Snowgrrl83
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Everything posted by Snowgrrl83
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I went a bit further in my investigation. He had told he would go snowboarding over the weekend. I called one of my friends who is his primary snowboard friend. He said that he never called to go snowboarding this weekend - hence, he's lying and he's with his ex. He also told me, last time I spoke with him, which would be 6 days ago, that he wasn't over his ex.
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Yesterday I finally got out of bed at about 5 PM. I had a hair appointment at 6:30 so I went to my hair appointment. My friend does my hair in her home - which is right beside my exs home. I didn't help myself, after my hair appointment I drove beside his house (after my hair appointment at 11 PM on a Sunday night) just to see if he was home or not. The car wasn't there. I guess he's with his ex. I can't believe it. This just feels like I'm living a nightmare. This girl that he insulted for an entire year, he is getting back with... what does that say about me? I'm still extremely hurt. Still not eating. Still not sleeping. Still not working. My stomac is really upset and so is my system. My body is all out-of-whack. I have my period when I'm not supposed to and fluids are coming out of my body in strange ways.
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bitebenot - it depends on the relationship you've been in. I've been in 2 yrs relationships where I could move on 2 days later. But this one, so hard. Its very psychological and depends what you went through in your relationship. This is what happened to mine: Man left his wife (or live-in girlfriend) for me. I left my fiance for him (yes, I was able to move on in less than a couple of days and I still don't regret moving from my ex fiance). Then a year later (now), he wants to get went back to her and I realized I didn't love my ex fiance but somehow tried to fall in love with another man that could have been the one would he have fallen in love with me (but never did).
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I cant get out of bed today. Too hurt. Day 4
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The pain, why can't it stop hurting? I just can't understand why he's leaving me, because he can't get over his ex girlfriend that was abusive to him. Why can't I get over a man that was abusive to me? Why are we all doing this to ourselves! I just don't understand why I think the way I'm thinking and its driving me crazy.
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Day 4 but feels like forever. I went out with a bunch of friends last night, there were maybe 15 of us. All these guys were interested in me - I'm quite the guy-magnet, I must admit.... but for some reason, no matter which guy I met last night, none were really interesting. None of them had anything in common with me like my ex did. It really sucked. It just made me sadder and I had to leave the night early because the tears just came pouring down. Its like I can meet a really sweet guy that has a few things in common with me, but I'll never find the ideal guy that is sweet with me and that has the same hobbies/values. Also, I'm extremely hurt by my ex. Its almost like I can never trust a man again. He really lead me on for a long time, just to find out that he wasn't over his ex. The hurtful psychological abuse that he had done to me is simply unimaginable. Still I remain NC and he hasen't contacted me either.
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donr - hang in there! it gets easier everyday and try to keep yourself as busy as possible!!!! syxx87 and klafeoj -- thanks for the answer! I hope my ex tries to contact me - but I wont answer.
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klafeoj and syxx87 - have your exs tried contacting you yet since you started NC? did you tell them you were doing NC? I'm curious... for my own sanity
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Yesterday after work, I went to physio for my knee (on which I had surgery a couple of months ago). My physiotherapist is a really good friend. She is in her 50s (I'm in my mid-late 20s) and she had some really good advice. almost like my psychologist and my physiotherapist at the same time. I see her 2 or 3 times per week. Then, after physio, I went to eat dinner (yes, i actually ate a full meal!) with a pregnant friend to catch up. After that, I went to a ladies night for wine and cheese. It felt really good to not sit at work by myself to dwell on my problem/situation. Its funny, because my thoughts and feelings change every day and every moment. This morning, I woke up before my alarm again, but I didn't cry. I woke up, and I thought to myself "if he does call me, and does want back in, why should I let him in?" I want him in, but he's been treating me so badly for the past 7 months and he's not over his ex. I don't deserve to be treated that way. Then, I got mad. He WAS really mean to me, why the hell would he deserve me!? I need a really big sincere appology and I need him to show me that HE WILL CHANGE. Today is Saturday, and I'm pretty sure he's gone snowboarding. Although its my favorite sport, I can't snowboard this winter because of my injured knee. Its really hard to keep yourself busy when you can't do any sports (which are usually my hobbies of choice). I have another ladies night tonight. Dinner and then the club... but we might go shopping before hand. I've also been thinking about what I'm going to do next weekend. My lady-friends have organised a ski-weekend where we rented a condo at the local resort that is just 2 hours away. I had announced this to my ex about 4 days ago (last time I talked to him). Coincidently, his buddies had organised a weekend at the same resort too!!! I'm about 90% sure that I will run into him and that he will confront me. What will I say to him? I need to keep NC but what happens in a situation where you get confronted? I haven't told him about NC yet. Do I just tell him that "I need to think for a while" and then to leave me alone because I hang out with my friends? Advice please!
