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  1. Oh I understand the deleting rules alright, it was just something that popped to mind and I was curious. Thank you for the quick replies!
  2. Hello, Just a follow up to this topic (I don't want to make another since I know there are a few asking to delete threads/accounts). Does the rule of not deleting threads/accounts infringe on GDPR rules? Thank you 🙂
  3. Also, thanks to Wiseman and Gary for continued advice! You helped me out in the past with some previous posts I had (over 2 years ago) :)
  4. Thanks for the feedback everyone. It's good to have it pointed out plainly sometimes. I totally recognise and accept that I had a big part in this with my babying ways, even if I didn't realise I was doing it at the time. It's only in the last year with the wedding and house planning that I started to see it. Yeah our love life has been a little sparce for the last little while. It's good when it happens, just spaced out a bit more than I would like! I can imagine this situation definitely plays a part in that issue also. He does work as a barman (one reason why there's more of a push to get him on the road because he can't always get a bus home so I have to collect him on the late nights. This is temporary over the Winter months as he was on day shifts before and will be going back to them in the new year). Good job with good people, no issues there thankfully (other than the late nights at the moment). I get frustrated at times rather than being mad with him, because now I see why it has turned out this way. He is willing and definitely able to step up and be my husband and not my husband-child, so I can be a wife and not a wife-mom! I also need to look into having a councelling session because there must be a reason I took up this role without realising. Just as I'm writing this, I realise this isn't the first time I've tried to take care of who could be the underdog in a situation. I made a friend when I was in school because she was always alone and I felt sorry for her, so I started chatting with her. I don't like seeing people sad, but this mothering side needs to take a back seat in this situation. Thank you again for the feedback! It really helps to talk it out with some people outside of the situation :)
  5. He has gone to some counseling to help with dealing with his past. He improved a lot in himself as a result. I have been thinking of seeing if he would be interested in a couple session to deal with these types of issues. I've held off though as I wasn't sure. Seems like it would definitely be a good idea going by what you guys are saying here.
  6. I'm 33 and he is 36, we've been together as a couple since 2010 so known each other 10 years (end of 2009 we met), 9 years together and 4 months married. Yes I've realised I need to change also and stop picking up the slack. An example of me doing this is me saying how if the clothes aren't in the wash basket, I won't wash them. But yet I still ask him to gather up his clothes when I'm about to do a wash, even when they aren't in the basket at that point. So I'm not sticking to it either. I need to let go a little and have faith in the 2 facts you said there. I definitely want to be his wife, not his mother! Thank you :)
  7. Yeah chores is one that we really need to split. He doesn't like the idea of making a list like that, but I know that's because he has to do his list. It's the same feeling I had when I was a child (very few kids actually want to do chores) but my siblings and I still did them, and now it's just part of our everyday (they need to be done, so you just do them without thinking now). It's this kind of parental guidance that he didn't get when he was young so he never really learnt how to be a responsible adult. Chore list is definitely a good starting point. Simple steps to start with. Thank you :)
  8. First I want to say that I'm happy that you did look after yourself. Your mind is so, so very important and it's a hard step to take! Well done! :) As for where your relationship stands, it's a tough one. I actually was in a slightly similar situation. My now husband and I took a break for about 6 months (it wasn't a planned length of time, it just felt right after 6 months) and honestly, I wouldn't change it. While it sucked at the time and hurt (I called it off), we both got to focus on ourselves and we learnt a lot. I learned what I really wanted (which was to be with him, there is a long story behind why we had a break that I won't go into here ha ) and he learned a lot about himself and found a new drive (the drive to improve because he wanted to get back together). So for us, the break was driven by an outside pressure which we overcame and grew. I know this doesn't happen for everyone. My advice would be to go with your gut feeling and go on a break. Don't give it a time frame, because that's very constricting. You'll know when the time is right if you do want to get back together, and if that time never comes then you will continue on with your new life path. You're young, there's load of life ahead of you. You only get one life, make sure you're happy with it! You're looking to improve your situation, there's nothing wrong with that. If it's meant to be, then it'll be. Best of luck with your decision!
