corpr8

I have proposed that I need some time right now to figure out what to do. That it is important that I make the choice to be with her because I want to and not out of fear of losing her. I even suggested that we stay together and try to rebuild the trust and confidence while continuing to work on the relationship, without getting back engaged. She said that without the engagement and context of such, she can't go backwards. She wants to jump back in and work on it from where it was. I need to regain confidence again before making the committment. We are at an impasse on how to move forward and hence I think I might have to let her go... If there any other way?? I am so emotionally drained from all this that I am beginning to think that it shouldn't be this hard. Most of all, if it was right, we probably would have already been married years ago. Am I wrong?

By the way, nobody supports me in going back to this relationship. My friends think I am crazy, my family thinks that I have wasted too much time and all along I have gone to them for advice and done the complete opposite. Even if I were to take her back, I don't feel as though I could live with the decision based upon the judgement of others... This is very confusing...

I think she is very willing to work on herself and she has pledged her committment to the relationship and to trying to get a grip on her emotions. I am not perfect either. Together we feed each others foibles and it ends up like oil and water. However, as in any relationship, there are the good times, the fantasy of what could be, and that makes it all the more difficult. Anyway, even with her committment to working on her issues and my committment to working on mine, I am just not ready to get re-engaged and commit to marriage. Right now I have too many doubts about our future, and I can't committ to the future with so many doubts in my mind. Do I have any choice but to end this once and for all? What do you do with all the love???

I have been with my girlfriend/fiance for about 5 years. The relationship has been a series of on again off-again episodes, the longest of which lasted 9 months after being together for a year. We got back together and tried to make things work. We continued together with some short on and off episodes for the past 3.5 years. Last May we got engaged, seeing that as a way to possibly cure our woes, but had the same problems over the summer. Constant fighting, not seeing eye to eye on certain issues and her emotional instability in many situations. I have tried and exhausted all efforts in trying to make the relationship work. I love her with all my heart and soul and would do anything to have a successful and healthy relationship. We have never lived with each other over the 5 years. We intended to move in together after the summer as we were engaged. Over the course of the summer her outbursts included throwing the engagement ring at me more than once and finally at the end of the summer she stormed out of our summer house and we actually did not speak for several weeks. I begged her to come back and give things another try and we set a plan of positive action and steps. She agreed to give it another try and things were on the right track. We began looking for an apartment and it seemed as though things could possibly work. Although I have always had doubts about the health of our relationship and have been told by all those around me that she is not the one for me and that it should not be this much work. I have refused to listen and have decided throughout to follow my heart and make my own mistakes if it comes to that. Well, the night before thanksgiving, she had an emotional outburst which she agrees now was totally uncalled for. She threw the ring at me in front of my friends and family and stormed out of a restaurant. I decided at that point that maybe I had enough. Unfortunately, we wound up spending the next several weeks together talking about the relationship, the future, the past and the problems we have had. We are in couples therapy and have been for at least a year now. Anyway, I don't think I can go back to this relationship again. I have lost total confidence in its future, and although I love this woman with all my heart, it just doesn't feel right. I wonder if things can work out, but feel as though I would taking a big chance. I am 37 and she is 32 and I am afraid of wasting anymore time. I know what the right thing to do is, but I am having a hard time finding the strength to let go... Any advice...