dmhoff

Day 3 for me...kinda/sorta actually. I don't know. Last night I was feeling horrible, then ok, then horrible again. It all so unreal to me! OH crap! He just text me saying he misses me!

A few hours left of day 2. I'm hurting pretty bad right now. Today is the first day he hasn't tried to call me at all. I always knew I was 'hanging on to the edge of the rope he was holding' our entire relationship, but I guess I hoped maybe, just maybe, he'd try to call me begging me to come back and that he can't live without me, like he's told me over and over again "I could never live without you in my life!" I knew he'd have no problem and that it was all just talk that he knew I'd want to hear. I know with out a doubt he is totally fine and going about his day without a problem, and actually having a grand time knowing he doesn't have to call me tonight. I guess that's half of my hurt, knowing he could give a s**t as to what I'm doing, how I'm doing, or if I'm even alive! Nearly 5 years of daily conversations, hours long, and then POOF! Nothing! Incredible how a person can be so cold! Dana

I just started this site earlier today. Boy am I happy I found this place!! I haven't yet finished day one, and am still in 'yaya land'. I hurt beyond belief that this close relationship ended after nearly 5 years. I was always the one to go crawling back, but I just can't this time. He always told me that he doesn't need anyone, and if I needed him out of my life to make my life easier, he'd miss me off and on for a while, but he doesn't grieve. So he always held the rope, and I dangled from the end, never wanting to let go! I'm totally addicted to him, for some reason, and I'm crushed to let him go! He called three times today, but I turned off the call forwarding, so I didn't know he called. He always called the half hour before he went home from work, but he didn't today. Obviously he figured since I didn't answer the other three times, that I've gotten rid of him, so he's done calling. I have no doubt in my mind that he hasn't given me one thought tonight. He's never chased after me...well, maybe he came back a time or two, but it's mostly me going to him. So since I haven't answered, he's done with me. I'm sure he's totally fine. And I know, it's not about him, it's about ME! I shouldn't be thinking what HE'S doing, but what I'm doing for ME! But it's so hard!!! In a few hours I will go to bed. I will wake up tomorrow with the gut wretching realization that it's all real, thus, beginning day two! Please pray for me! Dana