to know and all sorts of cheeky fun mischief! So you can say, I have experienced other men sexually (not fully all the way but everything else!) and other women as well, since my husband, but erm, without going into too much detail, my mind was never changed 😉 and neither was his 😉 14 years on and with his plenty experience and my plenty experience but whilst with him, we are still feeling like we are on our... third date... 🤣

Matches are out there to be made! Even if you end up making a well kinky pair!!!! 
 

Lo x

PS - can I just soppily add, that when you truly fall in love with someone, it is beyond physical. You worship that persons mind. There are ten a dozen six packs out there and plenty more mini waisted hour glasses. This can and will all fade long term. Where the connection lies is in the unique thing that you will never replicate which is, that persons “spirit” or mind or, whatever you want to call it. But you know when you find it that you can’t get yourself another one. They get you, you get them, a meeting of mind, body and soul, and when you find that you realise the odds of lightening have struck in your small and insignificant favour and if you have half a brain left you hold onto such a precious cargo with all your being and will! 
 

And, if you regret not going into porn 🤣 another prime addition to add 🤣 I know a few porn actresses and y’know, most of them end up regretting it in some way, especially once they have kids. Keep with the programming. I think you made a wise decision there. 
 

If you get sick of the dating game I guess you always have options 🤣🤣🤣

Lo! x

2 hours ago, dias said:

I am bored. My manager told me to take it slow, I am pushing for the project more than him. Not because I care but because I don't have anything to do in my life....

I can't exercise more, my body can't handle more. It's the only thing that really excites me, I can't wait for the next day to exercise again. If only I had the same obsession in something more productive. I guess this is how Elon Musk feels about skyrockets lol. Moreover,  I can't really find any other spots for photography in Norwich. I have to take daily trips in Norfolk. Hopefully the theater will open soon. Tinder is not working either...

Most meet-up groups haven't started organizing anything yet, there is only one for my age group and they organize only online events. I don't like virtual events, I have my job for this. 

I can't handle boredom, I need to be doing something all the time, I can't stand still. This is when the issues begin, if I don't have anything to do I start daydreaming about travelling. And it usually does not end up well because I am crazy enough to do what I daydream. 

I don't have any interesting business ideas either, my brain is as blank as a white paper. 

Imagine if I were doing cocaine, I would be running around the UK like a maniac. 

 

 

 

 

You are naturally coked 😎

9 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

You're right, it's totally different from what men experience.  Y'all really do have it harder.  

Hey you can laugh, but it was a huge deal for me at 17😂  You'd think my faith would drive a normal Atheist crazy 😂!  So we were a very strange match, imo, but he was very in love with me for some reason, and I was crazy about him.  If we'd been having sex, I'm almost certain we would have married eventually, and then been up sh*t creek when trying to raise our kids religious or Atheist!  He'd already gotten me to meet his parents, and they had met in high school and were passionately in love, and he did keep reaching out during college and once when I was married and had social media, so the feelings were intense, even without sex.

That's the thing about sex....  Without sex with these other guys, I was able to let them go at the first signs it wouldn't really work out.  It led to smarter, more efficient dating, imo.  Sex can cloud a woman's judgment ability, make her stay too long when she should leave, and *here's the kicker no one talks about* probably get her to marry the wrong man.

Bliss! This is such an interesting point!

Fab info by the way - sorry Dias all this marriage talk from us old age women on your single and ready to mingle blog! 🥲

Just as a little something Bliss! I am an atheist as you know, and we don’t personally bring up our children “atheist” at all. We teach them to the best ability about all major religions and some more out there ones and then we add but some people don’t believe any of it or are simply unsure and this is called agnostic (I haven’t told any of this to even my eldest who is 3 yet though). So our philosophy is, instead of raising up a Catholic child or a Hindu child or an atheist child we are going to try and do our best from every angle and then basically say, this is what lots of different people believe across the world, what do you think? 
 