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I'll stop trying to plot revenge. I need to move on and just ignore the jerk. I need a massage.. my shoulders are super stiff. I guess I'm driving myself insane because when I saw him last time he was super sweet to me. I mean, really sweet! Like all the things that I had been craving for a long time, he fufilled on Weds. I contacted him, and asked if he was bored at home by himself. He said yes, so I suggested that we go shopping. We did, and he treated me the way I always wanted to be treated. It felt soooooooo good to receive compliments, to hear that he told his mom that we broke up because he wasn't nice to me, to hear that he would be hurt if I did move on right away. After that wonderful evenning, he told me he wasnt over his ex... It makes me go crazy. He cares for me, but doesn't want to be with me because he's not over his ex. I told him that he needs to try it out again with his ex or go NC with her. He didn't want to do either. Theres a part deep down inside of me that wants him to hurt... but I really don't want to do it on purpose. I'm just going to ignore him now and go out with my lady-friends tonight. Maybe he'll realize what we had during this moment of NC for a month. Then, in a month, I'll be able to either fall in love with the man of my dreams all over again....... or move on as a stronger person. I'm sorry, I have to go through this over and over again, but it does help.
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Today, I woke up for the 11th day in a row before my alarm and I woke up crying, again. I've been crying every day, at least once every hour for 11 days. I haven't been eating properly and I've dropped about 7 pounds since. I'm a tiny girl and this makes me even tinyer. It burns me to know that he pretended to be in a relationship for 9-10 months with me and never got over his ex. His ex is a bikini model for Body Glove. How to make me insecure, eh? I still want him back. I'm totally going crazy and I'm really having trouble moving on. I can't eat, sleep nor work. I really hope that this 30 day no-contact will fix things, that he can get over his ex and fall in love with me so that I can fall in love with him. I WANT to fall in love with him, but he's just been such an up-and-down thing for me, one day he's nice, the next he's not because he longs for his ex that I'm totally torn on what to think of him. I feel the same about him, one minute I think I love him, the next I hate him and never want to see him again. I hope he moves on. I want him to either try with his ex again or completely block her out of his life for at least 2 months - like I'm doing to him. I just don't want him to forget about me. I miss him so much. I miss his touch, his hugs, his kisses, the way he cuddles me at night. I've been updating my facebook status and pretending that I'm happy. Yesterday, I put "is excited for the weekend!" as my status. I hope it gets him wondering what I'm so excited about. I think I'm torchering myself trying to torcher him. Does that make any sense? Please help. I think I need professional help.
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Believe it or not, but I dont even want to tell him that I'm ignoring him. I want to make him wonder. Last time I spoke to him we were going to go out "part-time" although he told me he wasn't over his ex. I told him that he either needs to cut contact with her or try it again with her, but he didnt want to do that.... they had bought a house together and were dating for 4 years and we met right after their breakup. I broke up with my BF and got over him at the same time. Then I told him that he's got to let me go if he thinks its not worth trying with me again...but he didn't want to let me go either. Although he said that if I would move on, it would be ok, but he would be sad. This is where we left off... so now, I'm just going to ignore him. Make him really wonder. Make him sad that I'm not even talking to him nor responding to him. Its already working - he's been going on and offline his facebook. I see him go online every 10 minutes and then log off.
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Its really funny how quickly and how often my feelings change about this man. One minute I want to get back with him and the next I just want to get over him forever and move on. Right now, I'm happy that I've taken on this challenge because I just want to move on and show myself that I don't need him nor the way he treated me so badly. Right at this instant, now, I feel bad for trying to rekindle our relationship 2 days ago because he was so sweet when we went shopping together. It made it difficult for me to forget him... and I suddenly forgot how mean he was to me when we were actually going out. I just want to show him that I can get over him and that maybe we can just be friends....maybe.
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Question for everyone doing this: Did you tell your ex that you dont want to talk to him/her for the next month? I didn't. I think it might drive him crazy and I sort of enjoy that idea.
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Elephant - I'm also excited, because I think I just realized that in a month from now, I will be re-introduced to the man of my dreams. I'm crazy, aren't i?
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Elephant - that was very considerate of you. but I agree, you need to start over and it WILL feel good!!
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The only thing that I fear out of this whole thing is that I get hurt because he never attempts to contact me within the month... and that in the end, I'm still not over him and end up contacting him and he's going to be completely over me or back with his ex. Weird isn't it...either way, I will stay strong and I'm not contacting him!
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Its really weird, I have 2 goals with this no contact thing - to get over him and to make him want me. I want him to want me so I can fall in love with him. But then again, I want to get over him. I really dont know what I want, do i? I guess thats why it hurts so much.
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I'm at day one of the challenge and I'm confused, going crazy, and especially sad. But I will stay strong. I told a friend that I would go see her, then I changed my mind.... and then I told her that I might show up at her house later.