mylolita

Spent a pleasant, warm, summers afternoon triggering the s***t out of my younger sister via text.

I am 31, I should know better. But get this, Liberal Millennial Logic 101: If it is an opinion or fact I agree with, it is a moral, lovely, virtuous opinion and a correct, unquestionable and useful fact. If it is an opinion or fact I do NOT agree with, it is a hateful, spiteful, stupid opinion and an extremely biased, untrue and unproven non-fact. Can't be fact. Because I don't agree with that fact. So there.

This is the attitude from a... I would say a woman, but more like a girl, who is about to turn 30 in November. 

Now, I have never been the sharpest tool in the shed. I'm no visionary. No big thinker. But! Compared to her! Frazzle my hair and call me Albert God damn Einstein, because we are looking at a fortified genius next to this jumped up know it all.

I have realised in my old, old, sage age of 31 (ha), that I have a few pet hates in life, and these pet hates, man, do they grind my gears when they appear and I just can't tell you why. Sure, there is plenty that she hates about me, it is no secret, and again, not everyones morning cup of char myself, but this sibling! Yikes! Honestly. Now I can see why people like the backup of a spare to choose from!

Anyway, my pet hate. Yes. THE PET HATE. The "siiiiiggggggghhh", "oookaaaaay, so, you're obViOuSlY too STOOPID to get on my level and understand this but, siiiiiiigggghhh, inhale of breath (so tedious), I guess I will attempt to explain why I know absolutely EVERYTHING too you, stupid idiot, and yes, thank me later, I'm so great and above it all and overall just a great lovely person yes yes."

THAT MENTALITY.

What my younger little sister also forgets after we don't speak for a year or two is that I grew up with her, shared a room with her, 18 years, top bunk. I KNOW her maybe more than anyone may just ever know her, because she is very dishonest and wears many a masks to many different people. What she also forgets is, we have had plenty of historic, verbal boxing matches before, and she also forgets that I know exactly how she plays dirty, and that her tricks don't work on me. Oh no! Remember, I got 2 years on you. I know exactly what made you scared in the night, I know all your wicked thoughts and I also know ya tried to practice kissing on me. I know a whole slew of things that were found out and then accompanied by a frantic "BUT PLEASE DON'T TELL MUM OR DAD". I got the dirt, I just don't use it, but it's been so long, she sometimes forgets that. Fatal error in a verbal argument from lil sis perspective. Cos she ain't got me!

But back to her superior knowledge on everything. 

Somehow, she has been there, done it all, nows it all, and will tell you all about it and by the way, you wrong sista! Even if the topic is children. Which, by the way, she has none. Not one. 

Now, I know I am not exactly a veteran hardcore parent here. Two toddlers, 3.5 boy and girl turning 2, one on the way, any minute now. Only 7 years of marriage to speak of, lived with the Mr for 14 years altogether though but honestly, on the topic of raising young kids and marriage I am in my infancy.

But the gall! She tells me she knows it all and this is how it's done regarding marriage and kids and completely disregards any advice or experience or opinion I have but she is just so high flying and has it all together and everything will be so much easier for her of course because unlike stupid silly me, she already worked it all out, before ever getting married or even y'know, knowing what that might mean and represent to anyone else or, ever even been with a toddler for more than an hour in her life, let alone experienced a committed relationship raising children and having to stick it together and actually work on your problems and take the amazing with the terrible. No, she knows it, I don't, and by the way? If I suggest I may be able to trump her knowledge on this topic with a lil bit of that silly thing called real life experience, the human kind, the real life kind?

I am hateful, a monster, and yes, I am going to Mum and Dad to tell on you. SO THERE.

And she's nearly 30.

An afternoon well spent with the kids off my hands to argue with my sister? Maybe. Am I relaxed? Not sure. Have I just slightly balanced the scales of justice in the world and simply been honest because deep down I care about her life and want the best for her and want her to avoid any mistakes I may have made? Most definitely.  Would she ever see it that way, even though I tell her that is my motivation and intention? Most definitely not.

The best thing about it is, the freedom of not giving a flying fig about how she perceives me because she already hates me and we already dislike each other means she sometimes forgets I feel okay saying exactly what's on my mind to her. 

Whoops.

Maybe I was just in a mood. Who knows. I'm so tired of veiling my words and giving quarter, half, smidgen truths to everyone to pump up their egos. 

