Mustachio

Day 10 of round 3. I had to look at a calendar to find out just how long its been since I last spoke to her... not really counting the days anymore. The thoughts of getting back together with her are fading, but the pain and the missing her is still there. But anything more than that is just a fantasy. Time to take stock of my life and look forward, and not idealize falsehoods from the past. I made it through this past sunday, which would have been our 7th anniversary and you know what, the buildup to the day was worse than the actual day itself. Dont know if I plan to wish her a merry christmas or not, but you know what, it doesnt even matter. She chose to remove herself from my life and now I am choosing to move my life forward. She will have to put in the work to get herself back into mine... only time will tell if or when she decides to do that, and I will be the one to determine if she can ever earn a place back in my life in some way. Until then, forward I go.

I think it's just the time of year, there is a lot of special times coming up that we shared together that I now will be alone for yes I do need to make changes but they are hard and I am still fighting myself about making changes I can almost guarantee you that there is no way reading one book will instantly make me get over my ex anyways, day 7 of round 3 tomorrow would have been our 7 year anniversary... A hot air balloon ride and a ring... Kind of glad I dodged that bullet, but still sad

Back to day 5... dont know how long this round is going to last. Feeling crappy today, less because of her, but more just because of my situation right now. I had planned to send her a text saying merry christmas around christmas time, but Im just not so sure Im going to or if I really want to. This weekend is going to be tough for a couple reasons. First... it would have been our 7 year anniversary, and second its hannukah. Honestly, I will be surprised if she doesnt send a text for one or the other, but I kind of hope she doesnt. I still want her in my life, but because of her, I have made myself miserable and Im sick of it. Sick of her treatment of me, sick of the way things turned out and sick of the person I allowed myself to become because of her actions. I want to be done with this... forever.

Back to day 2. It snowed here on saturday which made me think of her (it was snow that brought us together in the first place) So I texted her. Got a reply back. Havent heard from her since then. Still not feeling too good or bad about contact one way or another. Not really dying to hear from her, though I do think it would be nice to hear from her first... but somehow I doubt it will happen, who knows. I have a few things coming up which are going to test me. Next weekend would have been our 7 year anniversary. Then christmas. Then my birthday. Then a month after that, valentines day. I think if I can make it through then, ill be mostly in the clear. In the meantime, still working on building a better me, and who knows, maybe ill meet someone I really like in the meantime.

Day 7 of round 2. I still miss her, but boy was she wrong for me. If her new relationship works out, well more power to her, and sorry for the new guy, he doesnt know what hes getting into. If it doesnt work out, Im sure she will be knocking down my door... but until that happens, I just dont really care. I still want her in my life, but Im not going to rush it, whatever happens, happens. Working out a lot has certainly helped my moods. I think my new hobby may have to be making endorphins, good stuff. Not to mention im down 35 pounds in the 3 months since the breakup... got another 30-40 to go to hit my goal.

Day 4 of round 2. Terrible day! Luckily, the day wasnt terrible because I was thinking about my ex, but because it was terrible, thoughts of her managed to creep in. Had a crappy day at work, software kept crashing, and honestly as I was dealing with it, I realized later that I wasnt thinking about her at all, just focusing on what needed to be done. Actually had a slightly interesting opportunity open up for me at work, of course I now have probably an hour or more of work I need to do at home before I go in tomorrow... fun. So besides my crappy day at work, I was driving home from work, and every day on the drive home, I drive right by the place where I took my ex for our 6 year anniversary, last december. The fact that its december now somehow managed to bring thoughts of that into my head. So that was my day, desire to call her is still extremely minimal, but I have been thinking about her, time to figure out how to detach myself from this.