If my children decided from that they wanted to have a faith of any kind, I wouldn’t mind. I am trying to keep their minds as open as possible and just to simply, let them decide when they are ready. I know that may sound new age wishy washy but I feel this is the most neutral stand point and I guess it’s kinda just how we have decided to approach faith and religion. They know some of the mums I know, that their kids go to church and I did explain what they do in church once, and a playgroup we used to go to before covid was held in a community church but it was just a venue for the kids to play, there were no sermons etc.

Your atheist alternative universe husband may of had the same approach as I would have but I understand where it gets complicated if you wanted to teach them the Bible was the truth right from the off, there may be conflict there definitely, I can see that 😌

But unlike many atheists I know, our bookcase has the good old King James Version right there on the shelf along with the Quran and some books on Buddhism and one on Jainism even. My husbands uncle is also a Quaker which I believe is a branch of Protestant Christianity? My parents were Methodist but my husbands cousins are also Catholic and as you are probably aware a Catholic wedding and christening is quite a different affair to a Methodist one!

But as we both have come to agree, we weirdly seem to get on with our opposites ☺️ Maybe in the next life, I will be born a Christian, LOL! But then I don’t believe in karma either so I doubt there’s no next anything for me, if there is, I’m sure I’ll be coming back a blade of grass. Peace and quiet for once! HA! 
 

Sorry Dias, this is the last time I’m gonna hijack your pages like this carry on, sorry for interrupting the flow!

Lo x

Jibralta! 
 

You are 44! Get outta here girl!!! You look about 25 in your pictures! Oh my lawd! What is your secret then?! 
 

An elopement sounds very romantic and I had as close as you could get to that whilst still having a “day” but if I did it again? Y’know, I probably would’ve done it exactly how you might! Well, you just never know 😉 I am waiting on an eNotalone wedding!!!

Lo x

1 minute ago, dias said:

We are on the same page my darling😎😎😎

Just extra stuff that’s not needed right?! 😙

On 5/1/2021 at 1:39 PM, Jibralta said:

It'll be nine years in July. As for marriage... we keep saying we will. But somehow we never do. It'll probably go the way of Toby Jones here, "Together 26, married 1..."

 

Jibralta!

Hey that is along time! I know everyone has a different attitude to settling down. Well, what you two are doing is working! How old are you can I ask? My God! I am nosey! 🥲

I always remember reading a post in your journal describing you coming home, tired, and Arnie being the cook he is rustling you up something and having a glass of wine! I totally got this image in my head about it and it gave me the chillest, cosiest vibes! 
 

If you were to get married, what type of wedding do you think you would want?
 

Lo x

13 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said:

I don't know Dias... statistically, if a female stays with her first partner, she literally has a 94% success rate, only 6% divorce in those first 1-10 years.

I'm betting that goes up a bit in the years I'm in right now (the REALLY hard babies/young toddlers/husband's career taking off so he's not here as much)... divorce probably goes up to 8-10% in years 10-20, maybe even higher(?), but then I think after a certain point, it goes dramatically back down for couples in this group (who married their 1st everything).  After 25 years I'm sure it goes back down to around 6%, and then after 30 years, probably goes down to 1-3% which is just incredible when you think about those odds being in your favor.

 

Hard to argue with that 94% success rate and happiness reports (sexual happiness).  This group also has less cheating, too.

This is very interesting Marital!

I would be curious what portion people of religious faith make up the 94%. My gut feeling is the majority! 
 

Lo x

Good morning Dias!

And no, no not at all! I am a big ridiculous romantic so I feel the urge to stick up for love 🥲 I can understand where you are coming from completely, I get it, and mine and Marital’s situations are quite unusual.

The cold approach, ahhh! So there’s a name now for simply just meeting a woman face to face 😉 I would never advise to trying to get as many numbers or speak to as many as you can. For me going out or looking is all about knowing exactly what you want and knowing when you’ve found it and being extremely picky, if it is a relationship you’re after that is. 
 