I wish someone respected me enough to give me the cold, hard, beautiful truth and tell it too me exactly how it is, exactly how they feel it. The only person who has ever done that is Mr A and damn, that's why we're married. But then again, as my sister says, it's just a piece of paper that don't mean nothin'.

So if it don't mean nothin' sister, then why don't you just flippantly do it anyway then?

As Bowie once said, "Don't tell me truth hurts little girl, cos it hurts like hell".

And I'm not even a fan of David Bowie.

Over and out x

Jib,

That was the first car my husband ever bought me, I was 22 just passed my test it was a Christmas present. Awesome car, totally nuts, definitely Italian! 
 

Hope you’re well x

Been thinking a lot like I do and especially when I get melancholy.

I don't know why some people seem to like me. Through all my obvious faults and ravings and selfishness. Why and how? I swear, it sometimes seems almost sexual. I get some kind of sexual tension vibe going on. This is often from girls.

I once met another Mum who had lolled casually in her arms what looked like a small baby but on instant second glance was obviously older but had something developmentally wrong. Wrongly or rightly, I felt pity well up from my stomach teamed with a kind of revulsion for this hippy lady before me. She was a bit younger looking than me, sloppy and messy, her pram seat covered in crumbs and food and the wheels I saw, a lovely lick of dog poo nudged into the treads. Bra strap slumped down over her shoulder, dark red hair scooped up in a hurried banana clip with spiked straight pieces poking and spilling out the gaps of the plastic. Bright blue eye makeup smudged on, odd miss matched, brightly coloured socks, rock climbing trainers.

We got talking like chalk and cheese. I knew she was very friendly and my first impression of her was; childlike, but extremely lovely and kind, and I felt bad for how I felt towards her. I didn't feel worthy talking to her. I definitely didn't plan on becoming friends. I knew she was a better person than me straight away. I wasn't hesitant because of her son or how she looked, that didn't really matter to me really, but, I knew our personalities were a million solar systems away. She had this innocence to her, it kinda hit you in the face, made you want to take her in, shield her forever and also warn her of the perils of life all at once. 

She attached herself to me like I was a celebrity and she was heading up the fan club. Everytime I went to the library with my son and my brand new lil baby girl, she would shower me endlessly and embarrassingly with over the top, gushing compliments. She wanted my advice and opinion on everything. She tried to copy me. It pained me. It made me dreadfully sad.

She got taking to calling me which I liked at first, never had someone who wanted to talk to me for hours over the phone but it started feeling like she was getting something from me I knew nothing about and I was left feeling as if I'd paid out or something weird. Besides the point, I once told her she shouldn't ever put herself down because honestly, you are really great and pretty and don't ever feel you are less than that. I really meant it as well. She did have a natural, unaware and carefree beauty.

Sometimes, I would find myself wishing I was more like her, wanting her advice, kind of, envying her life in some ways, but it was always mixed with this horrible pity and I just knew I couldn't pity a true friend. And why should she have my pity anyway?! She probably pitied me. I was no better than her in any way. The dynamic was all wrong.

She once turned to me and said, joyously, with these girlie crush eyes all big and lit up that, "It's very rare you meet someone as exciting as you."

I didn't know what to say. I've had some blinders in my time but exciting, I don't think I am. I have been told glamorous, but for some reason, I never really take that as the compliment it is intended to be. It always makes me think "glamorous = conceited" and they have seen right through me all at once into my shallow soul.

The bitter part of all of this is we fell out, like I always do with pretty much every other mother I've ever met or who kind of, attaches themselves too me. It wasn't even her fault. It never is. She was just being her. She had her opinions, I had mine, they didn't match on certain things and one day I cruelly told her I didn't want to hear it and that was that.

A couple of rainy, dull months passed. I knew she would be manically and addictively running every morning and would stop when she got to our house. I found a wet envelope fallen in front of our door one morning. It was a card from her. In childish scrawl: "I hope you are well. Thinking of you, love...." and she had doodled in her naive and innocent style a basic picture of her, her husband and her son, waving. I can't tell you how sad it made me feel.

After our argument and how wrong I had been, she still wanted to be there and talk with me and send me her silly drawings and honestly, it just broke my heart. I knew we would never work but it made me think, it's not her, it's me. I'm the problem. I'm the childish one. 

