RunMeRound

I've been doing fine and now, somewhere around 6 weeks into NC, I'm really having problems. * * * ? Why am I backsliding like this?

Being ignored really does hurt. That is why NC is best, if you don't reach out to them, they can't ignore you. Giving them the power to ignore/reject you just hurts all over again. I've been having a rough few days. He texted me last week and now I find myself waiting to hear from him. Part of me fantasizes about getting an email from him so I can tell him to stop contacting me. The other part of me knows that I miss him and want to know that he's thinking of me or missing me. But I have to let go. I'm finding this second attempt at NC even harder than the first one. The first time the breakup was new and raw and I was angry. It was easier. But now, after doing LC for a month or so, its harder because we were getting along fairly well during LC and I could have kept at LC and kept him in my life. I made a choice to go NC instead of LC which was frankly just preventing me from moving on. I have to remember that I made this choice because its the best choice for me, no matter how hard it is.

Day whatever. I've been ok, but for some reason last night and today have been tough. This is my second go-round at NC and its almost harder because for almost a month before this, we were LC and it was going mostly well until we stupidly spent a night together. Its like I got a glimpse of working back to something and I intentionally kind of picked a fight to derail it because I didn't want to be in that position of hanging on. I keep wondering what if I had stayed cool and not forced things. Arg. Must stop thinkng like that because he has not changed.

Day 10 I think. Some days are actually pretty easy. Its getting easier every day.

Day 3. So I thought about the things that I miss about my ex that I could still have as part of a friendship. Honestly it comes with so much crap that its really not worth the effort. I have other friends who I don't have to walk on eggshells around. The things I really miss are things I can't have any more. I do know this, I just have to accept and believe it. Every day I go without talking ot him is a step on that path and makes it easier.

Don't send it. Wondering what she is thinking is useless. You'll never know and its healthier probably not to know. Put her out of your mind if you can. Day 2 for me. I am a long time lurker new poster. I decided that posting instead of just reading might help me stick to NC.