I am very unusual I imagine as Marital comes from (I am presuming Marital!) a religious background and in that instance it is much more likely you remain a virgin and settle down very early on. In my little secular world of millennial liberals I am a very strange thing because I know of no one else who has married the first guy they kissed! But! People presume that I took the first thing I was offered, or was so star struck because he was my first everything that I couldn’t possibly of had any clear judgement. And I get that! I can see why people would think that!

But I had been on a date before (reluctantly, only one ever in college just due to weakness over peer pressure), and it was God awful! The guy was not interested, all he was interested in was cracking jokes with his mate he brought along, going golf club shopping and trying out his swing or whatever they call it and then at the end kind of forcefully trying to get in my knickers! Didn’t go well! Before then at 16 I had actually had a marriage proposal from the only other guy I knew so young who seemed to have a genuine infatuation with me over a few years of school. He was a very passionate kinda guy who’s father had died when he was young and he was also the class clown. I think on some level of personality we were probably well matched but he was insanely brooding and there was a side of him that was very dark to me so, that never came of anything and he never forgave me and pretended he didn’t even know my name after that.

What I guess I’m trying to say is, I’d made up my mind that I wouldn’t just date or hook up casually, that the person I decided to be serious about I would want to marry (I never told any guy this it was just an unspoken idea in my head), and, at 18 I think I got lucky. Some people would say that is old and at the time it seemed like a lifetime to wait but I can’t help but tell you, it felt like a sure thing right from the moment he laid eyes on me and I just knew!

I always presumed this was all a tall order I had set myself so I resigned my future to probably being eternally single, maybe renting a little cottage in the middle of the countryside to be alone, maybe being able to buy a secondhand vintage car, maybe writing, maybe doing all sorts of odds and ends for work I don’t know but I did realise it was a big, big ask. I was prepared to go down with the ship if I couldn’t find what I wanted 🤣 

In an alternative universe, I am a 31 year old virgin messaging you here from a moss covered hovel that should belong in a Beatrix Potter story! 
 

Dias! Don’t sell yourself short and don’t give up the chase! I wish you all the best of luck whatever you are after. I know not everyone wants marriage and kids and a white picket fence so y’know, if it’s just a couple of amazing dates and that is your goal then I honestly hope you all success ☺️
 

And well done in your hard work exercise wise - my God! I wish I was into running! HA! You seem very driven, once you get into something, I get the impression you are like that in regards to your work as well? What do you do, can I ask? 
 

Your morning sounds perfect! 
 

And ahh, if you did, I never knew her! My real name isn’t Lolita. No, I’m far too outstanding and important to reveal anything about my real identity 😉 Lolita is a pseudonym. 
 

“She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.”

Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

x

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

- André Gide, Autumn Leaves

37 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Thank you ❤️

Yes, still going strong! 💕

Fabulous!!!

How long have you been together now!? And, can I ask, is marriage on the cards? 😉😉😉

Lo x

On 4/28/2021 at 6:33 PM, Jibralta said:

Back in the summer of 2009, I did a semester abroad in Italy. We started out in Rome for two weeks, stopped off in Naples for a day or two, and then spent the remaining 6 weeks or so in Siena.

Even though we were only in Naples for a brief amount of time, I have a couple really good memories of the place. The first is travelling by metro up to Castel Sant'Elmo, and then walking down the switchback roads through the little neighborhood on the side of the hill to return to the city via Spaccanapoli.

The second memory is of these dogs that I met outside of the Museo Archeologico Nazionale di Napoli, right as we entered the Galleria on our way back to the hotels (and the bus to Tuscany) that morning. I think this one is my favorite memory.

I guess about 15 students (including myself) had gone to the museum to fill the time between breakfast and our departure to Siena. On the way into the museum, I happened to turn and look back onto the street. I noticed a man and a woman walking down the street with two dogs trotting companionably alongside them. The dogs had no leashes, but they were perfectly heeled and well-behaved. What a pleasant contrast it was to the leash laws that I was used to!