Too proud to write her back. 

All she ever said was, "You're so cool, you're so cool..."

x

It all started off about a week ago when my Dad sat across the room from me, half laughed and said, "I'm glad I'm not married to you."

I had put the kids down on their naps and we were having what began as a casual conversation. My Dad is KING of the most phoney, lame, horrible and forced small talk you wouldn't even wish on your worse enemy. Makes you want to say something totally outrageous just to zap him out of his fake zombie gauntlet of questions he doesn't even care for the answer too.

Anyway, this is how it started out. He asked me how I was. I said, sick of bills. Have bills coming out of our ears. Really what I meant was, completely stressed financially and personally, feeling unstable and unsure about our future, heavily pregnant, not wanting to be bothered by any of it and especially not wanting to be asked to take a turn through the pleasantry mill by my socially awkward father.

D came in around this time and I just pressed on and explained we were under a bit of stress (not that he would have any real clue), and that, oh ho ho ho, I make a small joke, D will be losing the hair on his eyebrows next because I keep making demands on him. That's when my Dad said the next piece.

Now I don't know why, but I found it creepy, and cutting, all at the same time. I didn't like it, not one bit. He then went on:

"I always think, I'm glad I married your mother because she never pressured me to go further and she never wanted more. She has always been happy with what we've had..." and everything else he followed on with kind of echoed away as my mind instantly drifted into young childhood memories I had almost forgotten even happened of, my Mum in tears because my Dad had opened up their monthly credit card bill and she had gone over or, tears and stress as he discovered in the cupboard low and behold, a branded version of a food thing. I thought, you complete and utter b********r. Typical, typical, typical. My Mum always wanted more but was too pathetic and submissive to ever express that.

My Mum is weak. My Mum took what she was always given without question. My Mum is very stupid, on paper and to talk too. My Mum is devious, mischievous, meddling and b****y. Without a spine or brain of her own, she has only confronted her wants and needs to my father what seems like quick little flashes in the windscreen on a rainy night from a passing bus. And my Dad was the puddle, coming up to soak the pedestrian. And that pedestrian was and is, my Mum.

All at once I wish, like always, I never said anything. Why give them a shred. Why. They always use it to simply attack you with it. People seem to ignite in delight at any sign of struggle or discontent. People all along the close edges of my life, seemingly wiling me, hoping, for my failure. Or similar, to say, I told you so, I was right, I have the correct way, now don't you go trying to go do what you want and live how you want again. Rules are rules. And my rules, rule.

I brush it off. I don't even defend myself. Why should I, I have nothing to apologise for. But the fights later on were because maybe I thought, in a horrible attack of rare conscience, that I DO have something to apologise for. And definitely not to someone like my Dad, but to my husband. 

The night kind of erupted in a horrible battle of words between me and D. Me saying how unhappy I was with everything, how stressed I felt, how unsatisfied and feeling like a total a*****e I was still living in this house and continuing our lifestyle that we apparently can no longer afford. It ended in me, being held by my husband, crying pathetically like a pregnant, spunky and spoilt 31 year old woman girl can only do whilst looking up to the chandelier above my head thinking, "F**k you, Jonathan Adler. F**k you."

I thought that was the end, and probably so did D. Wrong. Once I get going, the pity party doesn't seem to stop, the train leaves the station but carries on somewhere else and it's a rolling buffet in the carriage and I CAN'T GET OFF and I CAN'T STOP taking a bite outta it. It's horrible. And completely shameful when the morning comes and you wake up with the memory of what you said and how you behaved and how you sounded. But still, I do it. 

Argument seemed to climax as we headed up another two floors and decided to take it up into the higher parts of the house where D asked my back, "What are you DOING?!" 

He can see me frantically rummaging around in the spare lead drawer of this antique chest and the whole thing is pulled out and I'm dishevelled and trying to unwind and cast free this laptop charger from the binds of the rest of all the other cables. Through my dramatic but very real at the time tears I managed to get out, "Getting the laptop charger!" And he says, "GOD WHY?!" And he probably thinks I want to hang myself with it or something. 