It works. It doesnt necessarily work for getting your ex back, but it works for you to get yourself back. I made it 59 days I think on my first round, then a text from her, and a long phone conversation about things I needed to get off my chest. I laid it all out on the table, and as I expected, nothing changed. She is with her new boyfriend, I am still single. Fine. I was down for a day, but I have made enough progress on myself to be alright. This second round for me isnt about not contacting her per se, its just about me continuing to move forward with my life without her. The door was left open when we last talked for future communication and I would be somewhat surprised if I didnt hear from her within the next few months. At first, time seems like it takes forever, each day is like a month, but now, thats not so much the case. Day 4 of round 2 now. Still no goal in mind about how long to take this round, just going to go with what I feel, see if I feel like contacting her and if I do end up feeling that way, make sure its for the right reasons only (no more relationship talk for me). Either that, or just try my best to enjoy and continue building my new life until I hear from her.

Day 3. Still posting on here just to get my thoughts out. Still doing ok. Still a bit sad, but my goal right now is not to talk about her in person to any of my friends or family for a week. We will see how that goes. No real desire to contact her right now, I mean I want her in my life and want to call, but calling is for the wrong reasons and I know I wont break until I either just want to catch up with her or until she contacts me first. Its been left open this time. I know she will not be out of my life forever, and that thought is comforting, even if we never get back into a relationship. Doing good!

Day 2 of my second go around. Feeling good... Although this time its not really strict NC, so not sure if its necessary to be counting, more just trying to put down in words how I am feeling. Not really trying to see how long I can go for this time, just keeping away from contact until I either feel I am ready for another attempt at speaking with her, or until she contacts me.

Heh, well you are welcome to search around for it, its all over the healing section if you are interested. I actually havent... well I did ask her not to contact me once. But I broke it 5 days later when she accepted a months old friend request on facebook. After that I just stopped contacting her, and made it to day 58 or 59 before she texted me. I had been thinking a lot about contacting her anyways as I had some stuff to get off my chest. So when she did contact me, I was glad, because it was an opportunity for me to then speak with her without having to break my self imposed NC. After we talked, we left it on relatively friendly terms, but I did not ask her not to contact me as I feel I have gotten what I needed out of NC and now that contact has been reestablished, I no longer have the urge to continually contact her. So, I am planning on just not contacting her until some point in the future I feel like it (will have to be completely unrelated to our relationship) or until she contacts me first. I dont know if my situation is the same as yours, how long ago was your breakup? Who broke up with who? I think though if you already asked her to stop contacting you, and she continues to even though she doesnt talk about getting back together, I think you have two options. 1. Ask her why she is contacting you and if it has anything to do with her possibly wanting to get back together or work towards getting back together, or 2. Since you have already told her not to contact you, just stick to your convictions and ignore them. I think if you go with option #1, then yes, be very polite, very civil, and keep the conversation about you, and how you need to not contact her for a while so you can sort yourself out. If you go with option #2, then I wouldnt worry about being rude as you have already asked her not to contact you unless its about reconciliation. Ultimately, and this is what I have learned, take in all the advice you have been given, but make your own decision about what you feel is best... I would just try not to let your emotions get too much in the way of rational thinking when making the decision, and if you do contact her, same thing, calm, rational, and polite is the way to go.

Day 1 again. Well, ex texted me, then we spoke at length on thursday and very briefly yesterday. Today I am back to not contacting her. No real goal in mind this time other than to focus on myself, I have opened the doors of communication back open just a bit, and I will see how I feel, and see if she contacts me, if not, so be it. Not feeling too bad.

Day 53. My life is good, I am living the way I want to, I have lost 30 pounds since the breakup and just feel pretty good all around. But my ex is still in my mind every day. Getting very close to calling her. I dont want to spill my heart out because I know that will do no good, also I dont really quite know what Im feeling but without talking to her I remain confused. Just dont know what to do.

Day 48 I think. Still posting in here. For all you at the beginning. It does get better. I feel more like myself now than I did during my relationship. And honestly one of the best things is that I only have to answer to myself and not to anyone else. I do what I want for me, because it is what I want. I dont have to worry about whether or not anyone else will be too upset by my actions because its all about me. On the other hand, I am definitely feeling like contacting my ex. I have gotten past the initial shock on the breakup and am feeling a lot more level headed. I still am not over her by a long shot, but the desire to fight for her and the relationship is still strong. Very confused at the moment. I still am in a much better place than I was before, and with this time apart, I am not reaching for the phone, or feeling the absolute urge to contact her at any cost. I am definitely much more used to the idea of being apart from her, and I am actually ok being single, but there are still feelings there that can only be satisfied right now by my ex, and without those feelings being satisfied, I just feel a bit empty inside.

