My (ex)girlfriend and I had been going out a little more than a year until about three weeks ago a chain of events led to our end. It was a series of things: She had been acting very strange, as had I, but in a different way, and somewhat distant, but again, probably as a reaction to me. During this fairly tortuous week, she had lied to her family about where she was going a few times (she didn't lie to me) and they were very upset with her. She had made friends with a guy (I was friends with him too) that was her cousin's roommate. This guy was obviously enamored with her, but I didn't mind because I trusted her and, to be honest, he's not really in my league. I had served her an ultimatum in which I told her she either acted as if she still cared about me or I was done with her, which ended with her crying and saying she loved me, but we both agreed we needed more time to ourselves. I had always argued that, but she always wanted to see me all the time, so I did. We had several talks that week where she expressed to me that she was not sneaking around and that I was the best thing that's ever happened to her, that she needed me, that she had been acting distant because she thought she didn't treat me well and took me for granted, etc. I was calm and fairly nonchalant during this talk, she was crying. Anyway, a day or so later she got caught lying again to her family and this time to me and came over to talk with me again, this time saying she felt trapped by me and her family, that she needed more space, that she felt like she was going crazy. As a result of all of this, she broke it off, though it was unclear whether it was over, or just a much-needed break.
The break-up happened in the morning, I was upset, thought it was over, but then--surprise--she called me later that night. She called me the next day too, saying she would call me later--never did. A few days later, I went to her house to drop some things off, but she wasn't there. I called her to tell her I needed to pick my stuff up, assuming we were finished. She seemed stunned and said I could pick it up the next day and to call her. SHE called me the next day, but I wasn't able to answer. I finally got in touch with her later and told her I HAD to pick my stuff up because I was moving out of town--which I am doing. She seemed fairly upset about that when I got my things, told me she was sorry about everything that happened and to call her. She called me the next morning, and the next day, and the next day, and the next, each time crying saying she missed me and loved me and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, but said she needed some time to sort things out. I was very confused. She mentioned in her last call that we might get together for some coffee the next day, I told her to call me--never did.
She didn't call me for a few days, but I dropped her an e-mail about my interesting weekend--nothing in the e-mail concerned us or our relationship. She called me the next day, again very upset and feeling guilty about what happened?? She mentioned over and over again that she missed me and loved me ("I love you"). I asked if she wanted to get together or something. She said no, that she was ashamed of how she looked (apparently she had not been eating or sleeping very well). I said I didn't care, but she insisted no. I said call me later.
Today, she calls me wanting to play me a song she was writing (she's a songwriter). She wasn't upset this time, but we discussed my weekend and the girl I went to a concert with the night before. She said she missed me and said "I love you" and mentioned we might get together this weekend. I said call me, and she said I could call her too.
Here's my question: I still love this girl very much, I'd like to get back together, but I'm not going to push for it--she broke it off, that's her job. I'm really confused though. Is she leading me around? Is she trying to make me grovel for her back? Is she just a crazy woman? What should I do? Should I make an effort to get her back (I'm leaving town in a month though)? Should I just wait and give it time and see how things pan out, or tell her to just make up her mind or leave me alone? I just need some advice on what to make of all this. Thanks in advance.
Sorry for the very long post, but I think the odd situation called for it--thanks for putting up with me.
Sincerely,
SGP
UPDATE!!!
Thanks for the responses guys and gals.
Here's a little update on the situation with my ex:
She still calls and e-mails me several times a week, conversations still end with her saying "I love you." It's become apparent that she and the rebound guy are now going out, which doesn't surprise me since she can be very needy at times. I myself have been dating someone new, who I like a lot, but simply don't have the same feelings for--just a way to keep my mind off the ex I guess. Anyhow, this guy she's dating is pretty much my opposite, and he and my ex really don't have much in common--but he was there to catch her after our relationship fell to pieces. However, in our last conversation she mentioned this, saying that she gets tired of having to explain herself and other things to him, things she never had to tell me--I already knew or understood them. She called him a "bull head," obviously a crack at his intellect--I'm a fairly intelligent guy, she is too, so I guess she may be missing the stimulating conversation. She also mentioned that she doesn't really want or have time for a boyfriend right now, but it's hard for her to say no sometimes--again, the "needy" factor coming into play.
Here's the biggest thing: she told me she wanted to go out to dinner with me sometime next week. I was stunned. Going out to get some coffee, or some lunch is one thing, but dinner? She also asked me if I was ever going to come back to her. I said that wasn't my decision--I wasn't the one who left. She said "yeah, but you're moving away (I'm moving to Chicago in Jan-Feb) from me." She said she is still very confused about almost everything in her life. I told her that is the same reason I'm moving away, to--and not to sound cheesy here--"find myself."
Here's my question(s) to anybody who reads this: What should be my move here? I've given her space, in fact, I've never been the one to initiate contact, it has always been her who calls or e-mails. Should I go out to dinner with her? I'd like to, but should it be casual or something more "date-like." Obviously, any other wisdom or insight into this matter would be appreciated. Thanks again everyone.
Sincerely,
Sean