Pathetically I suddenly have realised, at 3am or even later than that, in the middle of an existential crisis, I am going to solve all our financial problems, take control finally of my life and start writing a frickin' novel because secretly I'm Charles b****y ***ens with curly red hair and I'm no longer going to be held back by him, aka the husband, my father, my cats mother mother or my sarcastic loser sister or my fake friends or my own desires or fears or any of it and this is obviously the way and by the way, yeah, YOU DON'T OWN ME I CAN MAKE IT ON MY OWN. So there.

You can see why I want to die in the morning when the sedate, pleasant English sun creeps through the windows and welcomes in another cereal and orange juice family day. And I have to go on with this in the knowledge of the display I put on the night before. Undoable and cannot be undone, which is the worst thing about all of it.

This was a whole week back. I don't know why I do it to myself. I invite my dreaded parents round again and I knew, dammit I just knew, I should never. I woke up in the worst mood. Dreadfully exhausted. I just wanted a day or half a days break. I just wanted to be with the kids with nothing much to do, or have D take them off me for a smidge so I could wallow in bed, try and nap and have the luxury of feeling sorry for myself.

I let my Dad help me. At the end of the day, knowing we are going to be moving in the near future he says, "Please Lola, don't pick an old house for your next move. You won't have us there to pick up the pieces."

Infuriated. They hardly help me and I never ask for it. We would rather pay for even basic jobs to be done then get my Dad to chip in with the odd end of DIY or screw tightening or whatever. I was furious all over again. Sounds of criticism filling my head.

I think I am very raw at the moment. Everything is offending me. I am taking everything highly, highly personal. Everything is an attack on my morals and character and life choices and I feel sheer anger bubbling up inside me at this perceived threat. I just wanted to tell him to forget it. It's a good job it's not his life and it's a good job it's not his money and it's a good job I never ask your help or even care to have you live close by anyway! Hell, I WANT to move further away! It would be a PRIZE.

Jesus! 

This house is well over 200 years old. It's beautiful. I love old buildings. Maybe they don't love me. I have an upkeep battle I have bitterly but respectfully waged with this property for over 6 years now. For their presence and elegance their structures need a bit of upkeep. But my God. Why can't they just say, it's looking great or, well done or, how about, not telling me kids how to act. How dare you. How about, answer the calls from your own 94 year old mother so she doesn't have to ring me distressed, because you play games and refuse to answer her for 4 days straight, and then smirk at me when I ask about it, and then tell Dad, within ear shot, that "Lola doesn't understand" as if I'm some idiot dummy who never spent a day growing up in this weird show of a family.

Finding irritation in so many things and so many people. I always do, shoot me down, maybe I'm a horrible person. I'm tired of trying to pretend I like everyone I meet. God, I definitely do not and why should I, even if they are my own parents. Maybe I should comment on their living situations and their life choices and see how they take it.

I wish I never told them anything. I mentioned I will probably have a home birth in about a month and a half, when our little wiggles is due. To my face, yes yes, great idea. Then I get texts streaming in all the next few days about, have you thought this through, why don't you go to a hospital, why this, why that.

Why don't you please, respectfully, kindly, and dearly - shut up.

I thank you.

Sincerely, the mega b***h,

Lo x

On 6/13/2021 at 5:24 PM, Jibralta said:

Early one winter morning, this song came on during my drive to work. It was still dark out, and I had the highway mostly to myself.

I've always enjoyed this song; it's been around my whole life. But in the peaceful darkness of that morning, it seemed to take on a whole new life.

It felt like my car was filled with music and darkness and the pinpoints of light that were the street lamps and headlights passing me by. It felt like magic.

 

WHAT a song Jib, this is one of my favourite tunes.

Glad you enjoyed your cruise, nothing beats driving when no one else is around!

x

On 6/6/2021 at 3:11 AM, itsallgrand said:

I'd have a ball seeing the treasures in your house! 

It sounds like this baby is a rumbunctious one already lol. I hope you get some sleep though. 

Hey itsallgrand!

Why thank you dear, you would be absolutely MORE THAN WELCOME! Although, there is nothing more common than doing a "tour of the house" but, I'm not above it 😉

Are you into anything in particular? 

Lo x

Our unsleepable friend
gets the message on an ill-wind.
'All your friends and your foes
would rather die than have to touch you'
TO SAY THE LEAST: Truly disappointed
truly, truly, truly, oh

Drank too much,
said too much,
and there's nowhere to go but down.
Young boy, I wanna help you.
SEE THESE LINES? Truly disappointed
truly, truly, truly, oh.