When we got out of the museum an hour or so later, I noticed the same two dogs wandering around the entrance to the Galleria. My classmates strolled by the dogs, but I hung back a bit, looking for the dogs' owners. It didn't take long for me to realize that they were both strays. I beckoned the dogs to me, and gave them each a good scratch. 

After that, the dogs accompanied our group as we made our way back to our hotels. I was delighted. My classmates were delighted. Some of them were also worried about the dogs. One dog was slightly smaller and thinner than the other--some people felt it must be malnourished. So, they bought some snacks from a vendor, and they bought some water. They offered it to the dogs, but the dogs weren't really interested. That made people worry even more.

But then we approached the open expanse of the Piazza Dante. The dogs took notice of the pigeons pecking around on the ground. Any misgivings about the dogs' health vanished as we watched both dogs rocket into the Piazza at top speed, after the birds. The smaller dog flew over a park bench like it was nothing. Pedestrians were startled to see the charging dogs, and groups of pigeons erupting into the air.

And that was the end of or little interlude. The humans went our respective ways to our hotels, and the dogs resumed their tour through Naples. They weren't beggars; they just wanted to hang out. Darling things. ❤️

Jibralta, 

You have always been a babe and a cutie! I am sorry I think I’ve missed so much but, are you still with Arnie? 
 

Best,

Lo x

Have you ever lived? Y’know, really lived, for even just a day?

Wearing underwear is reserved for people who turn out the light when they have sex 😎

Such a beautiful day, definitely best spent inside.

x

On 4/25/2021 at 7:48 PM, dias said:

I matched with a Greek girl from Athens on Tinder (she lives in Norwich). She messaged me first which never happened to me before on Tinder so I thought she would be interested for real. We studied at the same uni back in Athens, she came with the exchange program a few years ago and stayed in Norwich since then. Normally I have a rule, I am willing to date every race except Greek, my mother is more than enough, a second Greek woman in my life and I would end up like Leonardo Dicaprio in Shutter Island lol. However, she seemed very very pretty in the photos which made me bend my rule momentarily hahaha. Can't help it, I have a weakness for beauty. 

Anyway, we texted 6 hours straight non-stop. I asked her for a coffee and she replied "Mmm no..". I am like *** we spent 6 hours texting and you messaged me first. Why people are looking for pen pals on Tinder? There are websites for that. Tinder is for "meeting" people online so you can go for a coffee in real life, not for pen palling. 

During the "conversation" we talked about cultural differences, dating etc and she asked me why British girls get a mortgage at 22 and have 3 kids by 26. There is no why, this is the culture here. I don't get it either, they don't want to live a bit without obligations, meet and date more people than their childhood sweetheart? Greeks are on the other extreme but this is a conversation for another time. 

The girl from the previous job has been with her boyfriend (first boyfriend I think) since they were 18 years old, at 23-24 they have a mortgage together. I mean even if the guy is great, how does she know, she has nobody else to compare. She hasn't test-driven me for example, maybe she could have more fun with me lol. 

The example with the ice cream is perfect. There are countless flavors and you stick with the first one you tried by chance your whole life. Even if the first flavor is chocolate, how do you know it's the best since you haven't tried other flavors? And maybe you are crazy and you like Pistachio and not chocolate, how do you know? There is no time to try everything but come on, at least try a few...No curiosity whatsoever?

 

 

Because when you take a breath of air after being underwater so long, you will never doubt oxygen is the thing for you my friend 😉 That to me is what finding true love is like, when you know, you know! 
 

Modern dating culture makes my head spin! Never been on a dating site, I think I am too much of a “real life” kinda gal when it comes to something that relies on so much chemical reaction and body language. How have you been finding the online market? 
 

Any luck with the old school way of, head out to a bar and see who catches your eye?😙

Lo x