waveseer

I don't mean to confuse you at all. It does seem that if your relationship died of neglect than fixing it would indicate doing the opposite.

I see your point, but she broke up with me saying she didn't love or fancy me anymore. She has said or shown nothing since to suggest her feelings have changed. The only thing I can see her is escalating things to what looks liek a weekly email (or could be more I suppose if I responded quicker) Ok, I'm getting what your pointing out now. Still, can you see her giving me any positive indication? As far as I can see, at most she cares (or wants me to think she does) and is curious.

I take it you'd like something a little more personal than a weekly email? Do you expect her to jump straight into taking a chance like that? I suppose it depends on the previous relationship dynamic, but usually the dumper has a good reason even if they have trouble communicating it. I am confused as to why you'd question whether she cares or not. Do you really think she might not care? What would lead you to believe this?

Fair enough, but I'm not getting that courtesy extended to me, so why bother!

I am no relationship expert, but I do know this, if neither party escalates the consideration than there is no possibility for reconciliation. If you only want her back on your terms (which currently sounds like only if she does a, b, and/or c) then you are doing fine. If you ever feel like cutting her some slack then you might want to consider going the extra step first.

Fair point... I guess I'm just following the advice of leaving it a few days. This all stems from me sending her a text weeks ago (breaking NC but it was chitchatty) and her responding two days later, but probably only because she saw me at the station, avoided me and probably felt worried I'd ask her why she hadn't replied. Then 2 weeks of NC without hearing (I didn't reply to the text), then an email from her asking how things were, me replying 3 days later, her sending this email 3 working days later (5 with the weekend).

 

PS: she does know my department is going through a restructure so knows I've got other things on my plate, if that has any bearing.

My perspective suggests that if you are busy then you send a short email saying, "I'm doing great and I hope you are too. I'm really busy and will get back to you in a few days."

You don't even have to read her email first to send that.

Maybe all three. But they broke up with me. Does it matter what they think? She can call. She can text. She can walk 10 doors down and knock on my door. All she's doing is emailing me chitchat every few days. Or am I missing something?

It only matters what she thinks if you want her back. An early light-hearted chit-chatty response would probably get you further than a late too smooth response. While it's good to weigh your words, it looks guilt or pity driven when you put too much effort into it. She probably has no idea that you haven't even read her message until right before you reply, what would you think if the situation were reversed?

See, I'm the opposite - if i don't read the email, it's irrelevent whether it needs a speedy response or not. I'm busy so focus on what I'm doing, and will get round to each "task" eventually. I haven't thought about it for a couple of days so it works for me in that sense. Whereas after I've sent a response I spend all my time waiting for an answer...!

I wonder how the ex perceives your delayed responses though. Do you think they might be perceived as reticent, hesitant, or not particularly interested?

Possibly. I suppose the way I'm seeing it is that by not reading it, I don't know what it's about. And hence it doesn't matter and I can carry on with things oblivious. But I guess I'm trying to keep communication open. I still consider reconciliation an option, rightly or wrongly. I suppose I don't have the strength, or the desire to cut her off completely.

I know it doesn't work the same for everyone, but the less time the ball spends in my court the more clearly I can focus on other things. I don't like playing games so if I want a speedy response, I give a speedy response. It's quite simple really.

Gah - feel quite cool about everything, but I'm still sitting on this email. My plan was to read it over the weekend and answer on Monday. She sent it Wednesday. Now of courzse I'm feeling the pressure of not being rude (and she sent it to my work email so I can't really say I haven't seen it. It's not even the fact that she's in touch that's bothering me, ratehr the rude/not rude issue.

 

I've also found out that there's a 90% chance that my department will be moved to the same buildign she works in, floor below her. Unless she gets made redundant, life will be thrusting us together again. Same office, same street. Grrr...

Wouldn't she hold less power over you if you read it and responded right away? I mean, if you're planning to respond anyway? If you're not planning to respond you may as well just delete it.

That was really good!

I'm not a self-injurer but I could really relate to this anyway.

Simply beautiful.

Nice, I like it.

Brilliant........

Thanks, ot!

"So please think about all of your past relationships that have been left undone, and when you schedule your Karmic Session, please specify in the Notes section of the appointment whom you desire to complete with. If there are many relationships to work on, then I suggest the Clear the Slate program to address these, as there are often many, many layers that have to be removed and this is often quite intense.

This is my favorite part. That's what ena is for me, my own personal "Clear the Slate" program.

Now THAT'S real poetry.

Gotta delete all these mails first to find it. You want it here or it's own thread?

I think it looks good over there by the window, wait, no, how about over here by the table?

lol

Should I post that article I sent you last night about getting over someone?

Sure!.......

Thanks whes, it does sort of stand there ...

I don't want anybody but you

I don't want anybody but

I don't want anybody

I don't want

I don't

I

I want

I want somebody

I want somebody but

I want somebody but not

I want somebody but not you

You may be a good guesser about who can change and who can't or who will and who won't, but as long as people are still breathing they will surprise you when you least expect it. Nobody can predict the future with absolute accuracy, remember that.

Don't be so quick to condemn yourself based on your judgements of others. You may be just very good and quick at evaluating others. The wrong thing is condemnation, but judgement is essential to a life well lived. As long as you believe that people can overcome their present circumstances, it's more than ok to honor your perceptions.

There are times when a kiss is just a kiss, and then there are times when...

Man, I can feel that. Your words are truth.

Nice, I like the cadence.

I really like that. It's where I'm at on a good day.