Don't talk to me now
about people who are "nice"
'cause I have spent my WHOLE LIFE
in RUINS...
because of people who were "nice"

This world may lack style, I know,
but each bud must blossom and grow.

Young girl one day we really will be old.
But the thing is: I love you NOW.

This is the last song I will ever sing.
No I've changed my mind again!
GOODNIGHT
AND THANK YOU.

Is this not the pinnacle of relaxation or is it just me?! 

Going to shut up now because this is your journal!

Best,

Lo x

20 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

One of my favs 

Well exactly! Don’t leave it too late! Enjoy your time now, especially if you have the means too or can make it work! 
 

This song was written about Hartlepool! Absolutely love Morrissey. Definitely top 10 invited dream dinner party guest. If you could have anyone, dead or alive, at your ideal dinner party, who would they be?

So many songs of his, and most I weirdly don’t find depressing at all! I love ‘A Boy With A Thorn In His Side’ and ‘Back To The Old House’ and God, there are so many aren’t there! I used to have an American pen pal friend back in my teenage days and he loved Morrissey. I didn’t realise he was so popular in America until he mentioned it. 
 

He’s like, the music for the outcast or fringe introvert or something. Poetry! 
 

x

On 6/4/2021 at 11:59 PM, Seraphim said:

I don’t feel we are enemies at all . It was a disagreement in point of view. 
 

We are well, just in move mode . 

That’s alright Seraphim 😉

Lo x

On 6/4/2021 at 10:39 AM, Jibralta said:

No, I get it. I know it's ass-backwards in terms of 'traditional' entrepreneurship (oxymoron?). But my priority isn't money-making, it's long term happiness. I measure my wealth in terms of what brings me joy, and I've run life-improvement and happiness-making schemes since I was a kid. And yes, I have moments of harried non-happiness for sure. But it's part of the process of getting to where I need to be. 

Also, I should add that I've always been a business-magnet. Yes, magnet (not magnate!). Even as an elementary school kid, my classmates (and their parents) were always trying to pay me to design posters and decorate binders and book covers. And to the exasperation of many adults, I usually refused the money and did these things for free.

For the last 14 years, I've almost always had a side-job available to me, and more often than not, I turn the jobs down because they impose on my quality of life. I guess what I'm saying is, I've never worried about getting business, and don't ever want to worry about it. Based on past experience (and I could be a fool! But I'll risk it), I believe the business will be there when I want it. My focus now is learning to manage it in a risk-free environment (i.e., working for others).

Jibralta babes!

“And to the exasperation of many adults, I usually refused the money and did these things for free.”

And this, my dear Jibralta, is why you are just too nice and not greedy enough to go into the mad mans world of going it alone 🥲

No but I jest, I wish you all the best! All the self employed people I know are almost allergic to working for anyone else and can’t take it for anymore than a few years to a decade max. But! You seem to be able to have a foot in one world and a foot in another and as you say, it’s not necessarily success and money you are after but happiness and for that I say, what you are doing now sounds perfect and makes you happy and I say kudos, that is a balance not many people get right in their lives.

My husband worked for one company once, the only time he ever worked for anyone in his life. He had no qualifications in the area he was working in, but within 2 years there got his hands on the second highest position in the company and was the youngest to ever do it too, but! It was all mostly sales driven. All the while he was setting up his own business and left as soon as he could, I think after 3 years. 
 

He deals in speciality high value items now - art, antiques, fossils, natural history, sculpture, etc. This is obviously a lot different to an academic profession although his art and history knowledge is vast and he can pretty much give you the Latin name for most animals! As sedate and snobby as this area of deals can seem to the outside eye it is very cut throat and ruthless. I have met some insanely interesting people through his work though.

And not bad considering he walked out of school at 15 with no qualifications because he was already buying and selling on CD’s then and burning/illegally copying computer games with a friend and was making more money than his sister at the time who had come out of university with a great degree and career. I remember him telling me he couldn’t stand them treating him like a kid, being told what to do and also he didn’t want to waste his time taking the exams because he knew they wouldn’t do anything for him anyway. 
 