I know its much easier said than done... I have been there. I know. All I found were emails that I didnt want to read that only made me worse. And that is all you can expect to find, more pain. Not to mention that if you want her back, going through her emails is only going to push her even farther away from you than she already is. Also, honestly, if she really was the one for you, then you will either be back together at some point in the future... or else, she really wasnt the one for you. I know it hurts to hear, but sometimes the hard truth is what we need.

You stop. Plain and simple, not only is that only going to push her farther away, but its a big invasion of privacy. Go focus on something else, is there anything you have wanted to do for a while, occupy your time as much as possible with things for you and you alone. Spend time with friends or family, or just anyone who wont tie you to her in some way. Best advice I can give.

Day 44. Been past day 30 for two weeks now, so I am at 6 weeks + 2 days. I have had a rough week and need to set some goals for myself, but honestly, I just keep thinking about her a lot, and have almost been trying to make up excuses for myself to call her. Luckily the desire to call her hasnt actually been strong enough to even come close to picking up the phone or emailing or texting, whatever, but its still there. Although after 6+ weeks, I am much more used to my new life that I am settling into and used to not seeing her or talking to her. And yes, I definitely am enjoying being single, I dont have to answer to anyone but myself. Now I just gotta work on answering to myself.

Well I am not really counting the days anymore, but I know when I last talked to her. Day 35 here I think. Still thinking about her every day, but I dont think I want her anymore. I have gotten past that, but I do miss what we had and there is a part of me that wants that back. Dont quite know how I would react if (when) she calls. This time in NC has really allowed me to focus on myself and make some big changes for myself. I dont have the strong urges to call her anymore, but recently I have found myself wondering how she is and wanting to call, but never strong enough to actually do it, or even seriously consider it. No plans to break NC on my end. My only plans are for myself and my own life completely separate of her, she no longer influences my decision making process whatsoever.

Well, NC for me should have been initated right away after the breakup... but it didnt work that way, took me about 3 weeks before i finally had enough and stuck to it. Ill recap a little so you can see the process I went through. First off, I have to say, my ex treated me terribly, so I was lucky in the sense that my decision was more clear than it would have been otherwise, dont know how much that applies to you though. The first week, I called her every day, tried to go see her, yadda yadda yadda, of course she was lying about her reasons for the breakup, so I felt I still had a chance. Finally I saw her after a week, gave her some stuff back, and exchanged a few last words, when I finally got the truth. So at that point the urge was HUGE to call her. I ended up calling her after 2 days, hung up before she picked up, called her the next day, spoke for about a minute when i realized i had nothing to say to her. Since I realized I had already gone over pretty much everything and that the only way I would get what I wanted was if she called me first, I didnt call again. Made it to day 8 at that point, and she called me. I of course called her right back. She was just calling to see how I was doing and catch up ( * * * !?!) so it turned into a 30 minute long conversation about how hurt I was, bla bla bla, same stuff over and over again with her getting pissed off. Finally I texted her later and told her not to contact me again. Didnt hear back. Made it another 5 days before randomly out of the blue, She accepted a facebook friends request from months ago (she had a profile, but never used it) of course that threw me for a loop, why now, what the hell, i told her not to contact me, and in my mind, accepting a friends request, especially one I sent when we were together was the same in my mind as contacting me... so I called her. Another 20 minute conversation rehashing all the crap between us, I left it by telling her that if she wants me in her life at all, she is going to have to put forth the effort. That was 31 days ago. Since then, I realized that contacting her over and over again was getting me nowhere. I wasnt getting what I wanted, which at that point was to be with her, and I realized that the only way to get what I wanted was if it came from her first. I mean, do I really want to be in a relationship where I only have the relationship because I begged and pleaded and made myself look so weak that she came back out of sympathy? No. If she comes back it has to be because she wants to, and I need to be strong, looking weak helps nobody. So I still had some urges to call but I fought them off. Over a little bit of time, the urges died down a bit. And once that urge started to die down, my focus shifted. It shifted away from thinking about getting back together with her at all costs, to a small sense of acceptance really truly thinking about what i can do for myself. So I did that, started doing things I wanted to do for myself, and the more I focused on myself, the less my urge to call her was. I still think about her every day, and I still have thoughts of calling her, even just to try and be her friend, but you know what, she dumped me, she can try, just try, to be my friend if she really wants, and if not, she isnt worth it. The more I focus on myself the less I think of her. Keep yourself busy is the main thing, set a goal, tell yourself you wont call for a week, then dont, and at the end of the week, see how you feel and set yourself another goal of another week, go like that if you need to. And dont be too hard on yourself if you do call, took me 3 or 4 times before I was able to take a step back, but once I stopped talking to her, it allowed me to focus on myself and really start doing things for myself. Its not easy, and I still think of her, but I am number 1 now. Oh and before you know it, 1 day turns into 5, 5 days turns into 10, 10 into 20, and then at 30. You get used to not having your ex in your life, and even though I still think of her, I am much more used to the situation, and time has gone by, both very fast and very slow. But it goes by. Hope that helps!