  9. Hello everyone, I'm hoping that I can get some advice on helping my husband with maturing his emotional state. Very long story short, he had a very traumatic childhood (divorced parents at young age, emotionally abusive mother, loving step-father committed suicide, lost friends to illness in his teens). When we met, it was about a year after his step-father passed away. He has come a long way in the last 10 years and we got married this year. We love each other to bits, but I've noticed recently that I seem to have taken almost a mothering role in our relationship. I've probably noticed because the workload just became too much for me to handle by myself. It's not like I do everything, but it's probably a split of 90-10, so it's most things. Without getting into too fine a detail (it could make this post very long!), I seem to be taking on almost all of the responsibility with tasks (including planning about 90% of our wedding and doing 99% of the work for buying our home), and if I'm not doing it myself, I have to ask him very often to do his tasks (example, he has been saying for years he will learn to drive but he has yet to even do the theory test, or even simple tasks like feeding the dog or emptying the dishwasher). If I was to sum it all up, at times he acts like a child. We've had some discussions around this and it's come to light for us both that basically, he didn't get the right direction when growing up and he never really was put in the position to mature emotionally. When his mother stopped paying their rent and he and his brother got kicked out of the family home, he moved in with his grandmother. She took up the caring role without either of them realizing it, so while his brother got his own place with his girlfriend and learnt how to deal with life, my husband didn't. And when we moved in together, I unknowingly took up the more caring role. So I am partly to blame, this I know. I also want to say that he is not a bad person, he sees his flaws (I'm not perfect either) and he's trying to work on them. I'm just wondering if anyone here has ever gone through something similar and if so, how did they help the other person (or themselves) to mature? Thank you!
  10. Little update to anyone who might find this board :) The wedding happened August this year and I have decided to take his name in the end. I still use my maiden name is some areas (such as work) but I can see this changing over time to my new surname. I thought I would mind more, but the closer it got it didn't bother me that much anymore. I've heard of issues with mothers travelling with their children when their names don't match. It's a bit old fashioned in my opinion that the mother needs proof, but since his family live in another country, if I ever want to visit them with any future kiddos by myself, I'd rather not have any issues! I have his name on paper, but I'm still my maiden name in my heart Thanks again for all the replies everyone! :)
  11. Thanks for your stories everyone! :) It's good to read over them. My mind might change closer to the time, but for now I'm stuck on wanting to keep my surname. The main thing I think will make me change my mind is that I would want to have the same name as our kids (hopefully we'll have some). I asked my mom too what she thought and how she felt when she got married. She kept her name for a little while and had my dad's surname after it. Not double barreled, just there. But she dropped her maiden name after a while because it was easier, rather than signing different names to different things. It's interesting to hear too what it's like in different cultures :) Thanks again for sharing!
  12. Hello everyone! I hope you're all well. I was wondering if I could get some advice/thoughts on the topic of not taking your husband's name when you get married. We are going to be getting married late 2019, but I've been thinking about this for a while and I have spoken to him about it. It's just now I need to make a decision rather than it being just a thought (thankfully there's still time to mull it over). I love my name. It's the name I was born with, what I've grown up with for 31 year, it's who I am. It's not that I dislike my husband-to-be's surname, I just like my own more because it's part of my identity. There's no issues really with me keeping my own name, he understands where I'm coming from and said it the roles were reversed he would have the same thoughts as me. My main worry is what do we name our children? We thought of adding the two surnames together, but without telling you what they are, they just do not sound good as a double-barrel surname! Has anyone here kept their name when they got married? If you had a family, which surname did you end up using for the children? If you picked your husband's surname for the children, did you feel any disconnect/sadness that you have a different surname to your children? Thank you for reading! :)
  13. Hello everyone I posted here back in November ( ) about how I might have a success story. I'd like to update this with the following: We're back together! Long story short: Long distance relationship of just over 2 years. I was under a lot of pressure from various things, couldn't take it anymore, cracked and ended it. After some time to gather my thoughts, learn a lot about myself and sort myself out, it didn't take long to realise I still loved him. We continued to talk over the 4 and half months that we were broken up and when we finally got to meet up again a couple of weeks ago it was like everything was right again. We're super happy Now, while it wasn't a nice thing to go through I do think the break did us both some good since we got to focus on other things. It is still early days yet but I think we are stronger after everything that happened. There's a few things going on over the next few months, but here's hoping that by the end of the year we will finally close the long distance and be living together. Plans are in the making My biggest lesson: If you both feel it's right and there are no problems between you, don't let others convince you otherwise because they don't agree with the relationship. Take your time, stand your ground and let them see why you both are so happy together
  14. I don't know if I'll be adding to these success stories or not down the line, but a quick summary of my situation is this: I was dating this wonderful man for 2 years. Our relationship was long distance and after the 2 years I had a mix of feelings of not being able to do it anymore, and feeling like my feelings were now those of a friend than those of a lover. It ended at the start of October, but we have kept in contact and are chatting well like we always did. After spending some time chatting to people here, I think what happened is that I moved from the honeymoon phase into the next stage of a relationship. Since this was my first serious relationship I thought it was me losing interest. In reality, I still love him and I know he loves me too. So who knows? I'm still going to give it a little more time to be sure of my feelings, but if we still love each other after some time and want to try again I'll be back here to let you know. Fingers crossed it will be a success story
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