After constantly being surrounded in life through his work with basically glorified “wheelers and dealers” ranging from people who set up HSBC banks in Hong Kong to software developers who sold their companies to property developers and authors and bohemians and ex models and their director ex husbands and on and on I can say that these people have never once tread the “safe path” or “steady road” and that they are all, in their own way, a little insane! Doesn’t mean it won’t work out for you but I do notice a definite set of personality traits amongst them.
 

Anyway, eccentric characters aside, I don’t mean to come across pessimistic or jaded about your business goals Jib! I do wish you all the best! I don’t know you obviously, just from the odd interactions you just seem too sweet for that world, and, I mean that as a big compliment, not as a put down in anyway.

I am curious about your well being classes! What is it that you do? A seminar type situation? 

Lo x

4 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

No ,they haven’t taken any ,they’re not really interested in personality tests at all. But if I had to peg them I would say my husband is a peacemaker and my son is an individualist. And me , I’ve always been a helper since I was incredibly small. I taught helping to my husband. His family is incredibly introverted and insular. But he is far more of a peacemaker than I am . I can be very outspoken. My son is very outspoken far more so than I am. 

This is why I like the sound of your son!  Smart boy! Haha!

It’s a lovely personality trait to have, the drive to help, I admire it greatly.

And about the RV! Very cool idea! There are so many videos on YouTube regarding that lifestyle. I think there are many pros and cons to a minimal, off grid kinda self sufficient vibe. Counting down your years seem wrong though Seraphim! Is there anyway you could dabble in your dream even now, instead of waiting? 
 

I was talking to a friend who told me about her 10 year plan and this kinda thinking blows me away, it’s just so alien too me. I don’t know what I’ll be doing in 1 year yet alone thinking and planning for 5, 8, 10! But I think this is more normal than not! But it always seems like people are planning on starting living “in the future when all is well” as Morrissey puts it and, I don’t know, maybe I am far too unrealistic but I always think, why wait! Is there any way you could dabble now if it’s something you really want to do?

Lo x

Doing it again, 1:30 in the morning, I can’t, can’t, can’t sleep. What is wrong with me?! 
 

This is so weird. I never have this problem, ever. I feel like something is changing or, I don’t know. Maybe I am more worried or stressed than I will admit or even realise? 
 

Need to stop looking at my phone, need to stop getting into big late night discussions with D and then going to sleep with my brain in wind up mode instead of wind down. 
 

Getting up with the babies on an hour or two of sleep is really no joke, not second time round anyway.

Whyyyyyyy? Why why whyyyyy are you doing this brrrrraaaaaain. 
 

Need a switch off button. Need to order one. Note to self.

Lo x
 

44 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I am REALLY super attracted to off grid minimalist living . I want that for my future. 

SO AM I!!!!

I saw this exact video a few years back! What impressed me is they did it all with a baby!

Sometimes at night, when I can’t sleep, I picture a log cabin in the middle of nowhere and take myself inside, to a log burner, boots drying, the smell of pine, crammed shelves of pickled jars and up a ladder a cosy, tiny, and many quilted bunk bed! When I was a tiny tiny kid I used to imagine something very similar but it was a Viking longhouse in the middle of winter, with an open fire at the centre and people snuggled into blankets wrapped like bags around them close to the walls. 
 

There is just something so peaceful and relaxing about the shelter from extreme conditions. It’s almost like being back in the womb.

I started dabbling in minimalism a year back. I hate clutter anyway. There was something extremely therapeutic about stripping everything back, starting with the contents of my closet. But! I have a terrible twitchy shopping addiction and I hate myself for it but I ended up just replacing or buying new things! But, I still LOVE the idea!

Thinking of moving to Alaska? 😉

Lo x 

22 hours ago, Seraphim said:

This seems very fitting for your business and profession Seraphim!

I remember taking this years ago and getting 4, ‘The Individualist’ - my husband got the same result. Has your husband and son taken this test? Would be interesting to see what their results are! I always find stuff like this fun.

I sometimes think it would be interesting for everyone on ENA to take one of these and see if their results matched up to how we all perceive that person through their interactions over this forum 🙂

Lo x

PS - Wally was very handsome and, what good posture! 😉🤣

x

You’re completely right Martial. For something that is not going to be deadly for 99% of the population you are far better just getting it.

