This is a stab in the dark, but I'm looking for someone who can identify with my situation -- at least somewhat.
Three months ago I met this fantastic girl. We'll call her "Jane". Everything clicked the instant we met on our first date; we both have engineering degrees, we both like cultural events and hiking, we come from similar religious backgrounds, we're both 27, etc. On our second date, I was 90% sure she was The One. A little over a month later I was 100% sure she was The One. The only reason I've backed off slightly is because she doesn't seem to be quite as in love with me as I am with her and I don't want to get completely devastated if she decides against the whole thing.
Jane is wonderful -- highly intelligent, decent sense of humor (usually), strong-willed, beautiful, nice family, willing to join my church...I want to marry her.
In my early teens I made the decision NEVER to have extramarital sexual intercourse. I dated off and on in college but stayed true to my decision, although I've done "other things". I like to think that I've always loved my future wife because I've saved myself for her.
Here's the problem: Jane has had sex before. About 3 weeks into the relationship she told me about it and cried because she was afraid I'd leave her. I told her that I wouldn't throw away everything we have just because she made a decision she regrets (which she does). I put it out of my mind and concentrated on letting our relationship blossom.
As I become more and more certain I want to propose to her, I am faced with the stark reality that when I marry her I will be giving her something that she won't be able to give in return. I try to rationalize it, but it still hurts and I think about it almost daily. I feel somewhat "cheated", if that makes any sense, because I had opportunities where I could have convinced girlfriends to have sex but I never did. It almost makes me want to go out and get a hooker just so Jane and I can be "on the same page". Isn't that silly?
I don't want to think premarital sex is a big issue, because then I feel like a second-class citizen compared to her "first one". I don't want to think it's a small issue, because then why did I save myself?
I know a lot of you won't be able to understand because a lot of you have had sex before, probably with several partners. I guess I'm looking for someone who's in a similar situation, or even someone who's been through it and is now married. I am not going to leave her because of this; I just want to heal the pain I feel because I will never be anyone's "one and only". I'm thinking I'll probably feel better once I actually have sex with her someday. I am trying to hold it in and NOT to talk to Jane about it because I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel like a "slut", "dirty", etc.
