I've lived with my partner for over 2yrs. That is the extent of his commitment to me. We don't make plans or dreams together. in fact he dashes any I try to make lately. He's got a couple of failed marriages under his belt and numerous kids. From what i have learned, he knew from the start the level of commitment he wanted with them and went for it. He gave them his all. He made them feel like they had worth, in every way emotionally and they never even had to work, he supported them totally - lucky cows!
But me? I have had to hold two jobs together whilst on meds for depression. He won't even read up on how it affects me so to understand what I am going through. He constantly makes me feel second place in his life and excludes me. I have so little trust in him and he does nothing to re assure me, in fact he goes the other way. It often talks about 'going' but doesn't, is it out of pity or love that he stays, or is it because he would have to find another roof for his head?
I'm reaching the point were something is going to have to change. I have thought about putting a timescale on it all. If in that time he fails to commit or communicate to me in a way that is of meaning to me then I will have to pull away and think about stopping investing so much of myself emotionally in someone who is using me.
I desire what every other woman desires...love, respect, truth, commitment, to be made to feel that they are like a precious jewel and valued.
i feel like i am a time filler in his life until something better comes along...is that anyway to live. And why do i allow it, is love ever enough or do practicalities have to be first if it means that the person you care for is the person who is destroying your sense of worth and importance and erroding your confidence to the point that you feel you are a monster or why else are they stringing you along!
I am not trying t force his hand but i sense lack of closure in so many of his affairs with his past wives. he still has property with the very first one, reckons he's not got around to sorting it! Not got around to divorcing the 2nd one, what else hasn't he tied lose ends up on?
What should i do?
Sad and feeling very alone and foolish for daring to believe in love again.