I actively got it on purpose for the very reasons you just mentioned! Natural immunity is so much better. I am not sure if this is the case for every disease but for corona virus’s I think this is a fact. My Mum and Dad, only 57 and 61, have both had the first dose of the AstraZeneca vaccine and now regret it. They won’t be getting their second. Both had bad side effects from the first. I personally think they already had covid when me, my husband and the kids had it too. 
 

Also curiously, my father has suffered with terrible nose bleeds his whole life, as did his mother and he genetically passed this onto my younger sister who suffers with this still. Something to do with a weakness in the vessel walls or something like that of their noses. Anyway, since having the vaccine, first time in his life, no nose bleeds. I find this very curious as some of the more drastic side affects of this vaccine were blood clots. My Dad has this theory that it has thickened his blood. I don’t know how true this is or plausible, but it is a very strange coincidence. He has had this problem his whole life from his earliest memories to the age of 61 and now, suddenly nothing. 
 

I will definitely not be having the vaccine nor will my kids or husband. 

Lo x

Insomnia insomnia go away, you’ve never been here before so why now, come again another day.

No scrap that, never come back! I don’t want to see you round here! 
 

This is taking the biscuit. I don’t mind staying up late as a lil late night owl but, I like it to be my choice and mine alone. No fun.

Bambino is having a party. Time - 3:30 am. Location - bump city. They think they are John Travolta on the multi-coloured dance floor tonight. Oh Gawd, not another hyper one!!! Mama needs some rest. 

Lo x

PS Dias,

Since I class you as one of those people who know the ins and outs of computer “stuff” that I am totally clueless on... I am thinking you know something regarding this cryptocurrency?

I remember having a conversation about Bitcoin with a friend at a party 10 years ago. I guess if we’d put a grand in then we might’ve done okay! BUT! Zero crypto investments from us. Just don’t know anything about it. Gut feeling is, what on earth IS this?!?! I can’t get my head around it. Such a fiat money girl! 
 

Anyway, what do you think about it?

I ask this now also because, someone who works for my husband but is also kind of a friend, bit of a dreamer, well, understatement - he skipped in high as a kite to tell us he’d been left some money all of a sudden and he’d put it all into cryptocurrency and he was saying we need to do the same and that he’s sure he’s going to be easy rich very soon.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we don’t know anything about this! Nada! And, I also wish him eternal wealth and I hope we see him in 5 years time flipping us the bird driving by in his Aston - but what’s your take on this?

Anyone we know who has serious money isn’t dabbling in this in a big way - they are either too old school and used to turning profit the old school way or this has slipped them by? I do realise there are people somewhere who did make a big profit through luck or infancy in this or whatever but I cant’ help but feel suspicious.
 

Anything that claims; get rich fast, get rich quick, is normally not true. Too good to be true normally equals, it is too good to be true. But there are rare exceptions to the rule! Do you think this could be one of them?

What’s your gut feeling about all this? 

Lo x

On 6/1/2021 at 1:55 PM, dias said:

We are having some amazing sunny days here. I am free this week but I spend most of the time studying for a cloud certificate unfortunately.

I am too Greek, I love the sun a bit too much. I go for a run in the afternoon along the river, shirtless of course now that the weather is good😎 Moments like this are when I would prefer to be at a beach bar on a Greek island crammed with sexy tanned girls in bikinis 😎 The sun (and money lol) increases my testo, I want hot tanned girls in bikinis and a yacht😎 

Evening Dias!

A big congratulations! I am very happy to see you flying, and not just due to coffee or the treadmill!!! 
 

All the best, keep it up, and, looking forward to hearing about Monaco in a few years time 😉

Crazier things happen on these journals regarding wishes!!!

Lo x

Marital!

Just here to wish you all the best on a new journal! Wow! I feel kind of tragic that I won’t be able to skip back and look at your previous writing! But it’s refreshing that you are in the mood to move on! 
 

Lovely idea for a journal - it’s far too pleasant for me 😉 but if you don’t mind, I would love to pop in to read your gratitudes! It might just make me stop and be thankful for, a little while, at the very least ☺️
 

Lots of love,

Lo x

On 5/8/2021 at 7:15 PM, maritalbliss86 said:

Yes, it makes sense to me.  We're kind of in the middle, but I'm familiar with what you're talking about.