Well its 1:25 AM, which means that yesterday was Day 30... i made it, and it is now day 31. I am not planning to call her, I miss her, but i am tired of being held back in my life by myself and and by that relationship. The future is mine, all mine. I guess my only plan now that I have hit day 30 is simply to stop counting... might still be posting in this thread for a while, but we will see if i can stop the counting and just let it go.

Holy crap, end of day 29... still dont believe its been this long, and yet its been no time at all. I miss her, and am a bit sad, only because all the moving on I have done means leaving that part of my life in the past. Tomorrow is day 30, I know its just a number, so as of now, I have no plans to call her or get in touch with her. The ball is in her court for that, and ill make a decision whether to respond if or when she does. My therapist still thinks she is an addiction, and says the only way to break it is complete abstinence from the addiction, which is her.

Honestly, I have no idea how that happened... It feels like its been practically no time at all... but it also feels like its been the longest stretch of time in my life. So, I hit 30 days tomorrow, what am I supposed to do then? heh

Day 28! its almost unbelievable. I still think about her every day, but my thoughts are less specific things, and just sort of missing the relationship in general. Been depressed a bit lately and today was still a bit more of the same, but ups and downs, and overall, things are still going quite ok.

Wow, I guess today is day 28... crazy. Dont have too much to say different. I miss her, I still have feelings for her, but its definitely easier now not to pick up the phone and call. Moving on with my life is both good and sad at the same time. woops only day 27

Well, I just finished day 25. Ugh. Been ding really good lately. Today, I moved into my friends house. A big step for me, and definitely one of the big things I had planned for myself to do as part of my plan to move on with my life for myself and solely for myself. I found myself during most of the day missing my ex, found myself feeling a lot of feelings for her that I havent felt in a couple weeks now. I went from realizing how bad she is for me and how unhappy I was to today still just missing her and wanting to be with her. Luckily, I was moving today and had a lot to keep me busy all day. I know there are ups and downs, but today was definitely a down day. Probably mostly brought on by the fact that I took a huge step in my life today, a step that means moving on, and moving my life farther from her life. And while that is a good thing, it is sad because just by taking this step it means letting go more and there is definitely a part of me that still doesnt want to let go.

Day 24. Was a little sad today at times and found myself missing her a little bit. The urge to pick up the phone though and call her was not very strong which was good. I had a doctors appointment to get myself tested and was half preparing myself to have to make an unpleasant phone call to her. But luckily that didnt happen today so I had no reason to call and didnt. That was all rather short lived and my days continue to have more good than bad.