I was married for 5.5 years to the love of my life. Divorce papers have been filed but nothing is finalized yet.
We have been separated for 13 months. I cheated on him 1 year ago w. a man I met at work. I cheated because I felt very very lonely and like something was missing in my life. I tried to get counselling but I couldn't find a decent counselor. The other guy made me feel "alive" again. But it was shortlived and I thought I was in "love." I found out later that it was my depression that was making me feel empty and alone.
Well my husband found out. He said he would have tried to make it work if I wouldn't have lied so much. By then he couldn't trust me anymore and I moved out.
We are using one lawyer and are remaining friends. On occasion we hang out, email from time to time and chat on the phone. He is not actively pursuing the divorce, I call the lawyer and make all the moves. But I have stopped so i can postpone it as long as possible.
I have asked him to forgive me and I have apologized and I told him the other guy is GONE. Also, I have begged him to take me back and to try to make things work. He says he is too destroyed by what I did and he is not ready to be involved w. anyone. He says that he likes things as they are. In addition, he cannot say that the door is closed completely between us.
I love this man w. all of me. He was put on this Earth for me. I desperately want him back and I don't know how to achieve that. Should I wait for him? I have no problem doing that because I have NO desire to be w. anyone but him.
What else can I do? My life is a complete mess w. out him. I cry all the time and miss him terribly. I know what I did was WRONG and I pay for it everyday because I have lost him.
Please advise.
Thanks.