Most people who finally, "make it," with their businesses had to continuously keep pouring almost everything in... since he's so well mentioned here   even Elon Musk had to pour in his fortune he made when selling off Paypal (21 million) to finance his other projects, which he had a feeling would totally tank!  I'm sure he has to fund a lot of his projects still as well... it's like a never-ending thing and very stressful. 

So yes, I get it that doing your own business means taking risks and is a completely different ballgame than what normal people do.  Just saying if you wanted to free up your mortgage (if you have a mortgage), scaling down and buying in cash is a quick, easy way for the most part.  Ditto with selling expensive cars and buying what you need in cash. 🙂

 

Good evening Marital!

Always the best to hear from you! 
 

And yes, that is all sensible stuff isn’t it! I know! Those are the things my Dad has told my husband for 14 years! Ha! 
 

Ever heard of a guy called David Siegel? The timeshare king? He is one of the richest guys in America and he still has a mortgage on his house. I know, it sounds insane. This is the thing, everything normal is backwards. We could pay off our house yes, but it’s even better to use that money still to turn it around and then make more off that. It’s probably all wrong and totally illogical but you just keep ploughing almost everything you have back into your company. You don’t want savings, you want assets. When you have cash, it’s almost a bad sign. When you have stock, good! No cash but lots of stock means sell more stock get more cash then buy more stock all over again! If you “cash out” then you stop the game. 
 

Don’t get me wrong, I basically live half scared to death and my husband is probably another 5 years from a heart attack which is why the conversations to jump off the hamster wheel have been happening. It’s quite hard to have it all. You either have to sell up and leave that lifestyle behind or carry on, it’s very hard due to what my husband does to dip one toe in and keep the other foot out. I wish it was different some days, I do.

Lo x

On 5/8/2021 at 7:32 PM, Jibralta said:

I am not in a rush about it. I actually plan to have the business during my retirement years. 

Jibralta!

Always lovely to hear from you! 
 

People who are natural business men and women in my humble experience don’t decide when and where to pick up on this talent and start utilising it. Normally if you speak to anyone with a very successful business that has lasted at least 10 years and over they were born that way and have dabbled with their own businesses or working for themselves or money making schemes since childhood! They are also often workaholics! 
 

So just a word of caution to this tale - I understand your profession may seem different to say, buying and selling property or owning a manufacturing company or something like that but, retirement is when I imagine you want to lay down, chill, and relax with your hard earned nest egg, right? Like normal, sane people do 😉

Having, running, and setting up your own business - honestly, you will never work harder, be more stressed, juggle more financial pressures and have more people (due to employing them) with their problems to manage and deal with and logistics than ever before in your life!

With that said! I am not here to trash a life plan and I do genuinely say best best best of luck with any business future plans Jib! Just trying to throw you a curve ball of experience here from being the wife of one of those risk taking loons! To not go in with expectations, I suppose is what I am trying to say. Make sure you can afford to potentially have it fail. The secret to risk taking is kind of, educated risk taking and taking risks you can afford to lose. But!!! I am sure you already know this 😘

Hope you are doing great,

Lo x

On 5/8/2021 at 9:28 PM, BecxyRex said:

We’re in a similar boat, Lo, regarding a move to the country. I get your ambivalence on wanting a small town, village school sort of atmosphere for the kids, but sort of needing a bit of the city glam. I’m so there with you. We’re also considering a move out somewhere. Housing where we are is unaffordable and a part of me longs for a simpler life. I’ve been a city girl all my life so I’m trying to find a spot that allows me my stupid luxury spa treatments (massages, facials), trips to big organic grocery stores that I love and access to nice restaurants. I’m also totally cool with a cute little village Biergarten or something where everyone meets up on the weekend. Trying to find THAT spot. It’s hard since we’re having the same time crunch with needing to find a good school for our daughter. It’s a weird time for sure! Hang in there, I’m sure it’ll all turn out great! 

Sexy Becxyyyy! 
 

Weird!!! Isn’t it JUST! Thanks for the support, oh man, well, whichever way it goes, caviar, chicken, or cream crackers 😉 We’ll see. Money comes and goes, at the moment I am happy we all have our health. Corny as that sounds.

The thought of packing up this big old house, two toddlers, a baby bump, my husband and a lifetime of material things is literally keeping me up at night. It’s nearly 2 in the morning. Arrrrrrgghhhh!

Lo x